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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my weight is no ones buisness but my own

261 replies

portolodn · 03/12/2017 10:25

I'm obese and happy with it but other people seem to have an issue with it. I've, stupidly, confided in a few people that I've been warned that I have a high blood sugar level and my doctor has said I'm classified as having prediabetes. But I'm very happy with my life and my body. Other people are now dropping huge suggestions on things I should change and stop doing. Surely it's my choice what I do with my life and people should just worry about themselves?

OP posts:
RunningOutOfCharge · 03/12/2017 10:43

You will eventually be yet another drain on the NHS

Anyway, who is 'forcing' you??

MaisyPops · 03/12/2017 10:44

Any changes I make should 100% be my choice without anyone else interfering.
Because that's gone really well so far...

I don't see why it is acceptable to tell other people how they should be living their life.
The same way there's guidance on having a balanced diet
Thr same way people advise against binge drinking
The same way people tell loved ones to stop drinking so much
The same way familes seek treatmebt for loved ones with anorexia
The same way people say don't do drugs
The same way people tell loved ones the costs of smoking
Thr same way people advise against sunbed use and tell family to wear suncream

But you're right. Nobody should give a damn. We should all sit back and watch people we care about run themselves into an early grave. Hmm

paperandpaint · 03/12/2017 10:44

I’m sure the overstretched NHS care too. I sat in the waiting room of a specialist lung hospital yesterday waiting for treatment for my 8 month old baby who has a congenital lung defect. The majority of the patients around us looked terrified as they were obviously quite unwell. Serious chronic illness is not something to take lightly. If you can do something to avoid it DO IT NOW, make a positive choice. Sadly my 8 month old doesn’t have such a choice.

MaidOfStars · 03/12/2017 10:44

Well done, Nik. My dad was the same - the warning terrified him into losing all excess weight.

Rebeccaslicker · 03/12/2017 10:45

Here's another way to look at it. It's harsh but it might help.

You say you don't want to be "forced". But let's be blunt and face it - it's making your own decisions that have led you to this point. So perhaps it's no bad thing to let someone else make healthier choices for you to try and help your long term future?

Kitsharrington · 03/12/2017 10:47

Do you have any idea how serious diabetes is?

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2017 10:50

I think if you’re deliberately hurting yourself, then it’s good people care enough to comment and try to get you to stop. Of course it’s your body your choice, but this not about weight, it’s about your Ill health which you could remedy.

I think it would be worse if no one cared

DamsonGin · 03/12/2017 10:51

By 'not wanting to be forced', are you rebelling against friends' suggestions to prove a point, and thereby risking your health? Being told that you can avoid diabetes, by a doctor, should be all you need to make a few changes, even if you are otherwise happy with how you are.

Glowerglass · 03/12/2017 10:51

Diabetes is no joke. If you can avoid it, you should really try to do that.

NiktheGreek · 03/12/2017 10:52

Thank you Maid it's been a real wake up call I have to say but at least I've been given the chance to reverse it and I will do everything to make sure that happens. Our health is so precious.

PositivelyPERF · 03/12/2017 10:53

I'm going to assume this is real, not a reverse or goady bullshit.

Do you actually know what diabetes can do to you, OP? Pas well as daily medication, you run the risk of blindness, limb amputation, coma, brain damage, should I go on?

Your weight is your business, but what did you expect from your friends? Did you just want a pat on the head and a "there, there, so long as you're happy"? Grow up.

Rebeccaslicker · 03/12/2017 10:54

Also what do you mean by "blood sugar a bit high"? You can go up to about 11 and still be "prediabetic" according to guidelines but studies now show that complications start at about 7.9 and upwards.

Personally I don't believe in prediabetes; I think you either have normal or impaired glucose tolerance and the rest is just a sliding scale. Once you're on it, all you can do is your best to stay at the right end.

Crumbs1 · 03/12/2017 10:55

It is absolutely your decision. It is absolutely up to you what you do.
You must be quite frightened by what your GP has said. It must seem like an insurmountable mountain to climb to get back in shape.

I would consider simple changes that you are happy with. Small steps add up and lead to lifestyle changes. I suspect when people start telling you that you look good, you’ll be pleased. Really pleased.

I can’t see than anyone really is happy being fat. Limited clothes choices, judged as lazy and stupid, poor health outcomes, less able to do healthy things with your children etc. That’s before the rubbing thighs, fungal infections, cracked heels, limitations on sex life, needing seatbelt extender on planes, people tutting if they sit ne t to you on trains or buses and children being embarrassed by their parent at sports day etc. I’m not convinced this is the life you really want.

Try walking rather than using car or bus. Join Aquarobics where there tend to be larger, gentler souls who might be supportive. Slimming World might be a step to far but maybe throw out all sugary stuff in the house and limit takeaways to once a month. Look I’m telling you what to do now........

IMightMentionGriddlebone · 03/12/2017 10:57

Eh. Come on, be reasonable.

I'm a big proponent of 'Change has to come from within', and I think external pressure to lose weight tends to be at best ineffective and, at worst, actively detrimental.

However, you have confided in just a few friends about serious health issues. Obviously, these are your closest friends, no? The ones who you trusted most? The ones who care about you?

Have a heart. They care about you! They are not going to say 'crack on then, develop diabetes'.

MadMags · 03/12/2017 10:57

What do you want people to say?

You're huge and you've been told that it could potentially kill you. And you've told them that!

So, either they love you and want you to do something about it (yes, it SHOULD be your choice but you're obviously not choosing correctly) or they're thinking about all the tax money that will be spent on your healthcare because you won't do something about it!

You made it their business when you said something about it. They weren't exactly going to sit in silence while you said that, were they?

Original poster
portolodn · 03/12/2017 11:00

I dont think I#m being understood, last message but if an issue has come from wanting to take control of your own life then more people interfering isnt the answer. That is all. I'll report to ask for this to be deleted.

OP posts:
Balaboosteh · 03/12/2017 11:00

If it’s acceptable for you to be whatever shape you want to be, then it’s acceptable for people to say what they like. They want to say something about it, what’s it to you. They aren’t making you do anything, surely they can say what they wish?

MadMags · 03/12/2017 11:01

Why are you asking for it to be deleted?? Confused

Rebeccaslicker · 03/12/2017 11:02

You need help dealing with this, Op. I really hope you get it.

MadMags · 03/12/2017 11:02

And an issue hasn't come from wanting to take control of your life, based on your OP. You said you're obese and happy!

madein1995 · 03/12/2017 11:02

Of course people will be concerned if you confide in them, if you want the concern you shouldn't tell them. I'm obese and trying to lose weight (2 and a stone weight loss since January, still a way to go) and while my health is OK atm I know I'm only 22. If i don't sort things out, chances are my health will spiral in the next 22 years. Before I've lost weight for vanity - now it's to feel better, fitter and healthier. Your health is a serious concern and you owe it yourself and your family, friends to look after yourself. Maybe not start it now so close to Xmas but in the new year - when everyone is on the bandwagon. And up to Xmas don't go mad - enjoy yourself Xmas week and eat something if you fancy it buf have 1 mince pie rather than the 3 or 4 I used to have at a time Blush a bit of what you fancy is fine. At the end of the day no one can force you. But you might regret yourself in 20 years when your health is shot to pieces and you're taking lots of tablets every day

Olympiathequeen · 03/12/2017 11:03

It’s human nature for friends to want to help friends, and if your friends think your lifestyle choices are harming you (which they clearly are) then they will try to help. It’s called caring,

If you don’t want their suggestions then keep all medical information to yourself.

MadMags · 03/12/2017 11:04

Well done, @madein1995 !

DamsonGin · 03/12/2017 11:04

Why did you start this thread? Genuine question. What do you want help with or want people to say?

HRTpatch · 03/12/2017 11:04

Typical.
OP doesn't like the answers she's getting so asks for thread to be deleted.