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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my weight is no ones buisness but my own

261 replies

portolodn · 03/12/2017 10:25

I'm obese and happy with it but other people seem to have an issue with it. I've, stupidly, confided in a few people that I've been warned that I have a high blood sugar level and my doctor has said I'm classified as having prediabetes. But I'm very happy with my life and my body. Other people are now dropping huge suggestions on things I should change and stop doing. Surely it's my choice what I do with my life and people should just worry about themselves?

OP posts:
ExConstance · 05/12/2017 10:02

I work in care with older people. We see it all including many people leading miserable lives in pain because of obesity. We have cared for a number of amputees with diabetes type 2. prosthetic legs tend not to work for them so often they are in bed or wheel chair users. Loads more who are around size 20 or more, leaning on a stick or a frame, not able to do things with their families, on enormous amounts of medication. As the mobility decreases you can't even get into your own clothes. Strangely many of the NHS commissioners and a lot of other people who work in the sector are heading the same way. I've dieted on and off for years, struggling to get it off and keep it off but this time round, focussing on my health and what I want for my retirement years I've been far more motivated and am now top end healthy weight with another stone to go to be size 8/10. I don't want to be on medication, waiting for a joint replacement, dressed in a beige sack and leaning on a Zimmer.

Italiangreyhound · 05/12/2017 10:13

ExConstance well done for focusing on the right things. I think focusing on looks etc is wrong because it is easy to get downhearted. As we age we all look less vibrant but our health can be a real incentive. I am obese and I am really trying to change things.

This thread is helpful and everyone who is concerned about their weight is an encouragement.

MaudesMum any tips to share?

Italiangreyhound · 05/12/2017 10:22

Personally, I don't think any form of shame works. It may 'work' short term, in that you avoid a second helping when in company with others. But once alone at home, with access to food some of us will pile into the crisps, chocolate or cheese, or whatever lights our fire - and more than make up for what we didn't eat in company of others.

I believe in a positive model, much like child care, of praising the good.

I've been trying to do this for years but I think I am getting somewhere. I have actually had some counselling for an eating disorder.

And it is something I need to take ownership of.

So things like setting achievable goals, finding good examples, and not making people feel ashamed of who they are. But rather to take responsibility, if I eat this big old fattening dessert I need to factor in less food, or less fatty foot, in the rest of my day. I'm not bad for wanting cake or whatever but I can't just have cake and fatty foods all the time and expect to be healthy.

This needs to be taught in schools much better.

I also think that fatty food should be taxed like cigarettes and alcohol. Exactly how we define fatty foods could be tough, there will be some grey areas but there are lots of things that are clearly unhealthy and calorific like processed meats, pies, desserts, some ready meals, chocolate bars, crisps and many other 'snack foods'.

Intercom · 05/12/2017 10:29

YANBU. Pretty much every overweight person already knows what size/shape they are, and that obesity increases a number of health risks. They don't need everyone they meet telling them this, unless asked.

Oblomov17 · 05/12/2017 11:02

Isn't this about that be deleted?

If you do make the decision OP, MM's BSD is good.

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 11:06

I HAVE RTF Rebecca that's why ive commented throughout and not once advocated what you said I had.

Rebeccaslicker · 05/12/2017 11:07

Well then you should be glad to see how it comes across to the reader. You can be clearer in future posts!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/12/2017 11:09

Isn't this about that be deleted?

It appears not; the long gone OP said she was going to request deletion (presumably because she didn't like the responses) but HQ seem not to have gone along with it

Which is interesting in itself ...

JonSnowsWife · 05/12/2017 13:04

Personally, I don't think any form of shame works. It may 'work' short term, in that you avoid a second helping when in company with others.

Thankyou Italiangreyhound that's my whole point. People thinking shaming the OP into being the reason the NHS is going to collapse, which or course is complete bollocks, but it isn't necessarily going to make the OP want to do anything about it when she's not taking much heed from her own GP.

Stories and suggestions of how it's not really that difficult to do with the right mindset and how it will benefit her in the long run however, will. Stories of people saying exactly what happened to their loved ones who wouldn't listen, will have more effect than telling someone they're just a drain on services.

HopingForSomeSnow · 05/12/2017 14:52

Is the OP BU to be happy with her weight? No she's not.
Is she BU to expect people who care about her not to express concern when her doctor is flagging up she is at risk from a debilitating disease. Yes she is.
It doesn't matter what the cause of the illness is. There are lots of reason why you might be at risk of a specific illness - work, diet , where you live, sport, age. The fact that in this case it is obesity related doesn't stop the OPs friends and family from being concerned.

t1mum3 · 05/12/2017 14:56

@JonSnowsWife "Stories and suggestions of how it's not really that difficult to do with the right mindset and how it will benefit her in the long run however, will. Stories of people saying exactly what happened to their loved ones who wouldn't listen, will have more effect than telling someone they're just a drain on services."

Definitely stories about how it is can be achievable, and help to break down what seems like a big journey into small steps. For some people fear of complications is a motivator, but it can have the opposite effect on a lot of people. The messaging around HIV is an interesting one. It used to be all fear, which scared some people into using condoms, but made people terrified to get a test. Now the messaging is about what can be done if it is picked up early which encourages testing.

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