To wonder if it’s pathetic to live with parents aged 37?

[orangecloves]

I just don’t like living on my own but I’ve had a few ‘jokey’ comments at work about it and I’m wondering if 2018 should be the year I fly free ...

What thread? What are you talking about?

Ok OP, have it your way.

I genuinely do not know what thread and what person you mean.

I am searching my mind trying to think if I’ve posted before ... I haven’t. I know I haven’t. Maybe you could link me to the post you mean as you do seem quite convinced but I KNOW I haven’t.

Would you please answer the question that several of us have asked For how long did you try living alone?

A week? YABU
A year? less YABU

Why do you want to know Silvery?

I’m not on trial at the stand

Why are you here OP?

I am here because I probably won’t speak to anyone but my parents till Monday morning, sorry if that’s put you out in some way

I think Silvery is trying to understand why you didn’t like your previous experience of living somewhere else, so she can answer your question.

OP, it comes down to whether this is a positive choice “I love living with my folks” or a negative choice “I don’t have anywhere I want to go”.

Because the first is fine, the second sounds rather sad and as though you may be depressed about your lack of options.

It does get to me sometimes but unfortunately the tone here has got increasingly adversarial and its put me on the defensive.

OP I would usually be the first person to say who cares what people think, if it's working for you then keep going.

But it doesn't sound like it's working for you at all. It sounds like your world at present is very small. You don't mention any hobbies and you say that you don't really socialise. Not having any meaningful life outside of your parents' house sounds unbearably sad, and of course that's going to impact on your self esteem.

You don't even seem to have the big advantage of living at home - that it's much cheaper to live. How have you managed to get into debt?

You sound very unhappy but also passive in your own life. You want to meet someone and have a family, but you don't want to do anything that would take you closer to that goal.

If you can't leave your parents' house right now, could you at least start to cultivate some interests outside the home? Some kind of hobby? To get you out of this rut, doing something that interests you and meeting like minded people your own age?

Is there anything you could go to this weekend where you will see other people?

I wouldn't say it's pathetic if you're not forced to live with them, but choose to. I can't say I understand that desire, but unless you're a 37 year old mooching off your parents I don't think you're doing anything wrong.

Lots of places bratsy but unfortunately I’d be alone in a crowd which is worse in many ways than just being alone.

I have tried hobbies and voluntary work and all the stuff that’s meant to help and somehow it doesn’t.

I’ve given up

I lived with my mum until I was 37 because she was disabled and needed care and finding the care so that I could work meant that I couldn't move out.

Several people have commented that they were living at home caring for an ailing parent, but that's not really germane to the issue, as it isn't the OP's situation. OP seems to be in more of a "failure to launch" situation.

Why not go to something local this weekend and chat to people. Say a xmas market and chat to stall holders a little bit. You are not get make a friend, but it sounds like you do need to start getting out there again.

I agree this is a failure to launch into life, and really your parents should have helped you when they saw you were struggling.

I'm from a culture where it's normal and if I hadn't married DH that's what I'd do. I'm very close to my parents and can remember their immense support when I had a rough patch starting my business in my 20s. They were always there for me and it was lovely to come home to people who truly cared about me. My DH also lived with his dad until we got married and he was 40 when we did. He saved a lot of money because he was paying minimal rent while renting out his own house. He liked his dad company and vice versa. I think it's pathetic that people think it's pathetic. It's an individual choice.

I don't think you're pathetic at all. As long as you and your family ate happy that's all that matters.

I think adults have a responsibility to contribute to the household both financially (if able) and in terms of housework.

I'm 27, a recent single mum and me and my mum live together. I have no and to change this we're very happy together.

Are you middle class OP?

It sounds as if you would like to date, but have convinced yourself it won't happen, and that no one will want you. But it has become a self fulfilling prophecy if you don't take steps to change things.

The difficulty for us is that you're clearly not happy where you're at but are not interested in trying to change things. That does make people frustrated, OP. What do you actually want out of your life?

Like I say ... I have (honestly) tried so hard.

Anyway. Hope you all have good weekends.

OP, I don’t think it’s a problem about where you live so much as what you want.

In your wildest fantasies what would you most like to do? What’s your dream? For example, I’d like to live somewhere sunny and go for walks on the beach every day. I’d read books and write books and not worry about money. I’d have my partner and cats and enough money to fly to see family whenever I wanted.

What would your dream life look like?

Oops not baroque. Burlesque. Don’t know where that came from. Big difference between the two! First 17th century. Second sexy, feminine dressing dancing.

What creambun?

Lizzie, if people are frustrated reading about my life they need to try living it.