To suspect this man might be a paedophile?

[user1495362060]

We have a playground in our neighborhood and usually on the weekends children play together while parents chat (there is sometimes a farmers market nearby). We just moved in half a year ago and have been coming regularly. There is kind of hippie laid back atmosphere there. One person however aroused my suspicion recently.

This man in his 40s frequently comes to play with the kids. He doesn’t have kids himself. He spends most of his time playing with them (catch, hide and seek - not really many places to hide there, mostly the kids are in our sight). He doesn’t chat a lot with other parents. Basically we would be there chatting and he would be running with our kids. The kids really like him. The parents seem to know him well and don’t mind him doing that.

I just recently learned he doesn’t actually have a child there after talking to him. He didn’t strike me as odd in any other way except this fact that he comes specifically to spend time with our kids despite not having his own.

I don’t necessarily want to raise this subject with other parents there, but this is supposed to be a red flag, right? I don’t understand really why they are so chill about this. Perhaps there is other explanation to why he is doing that. Would you be suspicious in this situation? I feel like I possibly shouldn’t let dc come there anymore, which is a pity because we all enjoy it.

Acrosstheuniverse "Am I the only person thinking this thread is borderline hysterical?" well you are the first person to mention lynching! No one has suggested that.

"This man is playing with children in a playground, watched by the parents, who have no problem with it."

In the opening post it says "catch, hide and seek - not really many places to hide there, mostly the kids are in our sight" So some of the time the kids may not be in their parents sight at all.

"How can he be grooming kids when he is playing with them in full sight of the parents?" Have you read the poster who said she was raped by someone who she had known for years (getting to know them in similar circumstances)?

"Perhaps he is lonely, genuinely likes children..."

Sadly, in this day and age, all adults need to know it is not acceptable to play with random kids. You can leave yourself open to all kinds of accusations. So whether he is lonely, or has learnig difficulties or autism or any number of the reasons listed here, for his own benefit, chasing, catching and seeking out children who are hiding in a public park is not a good idea unless he is a family member.

JacquesHammer "Seriously?? What are single men supposed to do....avoid public places?!" That is a ridiculour comment. You know that single men are welcome all over the place, public places, businesses, shops, pubs, cafe's etc. But parks full of kids are really the last place childless adults should be hanging around unless they have gone their with a friend or relative with their children.

"There's an old boy I used to see regularly at the park. From talking to him - I know controversial - I discovered he and his wife had lost their only child when they were young. He got simple pleasure from watching children play in the park."

No one is denying it is hugely tragic for anyone to lose a child and this old boy is watching kids but the OP said this man is playing with them. It's different.

'Or indeed those of us who understand very well how paedophiles work but also appreciate that conversing with people in the playground could, you know, make the whole situation make sense without the "burn the fucker" mentality'

If you think you understand very well how paedophiles operate Jacques, why on earth would you think talking to the other parents there could give you this 'innocent explanation' you're scrabbling about for?

A man in his 40s has no business being in a playground playing catch, hide and seek, and running around with children who aren't his (mostly (??) in sight of their parents, so not always in view then?).

There aren't any plausible explanations, not even any slightly plausible ones.

He's getting involved in the games children normally play between themselves and I'm surprised nobody's told him to sling his hook long before now.

I'm not fussed if anyone thought me telling him to go somewhere else to spend his time was a 'burn the fucker' mentality, the man deserves a rocket up his arse.

SwimminginLemonade: "This thread seems to be split between people who understand how paedophiles operate, and those who don't."

This in spades. He could of course just be a wonderful middle-aged man who loves nothing better in his spare time than playing with children.

Or he could be a paedophile.

I have to confess that I've never met anyone who falls into the first category. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I am utterly amazed at the naivety and gullibility of some of the people posting here, especially given that we as a society are much more aware of the prevalence of sexual abusers than we were 30 years ago.

Oh ffs, of course its weird that a childless 40 yr old man is coming to the playground to play with other peoples kids. Deeply odd behaviour. Nothing hysterical about pointing that out.

I live in london. Never seen a play park that had "staff".

blueskypink that is so awful. If you can do so without giving anything away can you say how he was caught or how suspicious were first alerted. I will totally understand if you cannot say.

Those who are so angry that men can't just hang around with kids etc. Need to remember it is this type of person you need to be angry with, men (and women) who have abused their position of trust and abused children.

TovaGoldCoin I am so sorry to hear this.

Andrewofgg "So if they are running late and I sit on a bench and wait for them I am a suspicious character, as an adult and especially a man without a child? I am cautious about taking out my phone but if it pips (perhaps because the niece is texting me to say they will be late) can I use it?" If you are sitting on a bench you are not a suspicious character if waiting for someone with a child.

The opening post calls it' 'a playground', not just a park.

The trouble is Italiangreyhound that until the relation with the child arrives nobody knows that I am waiting for them!

Andrewofgg

The trouble is Italiangreyhound that until the relation with the child arrives nobody knows that I am waiting for them!

The difference is you are sitting there waiting and watching children play- not joining in with physical play.

Many people (most even ?) will be amused at watching what children get up to / what they say when they are running around in a playground. That is a natural human reaction.

What is odd is getting involved in the physical game if the watcher is not a parent, relative or carer.

YANBU. I wouldn’t trust what the other parents say though, as they may have only had it from him and could therefore be a lie.

I’d be calling my PCSO, getting them to idly stop by the park at times he tends to be there, gauge his reaction to them being there. If you know his name even better, they can check him out then.

For all you know he’s not supposed to be in contact with children but because no one has reported it he’s getting away with it!

YANBU

I wouldn’t be happy with this at all.

Parks have staff. Of course they do. What a ridiculous thing to say.

I assure you I worked in London as a nanny for almost 20 years and saw men removed from the Clissold park playground especially quite a few times.

@AgentZigZag

The "peado on every corner" brigade are tiresome and ignorant

Like I said never seen any staff in any park and I've lived in london all my life and have 4 kids under 7 so visit parks a lot.

Maybe in your area they do. Doesn't mean everywhere does.

I'm in the UK and have never seen staff in any park, anywhere, ever.

The only 'staff' there will be council grounds workers who have no interest whatsoever in looking out for other people's kids.

I know of a popular play park in the UK - a city outside of London - which is staffed.

Well I’m telling you I’ve SEEN park staff remove people from the playground. Are you saying I’m making it up or just being obtuse?

Just because you haven’t seen something yourself doesn’t mean it’s never happened ffs.

Calm down dear.

I agree with Bummybum, where my mum lives in London, there is a huge park with playground, there is a park wardens office, I have seen them patrol round.

Some parks are staffed, some are not, lets leave it at that. My local parks, not in London, are not.

So at some parks in or near London there are wardens.

I've never seen park staff anywhere else.

Can't we both be right? What's the problem?

I'm not saying your making anything up just that it certainly isn't the norm and parks in london aren't usually staffed. Maybe the one you know of is. But that is all.

It seems to be a thing in parts of the US and Australia. This is in a New York park.

gothamist.com/2011/06/06/ticketed_for_eating_a_doughnut_in_a.php

JacquesHammer
There's an old boy I used to see regularly at the park. From talking to him - I know controversial - I discovered he and his wife had lost their only child when they were young. He got simple pleasure from watching children play in the park.

What did you expect him to say? I watch kiddies all day long for subtle pleasure and then jack one off evening time to my child porn collection? They always have a sob story prepared for gullible parents.

I was abused by collectively trusted very old man with SN - he was in a wheelchair! He was childless ( cue sob story ). He groomed my grandparents first, then me, going further and further each time to see if there will be a point I will tell on him. Started with general boys/girls like each other talk, then stories about his younger days and his sex life, how girls my age(10 ) are smuttier than boys, how for him in the old age sex is the only way to survive as it gives divine life energy, how anybody giving that energy is akin to a saint/hero. Then progressed to showing me porn magazines, then progressed to touching me intimately. I never told. I just ran away, told my grandparents I hated their town and never wanted to stay with them again, which was all lies just to avoid that man. He died respected by society for his contribution in arts and teaching young people painting ( shudder )

Andrewofgg
The trouble is Italiangreyhound that until the relation with the child arrives nobody knows that I am waiting for them!

Now that it's pretty obvious your behaviour might make a large proportion of parents feel uneasy, why not wait just off the play park? I wouldn't choose a bench closely overlooking play park because of my own sanity and not wanting to endure questioning glares. Sure, you haven't done anything wrong and so don't have to follow some fine-feeling moral code but if you sense it might be perceived as odd then it most likely will be ( even if just for a minute).

Fair enough LassWiTheDelicateAir and yes I see the distinction. I have only been challenged once, and I didn't resent it, by a woman who accepted what I said about why I was there but seemed relieved when my niece and her LO arrived, and why shouldn't she be?