I've really pissed off DP, so why don't I feel bad?

[Getonthearkunicorn]

Two nights ago I asked to quickly borrow DP's phone for a quick google search, and he was being weird about it (unlike him) he said it was because he didn't want me to see his tabs for Christmas gifts.

Anyhoo, my google search begun with a 'p' and brought up a list of about 5-6 previous visits to Pornhub, watching videos titled things like 'British slag getting fucked by massive cocks'

I was a bit as I am fully aware he watches porn, and it's never been an issue, but we've had extensive conversations about the porn industry and how people are treated, exploited, rape, misogyny, I could go on. He always agrees with me, and when we have watched porn together it has not been this derogatory orgy stuff.

Moving on, my two good friends were round last night and we got onto the conversation of partners watching porn. DP had just come back from being out himself, and went straight up to bed. Anyway, I said to them that I wasn't impressed that DP had been watching this stuff, and it's made me feel quite odd towards him. Unbeknown to me, he's heard this. Confronts me when I come to bed, I've embarrassed him, it's private, etc. I completely understand that it's private and I feel really bad that I broke that privacy. But actually I don't feel very sorry that I told them what kind of porn he was watching - especially the titling. He's absolutely fuming still and I've got the silent treatment, but I'm not really bothered because I think watching 8 men on one girl is pretty fucking grim.
So, do you think IBU? Should I be apologising profusely? He is utterly shocked that I'm not being very apologetic.

You are not being unreasonable. Most porn is disgusting in the way that the women are treated.

That even if it’s a 0.01 chance a video features coerced actors, it’s 0.01 too high I love your husband.

Really if people only knew how many girls are going missing in Mexico and turning up months later dead, with signs of torture and rape, they would not be so sanguine about the porn they or their partners are watching.

Yes there are young women who are into all kinds of sexual kinks and are happy to be videod in action, but do you really think that is enough to cover the needs of this huge porn industry?

Don’t apologise and don’t feel bad if you don’t but you don’t get to dictate how he should feel. All I can say is that if I was in a relationship with someone I would and have had great difficulty if my privacy wasn’t respected.

But you aren't in the right.
You and he both watched porn and you suddenly decided that this one thing was too much for you.

And as for telling your frienda everything so be it. However if he told his friends what got you off I'm sure you'd be furious. It is not for you to tell others about your partners sexual desires. Tell them whatever you like about yourself; tell them your feelings but do not disclose something so private when you yourself would watch it, if it were considered 'tasteful' by yourself.

I cannot believe people are saying you aren’t being unreasonable. I would be absolutely fuming with DP if he shared details of my private sex life with his friends, especially information that I hadn’t actually chosen to share with him in the first place.
A total breach of his privacy, a disgusting thing to do to someone who obviously trusts you with the private details of his sex life and absolutely none of your business what porn he likes.

The porn issue is a red herring, it’s the justification you use to discuss his personal business with your friends.

I presume your H trusting you is important to you but how can he trust you if everything that he does and says is fair game for you to discuss with your friends? Where does his expectations of privacy and the foundation of his trust in you start? You can’t have it both ways.