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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suspect this man might be a paedophile?

323 replies

user1495362060 · 02/12/2017 22:05

We have a playground in our neighborhood and usually on the weekends children play together while parents chat (there is sometimes a farmers market nearby). We just moved in half a year ago and have been coming regularly. There is kind of hippie laid back atmosphere there. One person however aroused my suspicion recently.

This man in his 40s frequently comes to play with the kids. He doesn’t have kids himself. He spends most of his time playing with them (catch, hide and seek - not really many places to hide there, mostly the kids are in our sight). He doesn’t chat a lot with other parents. Basically we would be there chatting and he would be running with our kids. The kids really like him. The parents seem to know him well and don’t mind him doing that.

I just recently learned he doesn’t actually have a child there after talking to him. He didn’t strike me as odd in any other way except this fact that he comes specifically to spend time with our kids despite not having his own.

I don’t necessarily want to raise this subject with other parents there, but this is supposed to be a red flag, right? I don’t understand really why they are so chill about this. Perhaps there is other explanation to why he is doing that. Would you be suspicious in this situation? I feel like I possibly shouldn’t let dc come there anymore, which is a pity because we all enjoy it.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495362060 · 02/12/2017 22:27

And yes, I think he is very likely innocent in a sense that he didn’t and maybe doesn’t plan to commit an offense. But perhaps he has some unhealthy attraction to being around children.

I don’t know, it’s a strange situation. That’s why I am asking.

OP posts:
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 02/12/2017 22:27

Oh Mumsnet and it's weirdo apologists! Makes me SO ANGRY!
Of course it's bloody weird! A random, lone 40 year old man turning up regularly to play with the children at a playpark??

OP, I'd be very wary.

Ttbb · 02/12/2017 22:27

I think it's really weird regardless of whether it's a man or a woman doing it. If he was much older and had children that had grown up and no grandkids and knew some of the parents really well they yeah ok. Or if he knows sone of the children at the playground really well, like is best friends with their parents and is their godfather type well then again, ok. But if he's just some guy going around playing with kids he doesn't really know I would be a bit suspicious too.

daimbar · 02/12/2017 22:28

Are you sure he’s not friends with any of the parents? He may have been close to some of them pre-kids which would be a perfectly innocent explanation. I chose a good male friend as DD’s Godfather as he always wanted kids but doesn’t have any of his own. He often plays with her in the playground.
If this man didn’t know any of the parents pre kids then yes it’s weird.

Barbiesears · 02/12/2017 22:28

YANBU. I wouldn't like it.

NapQueen · 02/12/2017 22:28

Could you use Sarahs Law here?

Pandapenguin · 02/12/2017 22:28

Also just to add; i was abused as a child by someone in a similar situation. Well not a park but someone allowed to hang around and not questioned. The damage is often done before anyone notices it has been done and children don’t really understand at the time. They do later though. I am pretty upfront if i have questions - but i appreciate maybe what happened to me made me like that.

anothernetter · 02/12/2017 22:28

I bet if you discussed it with some of the other parents you would find that some of them shared your concerns.

Marcine · 02/12/2017 22:28

Yes, its weird.

This bloke is a stranger. Except to all those children he isn't a stranger anymore is he? They see him all the time and see their parents trust him.

mirime · 02/12/2017 22:28

Just ask one of the other parents. There may be some background you're not aware of.

seafoodeatit · 02/12/2017 22:29

YANBU, I also don't see how they can't have discussed it already, a man shows up often to play with children? that is very bizarre, it's not like he's there with the families? he's showing up alone, that would make me extremely uncomfortable.

Timefortea99 · 02/12/2017 22:30

Don't have kids, not remotely maternal but I would not like this at all. YANBU at all. It is weird.

Rachie1973 · 02/12/2017 22:31

I think it's weird, but you're a relative newcomer. The other parents might have known this chap for years!

The kids are in plain view so I wouldn't fret.

bellasuewow · 02/12/2017 22:32

This is weired. He has found a hunch of really polite hippies to groom. Trust your instinct op. This happens. If he simply loves children then why not go an d volunteer with a charity and get to know needy kids under supervision.

jay55 · 02/12/2017 22:32

If someone didn’t have kids but enjoyed being around them they’d work with them or be a scout leader or coach a team or babysit for friends.
If they can’t do any of that you still wouldn’t randomly play with strangers kids in the park.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 02/12/2017 22:33

Of course it’s not normal.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 02/12/2017 22:33

Rachie yes they're in plain view...but what about when they're not? When this man sees one of them in another situation? And asks them to go somewhere else with him...and they see no issue with that because they "know him"?

Petalflowers · 02/12/2017 22:34

Yes, I think it's weird as well.

Maybe ask the other parents in a roundabout way about him.

Or Can you ring 101 and ask,for their advice?

Littlechocola · 02/12/2017 22:35

Why would you not raise it with the other parents?
We can’t tell you anything about him. They might be able to

Pandapenguin · 02/12/2017 22:36

‘He has found a bunch of really polite hippies to groom.’ THIS EXACTLY!!!

Did anyone see the prison show recently i think channel 4 - they interviewed a paedophile and it was an eye opener. The guy idolised children and didn’t think he was doing anything wrong provided he managed to control his urges - he just loved being around children and maintained they enjoyed sexual acts but he still liked them even when he wasn’t allowed to do that. It was terrifying.

HumphreyCobblers · 02/12/2017 22:36

Why wouldn't you be wary in this situation?

Itchytights · 02/12/2017 22:36

It is weird.

I have friends without children, male and female, who adore children.

They aren’t hanging around children’s playgrounds though.

guestofclanmackenzie · 02/12/2017 22:37

I'm with you, OP. This wouldn't sit comfortably with me either.

Original poster
user1495362060 · 02/12/2017 22:37

Thanks for your insight that he might be trying to gain the trust of the kids for the possible future offense. I didn’t think about this possibility.
I will try to gently raise this issue with someone at the playground. One of the possible benign explanations that came to my mind was that he might have lost a child or a sibling. He is however very much an adult, nothing infantile or childlike about him and quite intelligent.

OP posts:
Pandapenguin · 02/12/2017 22:38

OP you should also reiterate your conversations about strangers - difficult to enforce the no strangers thing when allowed to play with strange man in park and it’s okayed by everyone.