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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if it’s pathetic to live with parents aged 37?

317 replies

orangecloves · 01/12/2017 14:37

I just don’t like living on my own but I’ve had a few ‘jokey’ comments at work about it and I’m wondering if 2018 should be the year I fly free ...

OP posts:
CactusJelly00 · 01/12/2017 17:00

You don't seem to want to hear living at home is disadvantaging you in any way.
With regards to dating you think it's not the problem.
You think a date wouldn't find coming to your home awkward (I would, ffs I'm not 15 anymore I don't want to deal with parents!)
You think your parents feel like you need to change, but don't think living with them is the problem....
you still haven't answered if you pay rent, or how you've ended up in debt if you live with them...?
I don't think it's pathetic depending on the reason, but as someone who moved out at 16 (Working 2 minimum wage jobs plus a 0hr contract wherever I could grab a shift or two) I can honestly say I'd go bonkers if I lived with my parents for more than a month, tops

Timmytoo · 01/12/2017 17:01

I’m 37 and live with my DP’s parents. I’ve lived on my own for 13 years but we’ve moved and now live in an area that only literally only millionaires can live in.

I’ve bought my own property but it is an hours drive from my job and home as I can’t afford to buy locally.

I do work from home but still have to meet up with my boss three times a week.

I love my job and I’m so happy, we don’t have kids so if we move one day I would have a long commute or we can live in a built in flat and have a good lifestyle except for the fact that we are living with parents!!

Reallycantbebothered · 01/12/2017 17:02

Do you think your parents think it's strange that you still live at home?...my dcs have now all left to got to Uni/ start first jobs and my dh and I are enjoying the new found freedom!
I can't imagine my dcs wanting to come back home ( well for any protracted length of time anyway ) after being at uni .dd 1 has just move to China to teach
And how have you got debt if you live at home?....Time to grow up I think!

BackforGood · 01/12/2017 17:04

Working class people in the past used to stay with parents until they got married, and often afterwards for quite a time

Er, massive generalisation there.
My parents didn't, in the 50s and end of 40s - they had 'digs'.... renting a room in a house from a landlady who chaperoned looked after them. Generations before them, huge numbers of working class young people went into service, very often 'living in' in quarters in the house they worked in. I was talking to a lady I know recently, who is 92. She was telling me how she misses the young men she used to let rooms to when they came to work at the giant factory near her home.

OP you do sound a bit depressed. A bit 'sorry for yourself'. You say you'd like a partner and a family, yet you are saying 'no-one would be interested in me'. You say you don't socialise much, and that on-line dating isn't for you. Why don't you socialise much ? Join things ? Volunteer ? Take up a hobby ? I doubt very much the man of your dreams is about to come and knock on your parents door, looking for you, if you aren't out and about having fun and enjoying life.

Original poster
orangecloves · 01/12/2017 17:04

I haven’t posted before, no.

A lot of suggestions are things I have already done or am doing.

OP posts:
brasty · 01/12/2017 17:05

So when have you went outside your comfort zone and it hasnt worked out?

Original poster
orangecloves · 01/12/2017 17:06

What do you mean, sorry?

OP posts:
NamedyChangedy · 01/12/2017 17:06

OP, you seem to be stuck in a cycle of negative thinking. Would you be open to getting some real-life professional help with it? Being in debt will make it hard to justify it but it sounds like it would be a worthwhile investment in your future.

Puremince · 01/12/2017 17:08

Do you have siblings? Assuming your parents own their home, will you inherit your parents property when they die, or will you have to move out to let their house be sold and the proceeds shared with your siblings? If you have siblings, would you parents give you a liferent of the property so you aren't made homeless when they die?

If your parents become incapacitated, would you be expected to care for them? Give up work to become a full-time carer?

Living with your parents may well be best for you right now, but you also need to think of the future.

scoobydoo1971 · 01/12/2017 17:10

To put this in perspective, lots of people are homeless or in temporary accommodation who would love to live a secure life at your parents house. Lots of people pay high rents and mortgage payments that keep them in a cycle of deprivation, and debt for years and years. You have stayed with your parents, and presumably you are comfortable with the arrangement - apart from snide comments at work. I assume your parents are happy to, or else you would have been asked to leave. I have lived abroad in countries where three or four generations of the same family live together, even after marriage. If you want to find a place to live, that is your choice. Don't do it to 'find a man' as some of the responders have implied, and don't do it for the sake of appearances to show how 'cool' and 'independent' you are. Do it because you want a change, or stay where you are and accept you have better circumstances than many people.

It is not odd or strange to live with parents. I moved back into my mother's house at 44 because she had breast cancer and needed help. I brought my kids, and my husband stayed at our previous family home due to work reasons. I am about to move back out to resume family life in our own house and it feels great. I enjoy the thought of having my own front door again. If I was in your situation, I would stay put and sort my financial situation. When you eventually leave, it would be a wiser investment to buy a place for future security than waste money on market rent.

brasty · 01/12/2017 17:13

You said OP that every time you went outside of your comfort zone, it had not worked out.

Original poster
orangecloves · 01/12/2017 17:14

No siblings.

It is what it is I suppose.

It isn’t that I don’t think it impacts on me dating. But since I can’t date anyway it seems stupid to move out in order to encourage dates that wouldn’t happen. Like moving to Scotland for the sun.

OP posts:
Original poster
orangecloves · 01/12/2017 17:14

That’s right.

OP posts:
GinUnicorn · 01/12/2017 17:14

Honestly I do think it is a bit odd (sorry don't mean to be horrible)

St 37 surely you want to be independent and free not still using parents as a safety blanket.

You might find your views have changed on living alone or house sharing. I hated living alone for the first few months then came to love the freedom.

It sounds like you want something different so take a risk. I hope hints work out for you. Flowers

brasty · 01/12/2017 17:15

So when have you went outside of your comfort zone and it has not worked out?

Fairylea · 01/12/2017 17:16

It’s odd that you write you “can’t date”. You absolutely can date. The only person stopping you is yourself. There’s a lot of depression in your posts. You only get one life, and it goes very fast. You need to grab it with both hands and make stuff happen.

NameChanger22 · 01/12/2017 17:16

It would only be pathetic if you were unhappy about it, but couldn't be bothered to change it.

It's your life, and as long as you're not harming anyone else you can live as you please.

I have friends who are older than you and still live with their parents. They have a nice life because the parents are easy going, and they have more money and fewer responsibilities. I'm a tiny bit jealous, but I could never live with my parents again..

Original poster
orangecloves · 01/12/2017 17:16

Why do you want to know? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
orangecloves · 01/12/2017 17:17

I can’t - it takes two people to date. I could kidnap someone I suppose lol. Might be illegal though!

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 01/12/2017 17:17

Not everyone wants to date. Lots of people decide it's more trouble than its worth.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/12/2017 17:17

Not pathetic. But sad. Sad for you. There will be someone out there for you. Perhaps you need to get some therapy, do some kind of baroque class, get some confidence somehow.

LisaMed1 · 01/12/2017 17:20

tinysparklyshoes okay I will stand in the corner and think very hard about what I have done wrong and get over myself.

You're right, 'upset' was the wrong word.

loobyloo1234 · 01/12/2017 17:23

Cant date = Wont date

Original poster
orangecloves · 01/12/2017 17:23

Not sure what baroque is but I have already tried a lot.

OP posts:
tinysparklyshoes · 01/12/2017 17:24

your posting style is distinctive and you've said the exact phrases as on your last thread, we know its not true that this is your first post, OP.