DH wants to try for DC5 in case it's a girl.

[wonder1ng]

I'm 37, DH is 42 and we have 4 boys (7, 5 and non-identical twins just turned 3). So two in school now and the twins go to a nursery playgroup 9 - 12.15 on 3 mornings a week.

My AIBU is that I know DH would love a girl and he's now talking about going for DC5 as "you only live once." Obviously, he knows there are no guarantees, but he claims he would be happy with another boy anyway.

I feel conflicted about it because I'm just starting to get some time back now the twins are in playgroup. I worry if a fifth child would mean I'm spreading myself too thinly - e.g. when we go on holiday, I'd like to be able to do things with the boys we have rather than always being in the sideline "holding the baby." Also I worry about added financial pressure on DH with the school fees and everything else (though he claims it won't make much difference) and while I know some families who have 4 DC, I don't know any who have 5!

AIBU to say 5 DC might be a step too far and DH should just accept that he has 2 nieces and focus on them?!

Newminou... I’ve never laughed so much from reading a post 😂😂. There’s funny people on Mumsnet.

Will he take them all with him, all six, if your relationship fails.
Highly unlikely. So no more.

Were any of your current boys conceived in the hope of a girl or has he only decided now he wants a girl?
When you're getting your life back a bit..

I’m one of five girls and my mother’s only sibling had five boys! Just saying . . . (OTOH I have two boys and do feel very sad we won’t have a girl so I understand where he’s coming from.)

I have three boys. I used to wonder about how it would be to have a girl but then I looked at my husband's sisters- both very masculine and have done none of those milestones that others talk about 'missing': No weddings, child birth, even shopping trips.

OP, I'm slightly past your stage and we're really happy with our lot.

The likelihood of twins increases as you get older, especially if you have already had twins. Would you want another two?

He seemed delighted when the first two were boys. With the twins, we were told in an early scan that one was a girl. DH said was really happy about it, but then when it was revealed they were both boys, he seemed fine. He's really proud of the boys, don't get me wrong, but he's always said he wants a little girl as well! I really don't know why he's like this as he's not from a massive family himself and most of his friends would be be alarmed at the prospect of 5 kids and the cost.

There are countries where you can have ivf and pick gender... Jordan for one. Just fyi.

I am an only child, I have 3 children. 2 girls and a boy. We didn't know until the 3rd was born that he was a bit as his his bits on all scans (and as diabetic I had a lot of scans).
We thought he was a girl as pregnancy was the same as the others. Even if he had been a girl we would quite like another butt I almost died during his birth and the surgeon's were very very realistic when they discussed it with us afterwards.
You have to think about what you want, if you want another baby go for it but be prepared it may be a boy. Good luck OP. X

Well you don’t sound like you want another one to be honest. However I think you are considering it because your DH wants it, and of course it’s fine to consider it. But also consider that you might not get a girl, you might get another multiple pregnancy, you might get a baby with mild to even severe disabilities, you might have serious complications, etc etc. Personally I wouldn’t be pushing my luck to appease my husband, unless I really really wanted another baby too.

Tell him about the theory that the bigger your willy, the more likely you are to have boy children, and gently explain that he is far too well-hung to ever sire a daughter

2/3 of my daughters are not crafty, glittery dressy girls at all. Sillly gender stereotypes are a daft reason to want a girl baby.

No guarantee would be a girl so the reason has to be 100% wanting another child. Sorry but unless you are in the millionaire bracket think 4 is enough.

The posts that have been hard to read - when you ask yourself honestly, is it because some part of you knows they could be right? You dont need to answer here, just ask yourself.

A lot of things you've said remind me so much of a woman who was on the freedom program with me. She realised in the end that he wanted her to keep getting her pregnant as a way of keeping her. The more DC involved the more tied down a woman is, the more tired a woman is likely to become (pregnancy and new born stage are draining on anyone), the pregnancy impacts on most women's bodies for a long time after pregnancy, meaning the woman is kept "less attractive" to other men by keeping her "breeding", more DC means fewer other men will look at a woman, etc (note these aren't my personal opinions but the opinions often held by a certain type of man). Your posts certainly suggest these may possibly be an issue you face with your husband, so please think deeply about it (and yes it's hard to think about these things with a man you love but you need to be honest with yourself).

I'm also with other posters - i find the strength of desire for a girl, when you have 4 boys, quite worrying. I don't think he'd be a particularly good parent for a girl. Plus in my experience girls who only have multiple older brothers, and no other siblings, tend to be on average less girly girl. Also if it's another boy I would worry about him actively disliking the child. (My ex wanted DC2 to be a boy but said it didn't matter either way. Then DC2 was found to be a girl at 20 week scan, once born his hatred of her became obvious).

Also I have a boy and a girl. I've tried to raise fairly gender neutral. I've got two DC who love dolls, pink and glitter but also trains, cars, building things and climbing trees. My DD is the more boisterous one and will happily get stuck in playing rough games and climbing/jumping off anything she can. She has never tolerated a dress - she didn't like them getting in the way (can't say I blame her). My DS is more into baking cakes than my DD. DD is certainly not a stereotypical girl - i get the feeling your husband would be disappointed to get a girl like her?

Sorry haven’t rtft but to those saying it’s impossible to have boy girl identical / monozygotic twins... No it’s not impossible it’s just very rare.
Boy (XY) zygote splits into two and separates then a mutation can occur where one of the new zygotes loses its Y in the 23rd pair (the sex chromosome pair). That twin develops into a female. That child is said to have a specific condition that can affect their developemnt due to them missing that other chromosome but for the life of me I can’t remember what it’s called.
You can look it up if you’re really interested though, I’m just being lazy.

Anyway TLDR - identical / monozygotic boy/girl twins... Extremely rare but NOT impossible

Rumbuba- this is why you should rtft 🙄

I had 3 miscarriages before 2 successful births. Our dc are happy that they are only 2 (not in a horrid selfish way) but bc they liked having our attention as little ones. They try to imagine 3 more siblings and they like just two. You can spread yourself thin. Also, as having one each, girls are way more trouble in the teen years. I've asked MANY people and it's been unanimous that girls are more difficult in the 15-25 range.

Frankly, in a hypothetical scenario, even though i love dd to bits, i would rather have 4 sons. She's killing me. Drama, hormones, worries, cruel words

Girls are not just sugar and spice. My dd is my husband with hormones.

But i love her.

Well sorry Brutus, i did search on the page first but couldn’t get a match of the key words before posting. I just found two posts that mention this phenomenon though while continuing to read, thanks @Violetta and @HeartburnCentral for explaining in detail... Turner Syndrome!

With the wonderful new gender recognition act you could just get one or two of your boys to self declare and job done without any need for pregnancy !

It was a long time ago but I researched into infertility a lot at one point in my life - and I’m pretty sure the Male Y sperm have a very short shelf life of a few days, where the female X sperm can have up to two weeks. There are two small pockets in the womb where the female sperm can hang out for two weeks waiting for an egg. So you could in theory only hve sex 10-14 days before you ovulate...if you are regular with your cycle. But, to be honest it sounds more like you are thinking you don’t want any more babies regardless of what sex they are and that’s fine too of course. Have you considered adopting an older child or getting an aupair to help with a baby? By the way, I am one of five, my mum was one of six, and my Dad was also one of five. I like being part of a big family. But it’s a different era now with people leading different lifestyles.

LanceLottie hilarious post! 😂

I too find your husband's obsession with having a girl worrying. I have a friend who has 2 boys, she's desperate for a girl, as is her husband, although I'm not quite sure why. When her second boy was born, she said she knew she'd have a second boy and that that was what she had to go through to 'get her girl' My respect for her reduced quite a bit that day, I'm afraid. Either her third will be another boy, and therefore a disappointment from day 1, or they will be a girl with the pressure of some idealised notion of what it is to be a girl. And what about her existing 2 boys? I really think you need to want another BABY, regardless of sex.

And to the posters suggesting adoption as an excellent solution, firstly I'm not convinced that pandering to the whims of her husband on this issue is in the OP's best interests. Secondly, I work with children in the care system. It comes across as an especially naïve suggestion to suggest adoption on grounds of sex selection.

OP, do not do this.

What a selfish, selfish man.

He is putting his own wants and desires ahead of his own family.

You on on the edge of a knife right now and this decision will be your breaking point.

If you have a little girl, your boys will never have a look in again, she will be the priority in their father's eyes.

As a result, the boys will have issues of not being wanted for the rest of their lives and that little girl will grow up knowing she was favourite and carry that guilt as well.

You will lose any final sense of your own life with your husband swanning in and out when it suits him to spend time with his 'special little girl.'

And be damn sure you'll hear about it when you don't have biscuits and a card waiting for him.

If you have a boy, it will be 'let's try for number six' or that beautiful baby will always know he was his parents last ditch attempt to get a daughter.

Or what if that child, whether it be he or she, is born with some kind of additional needs? Do you have it in you to deal with that? Five children is a huge amount! Will it be let's try for number six to get 'a normal girl?'

You don't want to do this, you want to make your husband happy and that is never an excuse to have a baby.

Just hope you get Granddaughters in the future.

I'd love 4 boys, stick with what you've got.