Demanding the kids carry Drunk Grandad to bed at Xmas

[Lanaorana2]

Elderly parents off to stay with their DS and DGCs (three teens) at Xmas. Lovely. DF is an alcoholic. Not so lovely. DM has asked in advance that the DGCs are on hand to 'get Granpa to bed safely'. Dbro and Dsil can't do it on their own, not strong enough.

Granpa, who is 6 foot, will be drunk and a dead weight, needs carrying by two hefty teens to the guest room. At the last family party at their house he had to be carried and put to bed. He walks fine when he hasn't drunk a bottle of scotch.

He falls in his own home often; neither he nor his wife see the need for change. But are they being U or non-U asking their DGC to get involved?

No way.

How do the teenagers feel about it?

Tbh I'm going to say whilst I wouldn't "book in" my teens to help him- he's an alcoholic. If they see him, this is the behaviour they will
Be exposed to. You're not going to change his behaviour.

There must be a huge amount of stain on his wife, the mother, and I think on balance, I would be trying to take the strain away from her so she can half attempt a nice family Xmas as a break from what must be a pretty shit life.

However this would involve the adults dragging him to bed. No idea why 2 teens would have to do it because 2 adults can't

NovemberWitch I take your point and I agree to the extent that DCs should be taught to look after one another as young adults because let's face it we have all probably overdone it at this age. However, this is a fully-fledged adult who is an alcoholic and who is being supported in his drinking by his DW and apparently other members of the family. That is a very different situation.

Wish for snow.
Roll him in it..
Shove carrot in his face.
Close door.

Bloody no chance would I let my kids lift and carry their grandfather to bed. Said grandfather wouldn't be in the house if he was going to be in that state!

I would just make it a teetotal Christmas

*except for the bra st butter. I look forward to that stuff all year

The more his behaviour is pandered to, excused and enabled the worse it will get.

If he's told beforehand he can't drink/get drunk and decides he doesn't want to come - his loss. If his wife decides she can't come either because she doesn't want to leave him on his own - her loss. If they don't see their grandchildren because of this it is their own fault.

I wouldn't let any child of mine, no matter what their age, see a grandparent in that state let alone expect them to carry them to bed.

No I disagree, his wife is fully aware, So if she's already pre planning on how her husband gets to bed, it's nobody else's responsibility, it should even be gets but she's chosen to put up with this, why shod the children be given prewarned responsibility to look after him?!

.

Lanaorana2 yes it is safer. For the person being transported there's the risk of being dropped. For the people doing the moving there's the risk of strain or injury. Not much can happen to him on the floor in the

Recovery Position

Just make sure that DF and DM are clearly informed before hand that this is the plan.

"She's chosen to put up with this" is harsh. She's in a very very difficult situation. There are no winners living with an addict

Leave him in his own home to look after himself whilst DM joins the festivities with the rest of the family

Have a dry Christmas?
To be clear, I have little tolerance for alcoholics or their misuse of the NHS, transplant service or the general abuse and danger they share with others. I’m also a supporter of get caught DUI= lifetime ban.
But he’s a relative, they invited them for Christmas knowing he was an alcoholic. So they need to deal with the problems that will create.

My stupid phone

*it shouldn't even be her responsibility

*should not shod

...but taking care of friends or relatives when they are pissed is an adult rite of passage. it really isn't. I've been pissed a few times and dh has looked after me, and vice versa. But never with forethought or expecting someone to carry me to bed.And assuming it's the role of teenagers, no matter how strapping they are, is awful.

@Lana. yes its dangerous to carry a drunk adult about! they could drop him, put their backs out, get vomit in their hair or anything. much safer to put in the recovery position and cover with a warm blanket.

God no!

and to think I used to complain about having to do the washing up...

I'm not sure why but I really feel the DGCs should not be handling their dead drunk DF. Just gives them a warped view of an adult male's behaviour. Also teaches them that that behaviour is ok (DGM's attitude).
Really bad messages to be sending them.
Also that it's ok to be seen in such an unrespectable state. And that it's ok for family to collude in allowing this behaviour.
All v wrong.
And knowing how the day is likely to end, what a shadow to cast over the DCs Chrismas even if they are teens.

Bubblebubblepop I understand you saying it was harsh what I put, living with an addict, but it's abit harsh asking family and trying to prepare plans to get him to bed.

She has the choice to go and enjoy herself, which she has every right, but to want children to put this man to bed, that's unfair. If he can't manage the time sober, he shouldn't be there. It shouldn't effect everyone

I'm not going to get into the rights and wrongs of him drinking himself into a stupor but what I will say, is that anyone carrying him to bed is at real risk of a back injury.
Offer him a blanket where he lays or nothing.

Hmmm it's an awkward situation but I think the best advice has been to put him in the recovery position on the floor. If there is a positive in this it's that your teens will be able to see the downside of alcohol up close and personal

Bollocks to that . Prebooking people to get him to bed , and potentially doing themselves a mischief in the process ? Hell , no . Let him sleep where he lands up , unless it’s actively dangerous . Them’s the consequences of drinking yourself insensible .

P.s Those of you getting all het up about the moral issue of the teens having to do this for their Grandpa...remember they will happily carry this task out for their six foot mates after too much to drink at the local hangout.

I wouldn't be having Xmas with an alcoholic at all - imo if he can't stop drinking then he isn't invited.

What a horrible way to spend Christmas - watching an adult get so drunk he can't stand. And how come everyone else seems to just accept this and prepare how to deal with it, rather than not accepting it and leaving him to deal with it?

I would tell him if he can' stay sober he's not welcome. (Other guests would be allowed to get tipsy of course - but not a known alcoholic - it doesn't work like that).