Demanding the kids carry Drunk Grandad to bed at Xmas

[Lanaorana2]

Elderly parents off to stay with their DS and DGCs (three teens) at Xmas. Lovely. DF is an alcoholic. Not so lovely. DM has asked in advance that the DGCs are on hand to 'get Granpa to bed safely'. Dbro and Dsil can't do it on their own, not strong enough.

Granpa, who is 6 foot, will be drunk and a dead weight, needs carrying by two hefty teens to the guest room. At the last family party at their house he had to be carried and put to bed. He walks fine when he hasn't drunk a bottle of scotch.

He falls in his own home often; neither he nor his wife see the need for change. But are they being U or non-U asking their DGC to get involved?

So, let me get this right.

GM is trying to motivate all of you to allow GF to slowly kill himself and cast a shadow over your Christmas and somehow you are seeing if you can make it work? Kind of of like pushing drugs except its not drugs as we know it but something just as bad.

Is that correct?

And it will be funny and customary. The old rogue.

Ha.

Ha.

Exactly how elderly and vulnerable is he? Because my firs thought would be pillow under his head, a blanket of him and he can sleep where he fell.

Wife and children have normalised and enabled him and now you want to pass that baton on to the grandchildren?

Why do think seeing their granddad like that would put the children off? You're making it seem normal and an everyday occurrence and that everyone accommodates it.

In my teens I had a very close friend who had an alcoholic father and the shame and embarrassment she felt was indescribable.

Lanaorana2
I literally hadn't made the connection 😳
Alcoholism is called a family illness and I'd always taken that to mean hereditary, but thinking about it now, I wonder whether it's to do with observing and normalising behaviour.

I wouldn’t have them to stay. Just grim.

Please protect your children from this.

Have done it myself with a parent, had to clear up the sick etc.

I don't think this has made me prone to alcohol problems at all, it did make me think less of the person though.

It's just a horrible way to live, and I wouldn't enable it.

PMSL!

Are people bored or something?!

Lanaorana,

Do not subject your children to their drunkard grandfather like this. They should not be expected to carry him to bed either. Such and your mother's behaviours only serve to further enable and normalise this from the alcoholic.

Alcoholism is described as a family disease; it can and does affect the whole family and everything ends up revolving around the alcoholic. It can also be learnt behaviour.

Al-anon would also be well worth contacting.

I couldn't have my dc in this environment, they wouldn't be going, we'd be staying at home and stating why.
It may be normal for alcoholics and their carers/enablers to live like that, but it isn't normal family behaviour.

Please do not make your children do this. It is horrible. I had to share my home with an alcoholic uncle throughout my teens. It has made it very very hard for me to even tolerate alcoholics, and my brother is one and he lives with us. I absolutely hate it, though I really love my bro.

WHY the rickety fuck would you even consider having children around a man who gets this drunk???

I won't go into details, but I have experienced having to ignore alcoholism. The volume of alcohol consumed and the resulting behaviour were never to be mentioned.

Having to push someone up the stairs to get them to bed, often after a really unpleasant evening is hideous.

I would not inflict the company of an alcoholic on my children. No question about it.

Where DOES he usually sleep when he drinks to passing out at home? Presumably his wife doesn’t move him?

It is one thing someone accidentally over-indulging and needing help as a one-off.

It’s totally different to plan who will need your available to help in advance. And as the DC of the family - strapping teens notwithstanding- is really awful. It looks like all the adults are condoning and enabling the behaviour/addiction.

I wouldn’t be letting him in my home

Absolutely not acceptable for that to be the plan!

Please don’t just “leave him in the garden” as pps have suggested - even with a blanket exposure will likely kill him.

I know posters have probably said this slightly tongue in cheek but it’s just made my blood run cold

Dear heavens! So many posters who think people should pander to a serial drinker. It is not normal to drink to that state. It has been endured by the family which is why he is still doing it, Show him it is unacceptable

For God's sake why is this even a question? Can't you talk to your family?! Leave him in chair/ on floor with a blanket over him. If his wife wants to break her back aiming to carry him then she can do so. What an odd AIBU are these DGCs being taught to be passive people pleasers by parents who can't speak up and say No to silly requests? My DCs would not do this, no way. I wouldn't need to tell them to say no, either

I thought this was going to be about an episode of Mrs Brown's boys when I read the title

For me whilst it's a horrible image the age of the teenagers is relevant. If they're 17-19 they're probably going to have dealt with inebriated friends already. Younger, I wouldn't want to expose them to it. My late DMIL had to picked off the floor on a number of occasions and I know that was distressing for DH. Interestingly he doesn't drink whilst his DB drinks far too much.

This might be a silly question but can he be not allowed to help himself to drink and just have a drink when everyone else gets served one? Perhaps a teen could more usefully be out on drinks cupboard guard duty?

It just wouldn't work. My FIL was an alcoholic, and when he stayed with us he used to go sneaking round the house at all hours trying to find booze. If we didn't have any in the house, he would go out and buy it (only time he did go out). If he went to other people's houses, he would find his way to their drinks cupboard and help himself without asking, relying on the fact that they would usually be too polite to object.

Out of sheer curiosity, how does MiL get him to bed when she doesn't have sons and grandsons to help her?

Not a fucking chance.
And I would be more annoyed at her than him.
Even if you told her straight he sleeps where he falls,what kind of a Christmas is everyone going to have waiting for this performance.He can do what the fuck he wants when he wants but how dare she expose the dgc and anyone else to this bollocks.
She has chosen to accept this,and how dare she expect any generation to have to witness this.
I don't know how she has got the brass neck to even complain about you to other family when she is totally out of order.
Really boils my piss.