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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my weight is no ones buisness but my own

261 replies

portolodn · 03/12/2017 10:25

I'm obese and happy with it but other people seem to have an issue with it. I've, stupidly, confided in a few people that I've been warned that I have a high blood sugar level and my doctor has said I'm classified as having prediabetes. But I'm very happy with my life and my body. Other people are now dropping huge suggestions on things I should change and stop doing. Surely it's my choice what I do with my life and people should just worry about themselves?

OP posts:
RunningOutOfCharge · 03/12/2017 11:04

You want it deleted?? Why? Because we didn't agree that you are fine to stay fat?Confused

Boulshired · 03/12/2017 11:05

If you do not want people’s views in real life or online then you really should have kept it to your self.

Balaboosteh · 03/12/2017 11:05

OP there’s some good advice and support on here already. People haven’t said what you want to hear but...

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2017 11:05

Op, why do you want it deleted, because you don’t like the answers?

tryso84 · 03/12/2017 11:06

OP you’re just kind of in a non acceptance phase. Whereas others who are looking out for you see the situation you’re in.

Personally I know some people do rebel when told and you have to find a point where you’re right - the shits about to hit the fan I need to sort my life out.

Bottom line is no matter what anyone says you need to take responsibility for your health otherwise you’ll suffer.

I too had GD and I know I need to lose weight and exercise. I want to be here for my kids. I’m doing it now. Honestly people telling me e.g. my parents would make me cross but now I’m so glad people put pressure on me. People mean well. They’re looking out for you.

Rebeccaslicker · 03/12/2017 11:06

It sounds as if she doesn't want to face up to it :(

Guiltybystander · 03/12/2017 11:07

You are absolutely right. Everybody ruins their life and health the way they please. Stay obese, good for you.

paxillin · 03/12/2017 11:07

Threads aren't usually deleted on the OP's instruction.

Make vey clear you want no input from friends, perhaps they misunderstood your "confession" about metabolic syndrome as asking for help. It amazes me people think someone who is overweight has no idea what to do about it.

Blackcatonthesofa · 03/12/2017 11:07

I have type 1 diabetes. I have beginning retinopathy in my left eye. That means that in the course of my life I will lose some- if not all- sight in that eye. My kidneys are doing well but they are slowly getting worse. If I get sick it's always worse than before I had diabetes because I need longer to get well. When I have a low I have to eat when I don't want to. When I have a high I don't eat till its under control. If that means skipping meals and being hungry then that's what I do. I'm struggling to stay pregnant, because of the diabetes I have a higher chance of miscarriages (had 6 so far) and my glucose levels go out of wack when you're pregnant. Incidentally, you need stable glucose levels to protect the health of your baby. My tummy is really ugly from years of the injections and insertion sets. When I travel with my pump and sensor I always get picked out of line, patted down, good feel of my breast and everything swiped to check for explosives. I never have a rest from my disease, not even half a day. It's always in the back of my mind needing my attention for something. It is a relentless marathon and it will never stop. Yes, I can live with it, but realistically I don't have a choice. Losing weight is easier. It's not about if you look good, you're probably lovely but you really, really don't want to develop diabetes.

You might not want to make changes now but you wil absolutely regret that once you have lived with diabetes for a while.

Wdigin2this · 03/12/2017 11:07

Well, as you say, your weight is your business, but if doing nothing to change it leads to diabetes....then surely any sensible person would make some changes?!

GriefLeavesItsMark · 03/12/2017 11:07

Yeah, simple answer. If you don't want opinions don't confide.

greendale17 · 03/12/2017 11:07

So until you realise that being obese is a serious health issue and has numerous health implications, you won't hear of it from anyone else?
I hope the penny drops for you soon.

Why on earth would anyone be happy being obese? Your just kidding yourself OP

HousefulOfBoysAndMe · 03/12/2017 11:10

Your posts remind me of my dad op. He was told he had very mild COPD and to give up the fags 20 years ago.

Oh no. He wouldn't be forced. Wouldn't accept help. Wouldn't discuss it. It was his body, his right to decide. I mean he would, in his own time. Everyone should back off.

Of course people you tell will encourage you to live a healthier life to potentially stop you developing a life limiting and life threatening condition.

You sound monumentally stupid and arrogant. I hope things turn out better for you than they did for my dad.

MadMags · 03/12/2017 11:11

Threads aren't usually deleted on the OP's instruction.

If only that were true.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 03/12/2017 11:12

Your weight, like your health is your concern and yours alone. You won’t stop people from judging you, mocking or sneering but that’s ok, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion. (Even if their opinion is wrong)
Your friends and family trying to encourage you to lose a bit of weight because they are concerned for your long term health is not the same as people judging you for your lifestyle choices, they are worried because diabetes can be a killer, can rob you of your sight and your limbs.

Make it clear to them that you are more than happy with your weight, your body and your future health prospects and that the thought of losing a foot, going blind or falling into a diabetic coma doesn’t scare you and you will all be fine.

ProperLavs · 03/12/2017 11:13

What a goady OP.

paxillin · 03/12/2017 11:15

Well, it does happen now, @MadMags. But the thread has to "have served its purpose" at least Grin.

IMightMentionGriddlebone · 03/12/2017 11:15

if an issue has come from wanting to take control of your own life then more people interfering isnt the answer.

You eat as a way of exerting control?

Honestly, I get that completely. (Grew up in a household where one family member had anorexia. Was a bit... fraught sometimes)

But if I developed pre-diabetes and told any of my friends today, they would have to be superhuman to resist telling me to eat less and move more. Even though it would be tremendously unhelpful.

Lizzie48 · 03/12/2017 11:16

I really don't get why you wouldn't use the diagnosis of prediabetes as a wake-up call to take control of your weight. I'm speaking as someone who's had a problem with my weight all my life and I'm very much a yo-yo dieter. At the moment I'm slightly overweight but I lost a lot earlier this year and I have depression and am therefore on medication so the motivation to lose more isn't there at the moment.

You need to think seriously about what your friends are telling you, they're good friends who are telling you the truth because they care.

Layla8 · 03/12/2017 11:17

You obviously have very little knowledge of the effects of diabetes. Besides the prospect of an early death, the quality of your life is seriously affected. Living with painful, stinking leg ulcers isn’t much fun. Saw this every day as a District nurse. Not to mention all the other side effects. Of course you are entitled to live your life as you wish, but don’t expect other people not to comment, especially the people who love you.

CaledonianQueen · 03/12/2017 11:18

I wish more people had shared concerns with my Mother when she showed signs of diabetes. Now in her sixties, she is almost blind from constant bleeds in her eyes followed by many laser surgery repairs. She had new lenses put into her eyes but she still has awful sight.

Not only that but she has severe neuropathy in her feet, meaning no feeling. She has had abscesses and infections on her feet because she has stood on large pieces of glass, which have become imbedded in her skin. She is lucky to still have her feet, she almost lost them last year after another ulcer.

She also has huge crater like scars fro massive abscesses in her skin. As well as this, she has had several dangerous falls as well as severe hypo's. Which could have been life threatening.

My Mum had the chance to change her lifestyle and avoid all of the above which are all symptoms of her diabetes. Instead she continued in her self destructive path and we have nearly lost her several times. It breaks my heart as it's clear to see that she is not long for this world. My Mum is now an insulin dependent diabetic, which is tricky given her eyesight problems.

My Dad had a similar attitude to being overweight and almost died from a massive heart attack at 55. He has had a triple bypass and turned his life around by losing a lot of weight, he is staving off diabetes through diet alone at the moment. Unfortunately the damage to his body is already done. He too will likely never make old bones.

My parents are young, in their early sixties, they should by rights still be working and planning an enjoyable retirement. Instead, every year I have with them I am thankful for. Knowing in all likelihood they will not live to see the retirement they deserve.

Please, on behalf of your children and future children, do something NOW before it's too late. Trust me, the future is bleak if you carry on down this path, riddled with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart issues and higher risk of cancers.

I remember my Mum saying she wasn't strong enough to change a lifetime of habit. I remember begging her to change her diet. Begging my Father to stop smoking. Neither paid any heed. I know they regret it. Your loved ones have every right to be worried for you! Please listen to them.

JonSnowsWife · 03/12/2017 11:19

Any changes I make should 100% be my choice without anyone else interfering

This is coming from someone who'll happily challenge posters on the boards who are at disgusted at fat peoples choices but not at smokers and alcoholics when they all carry significant health risks.

However having said that, surely this depends on who is telling you this? Size 10 acquaintance who eats only dust and quinoa to stay in shape. Fair enough ignore.
GP, who has spent their life committed to the community and really is saying it for the benefit of your own health and with genuine concern, from a medical perspective. Then yes of course you should listen.

Ellie56 · 03/12/2017 11:19

You made it other people's business when you confided about your medical problems, which they would have known anyway, as it is common knowledge that obesity leads to diabetes.

You make it other people's business when you get on a bus/train/plane and because you are too big for one seat you encroach on the seat next to it and invade other people's space.

GinDaddy · 03/12/2017 11:21

OP I wanted to say, good luck with whatever you do.

However from your posts I can see you are more hung up on who tells you what to do (it's my choice, etc) than what is the right thing to do for your health.

That's the scary part - if you wait until it's "your choice", it could be more complicated and dangerous by then.

Hope you can accept the help you're being given.

DamsonGin · 03/12/2017 11:23

That's really sad, sorry your family are going through that CaledonianQueen.