To suspect this man might be a paedophile?

[user1495362060]

We have a playground in our neighborhood and usually on the weekends children play together while parents chat (there is sometimes a farmers market nearby). We just moved in half a year ago and have been coming regularly. There is kind of hippie laid back atmosphere there. One person however aroused my suspicion recently.

This man in his 40s frequently comes to play with the kids. He doesn’t have kids himself. He spends most of his time playing with them (catch, hide and seek - not really many places to hide there, mostly the kids are in our sight). He doesn’t chat a lot with other parents. Basically we would be there chatting and he would be running with our kids. The kids really like him. The parents seem to know him well and don’t mind him doing that.

I just recently learned he doesn’t actually have a child there after talking to him. He didn’t strike me as odd in any other way except this fact that he comes specifically to spend time with our kids despite not having his own.

I don’t necessarily want to raise this subject with other parents there, but this is supposed to be a red flag, right? I don’t understand really why they are so chill about this. Perhaps there is other explanation to why he is doing that. Would you be suspicious in this situation? I feel like I possibly shouldn’t let dc come there anymore, which is a pity because we all enjoy it.

JacquesHammer, there's no call to be sneery about 'paedos in every corner', it's not about that. But the sad thing is, a lot of us have been damaged by such people. There are sadly a lot of people who shouldn't be trusted around children and, because they don't have '666' tattooed on their foreheads we don't know who they are. The way the man in the op was acting is the behaviour employed by paedophiles to ingratiate themselves with children and their parents.

So I would be wary in such a scenario and I make no apology for that.

But parks full of kids are really the last place childless adults should be hanging around unless they have gone their with a friend or relative with their children.

Jeez so they can't go for a walk then? Many of the parks around here in this big city are used for people to exercise or go for a walk, with a very small playground for children.

You want single people banned from them?

BummmyBum is correct - from Coram's Fields website:

"For 80 years, Coram’s Fields has existed solely for children and young people and ‘No Adult can enter without a child’. Our friendly on-site staff ensure that everyone can enjoy their visit."

I am amazed that so many people seem so unaware of how grooming happens.

'The "peado on every corner" brigade are tiresome and ignorant'

I have no problem being a member of that brigade, and what anyone thinks of me for that is insignificant.

When the justice system takes into account the high recidivism rates in some categories of child sexual abuse, and a way is found to break the secrecy surrounding all the ways they operate (from downloading pictures of it, to the worst cases of multiple serious and violent sexual assaults), then I might consider resigning my membership card.

But I don't see that happening any time soon and children shouldn't have to bear the brunt of these wankstain's offending while everyone looks the other way.

Why you'd sneer at anyone interested in protecting children from harm is very odd.

'What did you expect him to say? I watch kiddies all day long for subtle pleasure and then jack one off evening time to my child porn collection? They always have a sob story prepared for gullible parents.'

That's exactly what I was thinking willsa, same as the pps saying the man's presence could all be explained away by talking to the other parents there.

Anyone with the view to doing harm to a child is going to be a lying, manipulative bastard, it's what they do.

'You want single people banned from them? '

Yeah, that's what the majority of posters on the thread want

Nobody's to be allowed to walk around aimlessly on their own in a park. Ever. Ever. Again.

Its strange. If your uncomfortable don't let your kid play with him. The other parents seem to know him. Doesn't make him a peadophile. I'd be very careful about who you speak to about it.

Its strange. If your uncomfortable don't let your kid play with him. The other parents seem to know him. Doesn't make him a peadophile. I'd be very careful about who you speak to about it.

There's the thing though. They may well think that the OP knows him. He might be simply blending in, so all the parents think he's with a different family.

I'd love to believe that all adults who want to play with children are thoroughly trustworthy, but in the real world we can't make that assumption.

Single men going for a walk and enjoying the park - no problem

Single men hanging around playgrounds interacting with children they don't know - problem

It's quite simple

It is odd however you haven’t spoken to the parents about him so you cannot know the situation. I would ask the other parents about him and see what the story is. Explain to your child that they don’t go anywhere with this man or talk to him in any other setting. If you don’t find out much about him I’d stop my child playing with him or at least drill into them that they go nowhere with him and don’t talk to him unless you are around at the part as well.

There is a big difference between the paranoid attitude that there is a paedophile around every corner and suspecting every adult male and being suspicious of a man in his forties who is going to a playground by himself to play with unrelated children.
The op has been too polite to ask what the mans game is. What if other parents are the same?
Assuming that this mans motives are innocent when he is acting highly suspiciously would be extremely negligently parenting. And no matter how laid back people on here say they are I know no-one in rl (thankfully) that would be cool with their child making a new friend at the park who happened to be a lone adult.

very loudly for him to hear, say to your children that he is a stranger, they must not talk to strangers, and you are going to play in a different park where strangers do not play with children . they have to know it is OK not to be polite to this man even if their peers are

Any sane and responsible man who genuinely cares about children would understand that what he is doing is unacceptable. Even if he has no bad intentions, he is giving children the message that it's okay to build relationship with random men, that it's okay to play slightly risky games like hide and seek and rough and tumble and allow him to touch you. ..

I used to work with a brilliant play leader who was amazing at building positive relationships with unaccompanied, underprivileged and hard-to-reach children and young people in public parks and open spaces. He wouldn't have dreamed of being in those parks without his team and his official t-shirt. He was quite clear about the risk it would have posed to the children, and the damage it would have done to his professional reputation.

I'd hate to think badly of anyone without cause, but this bloke the op is spiraling 8 of is naive at best. ..

Speaking of, not spiraling 8 ☺

It's how accounts always begin isn't it?

"My parents had this friend, Lonely Bob, and everyone said Lonely Bob was harmless even though he was 52 and 'loved kids' and always wanted to babysit everyone's kids because he was a friendly guy, and people said 'Well, that's just Lonely Bob's way..."

There's no good reason to go to the playground to play hide and seek with a bunch of random kids. Screw 'innocence' or 'children are wonderful' or 'what a sweet-hearted man' - why hasn't he got something better to do?

He just wants people to think he's Warm, Innocent, Friendly Bob Who Loves Kids.

Yeah, that's what the majority of posters on the thread want

Majority no, but some have said they shouldn't be, as has previously been said.

OK has long disappeared anyway.

Re Parks have staff.

Where I live, the District Council has staff, which they send out to parks to cut the grass, maintain the railings and so on. The parks emphatically don’t have staff. In fact, I’m not conviced the Council has staff but probably has contracted those services out.

The idea that any park near me has staff is laughable.

*OP

Interesting idea from some posters that as long as you protect your own child it doesn’t really matter about anyone else’s.

Yes, hackmum. The problem is with him being there, even if he personally has innocent intentions.

There will be a lonely, slightly desperate child there who loves the attention and invests in this relationship. (Being from a nice middle class hippy family does not necessarily protect children from feeling this way.) That child will learn that it's okay to trust random men in parks.

It's not fair on well-intentioned men, and it's not right that we should have to be so paranoid. However, if this man is genuinely well -intentioned, he should accept that his actions are inappropriate and look into volunteering with the scouts or some other scheme where there are safeguards in place for both the children and him.

This would definitely be a red flag for me... what adult spends their weekends playing with random children on a park?

To those saying you'd be okay with it stop being so bloody ridiculous. You would be alright with a complete stranger interacting with your child when you don't know them?

They could be absolutely anyone or are we being judgemental? It's OK to play with them in public but what if a game suddenly involves hide and seek? Or tig? Or make believe? And something suddenly distracts you, you look away and your child has vanished? Is it judgemental then?

It's a tale as old as time and not something I would be willing to participate in and if that makes me unreasonable so be it. No one speaks to my child, whom I don't know. Especially if they are engaging with him independently, it's extremely inappropriate.

There is probably a very reasonable and innocent explanation OP, but also there may not be.

YADNBU, I would not like that one bit.

Forget the sex of the person. I don't know of ANYONE who doesn't have a vested interest in children they are either related to or connected to via friends, who would voluntarily go to a playground, with no kids if their own, to play with other people's children.

It is so unusual as to make 99% if us all on here think it's odd.

Which it is.

I love kids.

Still wouldn't go to a playground to play with randomers without any kind of connection.

SOME PARKS HOWEVER DO HAVE STAFF. *
*

@Bummybum yes. Clearly not enough though

Agreed.

I remember when two photographers (I think from the Guardian) were escorted out of clissold park playground as they had no kids and hadn’t called ahead.

They were furious, kept showing the staff their ids but the staff weren’t having it a turfed them out.

One time it was actually me that went and got one of the staff. There was a guy sitting on the bench near the sandpit with his hands in his trousers. Ugh. I think the police actually turned up for that.

@BishBoshBashBop if that was a quote from me I meant playgrounds not parks. There is no problem with adults being in parks. I used the wrong word. I meant an area with play equipment designed for use by children.