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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suspect this man might be a paedophile?

323 replies

user1495362060 · 02/12/2017 22:05

We have a playground in our neighborhood and usually on the weekends children play together while parents chat (there is sometimes a farmers market nearby). We just moved in half a year ago and have been coming regularly. There is kind of hippie laid back atmosphere there. One person however aroused my suspicion recently.

This man in his 40s frequently comes to play with the kids. He doesn’t have kids himself. He spends most of his time playing with them (catch, hide and seek - not really many places to hide there, mostly the kids are in our sight). He doesn’t chat a lot with other parents. Basically we would be there chatting and he would be running with our kids. The kids really like him. The parents seem to know him well and don’t mind him doing that.

I just recently learned he doesn’t actually have a child there after talking to him. He didn’t strike me as odd in any other way except this fact that he comes specifically to spend time with our kids despite not having his own.

I don’t necessarily want to raise this subject with other parents there, but this is supposed to be a red flag, right? I don’t understand really why they are so chill about this. Perhaps there is other explanation to why he is doing that. Would you be suspicious in this situation? I feel like I possibly shouldn’t let dc come there anymore, which is a pity because we all enjoy it.

OP posts:
smellybeanpole · 02/12/2017 22:39

So he takes time out of his day to come and play with other people’s children? Nope. Don’t sound right to me. I would definitely ask around about him and maybe a quick call to the police. You just never know.

Jaygee61 · 02/12/2017 22:42

Just thought I’d point out that not all abusers are childless people or strangers. Most abuse happens within families.

blueskypink · 02/12/2017 22:43

There's also a chance that he's gaining the children's / parents trust, playing a long game and waiting for the opportune moment.

Totally agree. Of course you should be suspicious - and posters who say otherwise are naive in the extreme. Paedophiles are very good at getting children to like them and feel comfortable in their company - it's called grooming.

At best he's incredibly stupid to think that a childless 40 year old can run around with kids he doesn't really know and NOT raise suspicions.

Not sure there's anything you can do about it though other than watch and be careful.

DistanceCall · 02/12/2017 22:43

I would talk to him. Say something like "Hello, we've noticed that you come here regularly, but you don't seem to be with any child here?"

See what he says. That way he'll know that you (and other parents) are suspicious.

If you don't like what you hear, tell your children not to play with him and to avoid him if they come across him.

Halebeke425 · 02/12/2017 22:44

It is weird. He comes to hang out alone with no other adults, just the kids? I have a childless male adult friend who is great with kids and whenever we get together with all our friends at social events he is often running around entertaining the kids but he wouldn't just turn up at a park to play with children of people he doesn't know personally, that is strange.

littlekellysmum · 02/12/2017 22:45

Probably he loves playing with kids because he doesn't have one. I don't think one can doubt him as a pedophile. It could be just generally affection towards kids since he doesn't have one.

Babybauble · 02/12/2017 22:45

It would make me extra vigilant but it's a bit of a jump to assume paedophile. It's possible he may be autistic, but then it could be many things.

Insomnibrat · 02/12/2017 22:45

I do see how it looks and seems weird but why not just ask him?

Go over, strike up a conversation and find out what/why? We're always naturally wary of the unusual, and your concern may be wholly justified but by the same token, maybe he lost a child or some other trauma and simply enjoys the interaction.

Obviously, still be as vigilant as you need to be....but....

WitchesHatRim · 02/12/2017 22:47

Tbh I avoid going to the park alone. I'm always weary of anyone without a DC/pet/friend etc.

How dare anyone on their own venture into a park uness they have DC a friend or pets hey Hmm

GabsAlot · 02/12/2017 22:47

u thinik thy know him well? u need to find out how thy know him

it could be he turned up one day said hi im brian and thats it

sorry but i dont hav kids an i dont go hanging about in playgrounds

DistanceCall · 02/12/2017 22:48

I don't have children. I love children, and I'll play with strangers' children if I happen to be in a situation in which we can interact.

Deliberately going to the same playground every weekend to play with the chidren there is something else entirely, though.

Barbiesears · 02/12/2017 22:48

Bear in mind paedophiles groom parents too so don't automatically believe any sob stories. Someone who wants access to children for horrible reasons won't be afraid to lie!

Filzma · 02/12/2017 22:49

All those people giving him the benefit of the doubt...yeah that's all warm and fuzzy. What's the alternative though???

It's never worth the risk! Ever.

tryxilaflap · 02/12/2017 22:49

Unusual behaviour... listen to your gut and keep your children away.

I don't understand what he's getting out of playing with other people's children.

I would probably want to mention it to the police. Just my opinion.

Halebeke425 · 02/12/2017 22:49

Could he have a learning disability or something and have a young mental age?

Kokapetl · 02/12/2017 22:50

I do think it is a bit odd. If he is a normal man who enjoys the company if children etc then he could volunteer as a cub scout leader or similar. However then he would have to be CRB checked. Hanging about in a playground means he avoids having to have these checks.

CaretakerToNuns · 02/12/2017 22:51

YANBU.

I'm always suspicious of lone males in public places so this really takes the biscuit.

walnutwhip88 · 02/12/2017 22:51

You're the reason men feel like they can't even look at children without being accused of being a paedophile

pigeondujour · 02/12/2017 22:52

Why don’t you just ask him?

Dear me.

Pandapenguin · 02/12/2017 22:52

Why are people saying he might have autism or a lower mental age? Does that automatically mean he understands boundaries and has no dangerous intentions? Genuine question.

teabagfreak · 02/12/2017 22:54

YANBU

This is strange and I'm surprised no other parents have thought so too.

Filzma · 02/12/2017 22:55

WitchesHatRim lol DH agreed with you. I'm always on the look out. Patrolling. If you're jogging...pass. If walking and looking at kids longingly and not a woman ...dialling the cops asap 😂😂

...yeah, I'll stick to my day profession.

walnutwhip88 · 02/12/2017 22:55

"I'm always suspicious of lone males in public places so this really takes the biscuit"

Apparently you can't even leave your house on your own as a male without being suspected of being a criminal now, this is insane

DJBaggySmalls · 02/12/2017 22:56

Yanbu, its called hiding in plain sight.

DistanceCall · 02/12/2017 22:56

Why don’t you just ask him?

Dear me.

Did you read the entire post? Obviously, I don't mean ask him "Hello, are you a paedophile?" I mean, strike up a conversation with him so that he realises that parents are aware of his presence.

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