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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party guest showed up early...

465 replies

Fizz190 · 01/12/2017 08:32

Hi all, first post here but I'm looking for some objective opinions!

I recently hosted a party for a group of 8 mum friends and their babies. We've only known each other for a few months and it's the first time I've done anything like this so I put myself under a lot of pressure. I spent a lot of time cleaning and tidying the house the day before, and baked a cake and some brownies. The morning of the party I had planned to vacuum and do a few last minute bits and pieces around the house as well as baking some scones. Everything went wrong though as I had a power cut and had no electricity and no hot water for 6 hours so I had to rush around doing everything at the last minute (whilst entertaining my 6 month old baby) . I ended up getting ready for a shower half an hour before people arrived - I was in a total panic by this stage. At this point I got a message from one of the mums saying she was outside my house - half an hour early. I don't know her well enough to be comfortable to answer the door in a towel so I sent her a message apologising that I was just getting in the shower and I'd be 10 mins max. She said she'd go for a walk.

When she arrived back I apologised again, explained I'd had a nightmare with the power cut and all seemed fine. After the party she messaged to say thanks and I immediately took the opportunity to apologise again. She replied saying how hard it had been for her to have to stay out in the cold as her little boy is ill. I'd completely forgotten he was poorly (my bad) so apologised again and said I hoped he was OK. She accepted my apology and I thought that was the end of it.

The next night my husband received a message from her husband expressing how upset he was at how I'd treated his wife and child. My husband and I were both baffled by this. He sent a quick apology and I then messaged them both with a very long apology acknowledging that I should have remembered that the baby was ill and that I really hadn't intended to upset anyone. I made no excuses at all and said I'd hope they'd both forgive me. The husband replied saying that his wife had forgiven me but that he had "no words" and that he'd "calm down in time".

I feel that this has been blown way out of proportion and I've gone from feeling bad about upsetting them to feeling quite angry that he hasn't accepted my apology.

I'd really genuinely value people's thoughts either way. Am I in the wrong here?

For context the baby has been to the doctor and it's been confirmed that it's probably just a cold but that he does have a bit if mucus on his chest which might need antibiotics.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Katherine2626 · 02/12/2017 18:09

Horrible people! Talk about a pair of drama queens. If the baby was that ill she should have stayed at home; presumably she had a car to sit in and if not the baby should have been well wrapped up. Being too early is rude; you have apologised as you are sorry that she was upset/cold/ offended/speechless or whatever else was wrong with this stupid pair of fuss makers. Drop them like hot potatoes .

Aeroflotgirl · 02/12/2017 18:13

Look op, I certainly would not be hosting her again! It was her decision to make regarding her child, and I would never have brought an ill baby with a possible chest infection out like that anyway. To whine to her husband, does she always get him to fight her battles! I know you like hosting, but don't be a doormat and let people walk all over you!

Hellywelly10 · 02/12/2017 18:13

I'm usually late but never ever have been turned away from a social gathering for being early.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/12/2017 18:16

What the hell is was she doing trapising across London on public transport, in this cold weather with an ill baby. What the hell was she playing it waiting outside in the cold, when she should have found a cafe and sat inside or a shop or something, or taken him back home. She sounds very selfish, other babies will get this from him. Silly woman. I would be very careful with her, and keep her at harms length, she is no friend.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/12/2017 18:17

Helly op had some unforseen circumstances which led her to be late getting ready. I would feel very uncomfortable showering and getting ready, with a stranger downstairs.

CatkinToadflax · 02/12/2017 18:24

It's pretty selfish to cart an ill baby around - both for the baby himself and for the others he's coming into contact with. When DS1 was very young he ended up in hospital for over a week due to a chest infection turning into pneumonia when another parent brought their ill baby to an NCT gathering. They knew about my DS's lung problems but chose to bring their sick child anyway. Hmm

OP I don't think YABU at all. They sound a bit nuts, the DH especially!

sonjadog · 02/12/2017 18:35

What ridiculous people. I would take mental note to give them a wide berth in future.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 02/12/2017 18:38

I HATE people turning up early. I'm far far happier with them being late (my family are always ridiculously late to every gathering, and I don't mind). Come late, I'm relaxing with a glass of wine. Come early and I'm all disorganized and can't really recover. It's like when you sleep in and the rest of the day feels chaotic!
I would have let her in, but would have been gritting my teeth (maybe get my DH to text her DH later about how upset I was and how she ruined my party.....Wink)

As for the DH...I have no words!! If my DH did that I would be raging and mortified. Surely a grown woman can fight her own battles?

Re the baby: either he is well enough to be out in the cold or he is unwell enough to be kept at home.

My conclusion is that they are a couple of twats

BigRedMama · 02/12/2017 18:39

The husband overreacted but seriously, you should have let them in while you had a shower...

Someonessnackbitch · 02/12/2017 18:46

You don’t know how very well? Well why does her husband have your husbands number. I think they blew it way out of proportion but you were also very unreasonable to have not allowed her in so you could have a shower. You have a 6 month old so you know how inconvenient the smallest of things can. Why couldn’t you just jet her sit in your living room. You were both pretty unreasonable!

tinypop4 · 02/12/2017 18:49

Yanbu. Half an our is ridiculously early and if their baby wasn't well perhaps she shouldn't have taken him to a party.
If I was you I would have messages back the husband to say unfortunately his wife was 30 mins earlier than the pre-arranged date and you were showering as you weren't expecting anyone yet. to avoid future problems she should not arrive so bloody early .

VerbenaGirl · 02/12/2017 18:59

I don’t think that you were unreasonable at all, and the husband sounds like a total twat. If the baby was really that unwell, should they have been out and about at all? Or at least definitely not have risked arriving early.

LookingForwardToChristmas · 02/12/2017 19:01

They are as rude as each other.

I would be mortified if my husband tried to get involved in something like that. Thankfully he isn’t a dick so it would never come up!

I think that arriving unannounced 30 mins early is rude and I also think bringing an ill baby to someone’s house where other babies will be without running it past everyone is also rude. If she used public transport to get there and got the timings wrong, then presumably she and her baby were wrapped up suitably for a short walk anyway. If she walked there, then a further walk isn’t an issue and if she drove then the car is warm for them both to stay in.

In our NCT group, the course leader sent out all of the phone numbers of mothers and partners so I don’t think that is strange or unusual. I can also understand why you don’t want the rest of your NCT group to be in an awkward position or for things to be difficult but you are not in the wrong here.

XmasInTintagel · 02/12/2017 19:19

Its really rude to show up half an hour early to a group thing, full stop. The host is bound to be busy getting ready. I have never, ever done that, if u get there early you walk around, go in a cafe, whatever you like, but not expect the host to deal with you.
She sounds a bit of a victim, and her husband is obviously used to seeing her as almost a child who needs looking after by him, and by extension, everyone else.

XmasInTintagel · 02/12/2017 19:24

I'm surprised at how many people say you should have let her in, and got her to mind both babies. I would never leave someone I barely knew in my house, while I went for a shower, and certainly not in charge of my baby. Doesn't seem a very responsible choice to me, to do that (I suspect people assume anyone who has a baby is automatically completely trustworthy, but thats not really logical, IMO)

MiniMaxi · 02/12/2017 19:27

I haven't RTFT but two things jump out:

  1. She was early. That's not your problem.
  1. It's irresponsible of her to bring a sick baby to a party with lots of other young babies. She should have stayed home.
MiniMaxi · 02/12/2017 19:27

So basically YANBU!

purplecloudsgreyrain · 02/12/2017 19:31

If she had not been to your house before she probably just mistimed the journey. I often arrive early when I go to new places as I worry about getting lost and being massively late.

I would have let her in and do think it was a somewhat off of you not to let her in on a cold day. I'd have been a bit miffed by this. But I'd have been more mortified if my husband sent that text.

turnturtle · 02/12/2017 19:31

Stay in your adult mode. That’s what you need to do in the face of childish tantrums.

Maireadplastic · 02/12/2017 19:38

I am notoriously punctual. If I run early (as often happens) I will text and say 'it looks like I may get to yours half an hour early- but be totally honest if you need more time, I can pop into a café or something'.

I don't understand why she have texted you en route to say she was running early.

Angie169 · 02/12/2017 19:42

It seems this lady has overreacted ,
1st do not turn up so early, you could of been out so she still would not of been able to come in.
2nd, If her baby was so ill he should not of been out , or mixing with other little ones.
If he was not so ill then been out side for a while would not of been a problem.
3rd It is your house , you get to say who comes in and when.
4th You have said sorry on more that one occasion, that should of been the end of it.

Drop her and her husband and make some new friends.

justlliloleme · 02/12/2017 20:36

Bloody ‘ell they sound like right nobs. You apologised & that should have been enough. I’d have ignored any further texts in the subject or replied ‘so what do you want me to do about it now?’
But I’m almost 45 & have got to the age where I can’t be arsed with shit like that 😜

jayne1976 · 02/12/2017 20:38

Should they contact you again don’t reply for a good 12 hours, and then sporry been really busy today as x has obviously caught Ys cold!

keffie12 · 02/12/2017 20:42

Think you have apologised more than you should have! She was early. You weren't ready. She bought her baby out with a cold.

No thank you it sounds for having her and her poorly baby! No thank you for your hospitality.

Why is her husband getting involved for as well! Drop them both from a great height.

You gave her hospitality and this is your thanks. Drop them. Up to you what time you have them into your house

tootruetoyou · 02/12/2017 20:43

They sound a pain in the arse. As others have said, if the baby was that ill she should not have been bringing him. I would stop apologising and dump them. These hyper over protective types are always bad news.