Woman charges family £30 per adult for Christmas dinner!

[Butterfr33]

There's a lady whose story is circulating online and has appeared on 'This Morning'. She charges the adults in her family £30 each for food and drinks for Christmas Day. This has caused a lot of outrage!

AIBU to agree with her? One person can't be expected to pay for 12+ people's food and drinks, of course the should contribute! In the past she's tried 'bring a dish' but people were unreliable and most would forget!

‘We can have Christmas dinner at ours but I can’t afford to pay for everyone is it ok if we split the cost?’
That sounds perfectly reasonable.

We went out for Christmas last year and it was £50 a head without booze or food at home, £30 is a bargain.

This year we’re having it at the pil’s who flat out refuse to accept anything and we always end up feeling guilty and taking a big overpriced bunch of flowers that they don’t want and they put in the porch (they have a flower scheme don’t you know). I’d much rather just give them some money so it feels more equal.

@commuterface
My family never does this as there aren't enough of us but I do know many families who would have 20-30 people for Christmas lunch. Extended family can multiply very quickly. One of my friends will have 4 generations for Christmas lunch this year. I don't understand why you think this is so alien?

@buzzkillington

We are hosting this year (20 in total) and I know guests will come laden with champagne, wine, port and cheese as they always do. This is more than enough of a contribution imo.

@mindutopia
My dh comes from a family in his mum's generation of 5 children. 5 aunts and uncles and their partners alone is 10 people, plus a grandparents is a few more, then each of the 5 siblings has between 3 and 4 children each, so in our generation there are 18 cousins, plus their spouses, and now several of us have a kid or two. 10 aunts/uncles + 2 grandparents + 18 cousins + 18 partners of cousins + 6 small children is 54 people. And that's not even including my mum and stepdad or other extended family or the lonely elderly neighbour and there's always a few of those too.

Sorry I wasn't going to post again, but I HAVE to know this.

How?

How can the people, claiming to have 25 to 45 people for Christmas lunch, POSSIBLY accommodate so many people, and COOK the Christmas dinner for so many people in a single kitchen with a single oven and a single 4-pot hob? (Which is what the vast majority of the population have.)

HOW?

I simply cannot get my head around the logistics of having 25-45 people for Christmas lunch. The most that most people could fit in would be perhaps 8. Or 10 maximum. I have cooked dinner for 9 people recently (including me and DH) and it was really stressful!

What kind of kitchen do these people have? Do they have a 30 x 40 foot kitchen in a mansion, with servants and cooks and bottle washers? And half a dozen 10 kilo turkeys???

How the hell do you find all the crockery and cutlery and pots and pans? Or do your 'guests' bring their own?! Do you put on the ticket charging £30, 'must bring your own plates and cutlery?' Coz who the hell has enough plates and cutlery for 25-45 people?! ?!!!

What about the seating? Where the hell do they all SIT?

They must have a dining room the size of a bleedin' tennis court!

This puts me in mind of those daft adverts where the stressed and hassled 'mum' is cooking Christmas dinner for 25+ people, when in reality, having 25+ people for Christmas dinner rarely happens to anyone.

@ReanimatedGB

I wonder how much of the whining about this is also bound up in the idea that women exist to service others, for 'love', and that they should never expect any kind of reward.

The only one to mention that is you.

@Willow2017

To expect your mum to cater for all that every sodding year without contributing a thing is greedy and lazy. None of the family bring anything to help feed them all. Maybe in your family they do but not in this poor woman's case it must have cost her a fortune every year.

Whose fault is that? No-one ASKED her to do it. The whole story (in the media) sounds like bullshit to me. Like much of the claims from people who say they host Christmas dinner for 2 to 4 dozen people, and have a £1000 grocery bill for Christmas dinner alone!

And I re-iterate, I don't know a single soul in real life who does this. Only on mumsnet do these outlandish claims appear. There are some massive stealth boasts on this thread. Yuk. Very unpleasant to see.

Of she consistently hosts then why shouldn't everyone contribute financially.

If I go to my dads or in-laws we ask them what he wants me to buy or if we can split the cost. My dad always says no as he's okay financially but last time at the in-laws we made and took the turkey and the desert and we always take our own alcohol.

My in-laws came to my dads last year and took loads of alcohol and snack type foods like chocolates etc.

Everyone should contribute definitely. The costs for adults for the meals, snacks, alcoholic drinks especially if they drink slot and the gas and electric for the meals and keeping the heating up could easily come to 360.

Me and my Dsis have both hosted Xmas dinner at our homes for each other and some friends and we’ve always had a cover cost per person- £30 sounds more than reasonable and it means everyone can have something a bit special- none of us are wealthy and if either of us ended up footing the bill we’d be either seriously skint or the spread would be a lot less luxe than we’d like.

It’s just chipping in and nobody gets their knickers in a twist. All of us are either poor or know what it’s like to be poor so we see it as a fair way for everyone to have a lovely day. The generosity of the hosts is in the effort made cooking and having everyone over. If there’s money left over it gets split and goes back to people.

Wish I could, having done Christmases for everyone for years.
Was lovely in the early days but I’ve felt really used the last couple of times.
I don’t think this is the solution for me though, I need to grow a pair of baubles and say No!

What kind of kitchen do these people have? Do they have a 30 x 40 foot kitchen in a mansion, with servants and cooks and bottle washers? And half a dozen 10 kilo turkeys??? confused

Double oven, 4 rings on top and a 2 ring plug in thing that comes out at Christmas/big dinners.

Everything prepped the night before. Turkey (1 turkey, 2 crowns) cooked, cooled & sliced the night before. Gravy made the night before.

Then on Christmas day it's just a case of doing the potatoes and veggies. Then the turkey is heated with the gravy.

We got a bain marie thing from B&M last year for £20 which helps keep everything warm.

It's a mental juggling act and for about 40 minutes just before everyone eats me, DH, MIL and DH's uncle say "never again", but it always works out in the end.

How the hell do you find all the crockery and cutlery and pots and pans? Or do your 'guests' bring their own?! Do you put on the ticket charging £30, 'must bring your own plates and cutlery?' Coz who the hell has enough plates and cutlery for 25-45 people?! ?!!!

They build up over the years. First year we did it we did it for 14. There's 9 of us live in our house anyway so we have a lot of plates. MIL and OMIL bring cutlery from their house as they are the two that live local. We hire glasses from the off license. We also use foil roasting tins for a few things. Every year I have to buy 4 or 5 serving spoons because fuck knows where they go during the year!

What about the seating? Where the hell do they all SIT? confused

We move our sofas back against the walls. There's 3 tables that go from livingroom to dining room (we've got one of those naff arch things where the rooms used to be separate) and the conservatory is on the dining room. so there's usually one table there. Used to be the 'kids table', but most of the kids are bigger now.

Chairs are first-come-first-served, again some come from MIL and OMIL, but you end up with a mish-mash of dining chairs, garden chairs and a couple of the kids are always on Ikea stools. It's a massive squash and you don't have much elbow room, but it's a laugh.

As I say though, there are 9 of us living here so when you add in-laws into the mix (2 sets as DH was widowed when we met and his in-laws are still very close to DH and DS, but I have no parents so it balances out) you are already at 20.

The only other person I know who has that many has a huge family and they hire the local community hall and have a takeaway there Christmas Eve and then cook Christmas dinner there on the day.

When we have hosted for 20+ people usually my mum would cook the turkey and bring it over all wrapped up, my sister would do the same with the ham. My aunts would bring starters and puddings leaving me just to do vegetables and potatoes.

Seating wise we do have quite a big dining table, but also had other tables that would be pushed together and everyone brought some chairs. All a bit of a squeeze, but good fun.

Fair play to her. I feel envious. I cook every year without fail. People put in requests, say they'll contribute but never actually do. For the past few years I've only provided prosecco as a toast and always have Bailey's on stand by.(Me and dh are not big drinkers so don't see why we should pay for it anymore) Other than that guests are instructed to bring what they want to drink. Still get people turning up empty handed who act surprised to see no booze.

Honestly I think it’s a great idea. My grandma has hosted Christmas Day for years, but she is incredibly wealthy and it’s a dip in the ocean where her finances are concerned. This year DP and I have offered to host as Grandma isn’t feeling up to it. Grandma has put huge pressure on us to not cut any corners, and honestly we’re wondering how we’re going to afford to cook for 16 people. I’m a vegan so in previous years I have always brought a nut roast, roasters cooked in veg oil, mixed veg and a vegan pudding which everyone has tucked into. It has always been expected that I bring my own food to accomodate my own dietary requirements, which is totally fine by me, but this year it has been stipulated that I must have turkey, roasters cooked in goose fat, pigs in blankets etc. I feel like asking people to bring their own food if they want to bring items that a) cost a lot more than potatoes and veg b) don’t fit with my own beliefs and c) won’t be consumed by me or my partner.

lala yes I've done the same. My maximum I've done was 19 and they all stayed the night! But the time was right, lots of teens bunking up altogether on the lounge floor, others on airbeds in conservatory or on the floor of bedrooms etc. My siblings always contribute lots and help.

I have to say though I'll never do it again, having done it a couple of times. I was absolutely exhausted. and the dynamic has changed as the teens have grown up and had their own children. Although my siblings are excellent at helping, it was just non stop and teens and even early 20's are notorious for being lazy arses. For a few years it was great fun but everything changes as families grow.

As for sitting, we did the same as you, main extending dining table seats 10 anyway when extended, then just added plastic outside tables covered in tablecloths. Chairs, I bought some cheap stacking ones and embarrassingly I have enough plates, wineglasses and cutlery for probably about 60 or more! It's one of my failings.

Love the idea that because
"i dont do it." "
"I dont have room."

" i cant figure out how to prep everything in advance and not be cooking from scratch xmas morning."
It cannot possibly happen with anyone else.

I couldn't do it in my small house with my crap kitchen but i know people who could do this easily in thiers.
Why accuse people of lying about something thats perfectly possible in the right house with the right prep?

It's also not beyond the realms of possibility that some people might genuinely have their kitchen set up for the one or two times a year where they do entertain 20+people, because they really enjoy it and like to be able to facilitate it.

"My turkey and ham alone will cost £100+

So as an estimate for 8 adults coming to me:
2 bottles Champagne - £60
Wine matched per course (7 bottles) - £105
Starter salmon and brown bread, accompaniments - £20
Turkey and ham - £120
Main side dishes - £30
Deserts - £12
Cheeseboard - £10
Christmas crackers - £12

And that's conservative. So I'm looking at £370 at least for just the main parts of the meal.

WTF, zigzag, I have never seen so much food and drink for Christmas!! I now feel like I come from the poorhouse

I don't have 7 bottles of wine but there are 11 of us and a number of bottles plus fizz will be consumed. Once I got a massive goose which was £85. The large turkey crown from Waitrose is a bit less. Then there is veg, starters, trimmings, sauces, dessert all made from scratch. Easily £250 anyway just for one meal.

I did it one year for 20 - never again!! Definitely possible, but stressful.

My gran did dinner for around 17 of us pretty much every year when I was growing up. No idea how she coped!

By the time you have maybe 3 sets of families + add ons (boyfriends/girlfriends) numbers easily grow! A bit like weddings...

Enwi either your grandmother should be sensible and cover your costs if she's insisting on all bells and whistles for Christmas dinner or send a text asking people to contribute, cheese, desserts, wine etc etc. I'd be happy to host for 20 something people as I'm quite comfortable financially but my DB often does Christmas for 20 odd people. I usually pull my dad to one side and tell him to bung my DB a good bit of money to help out

Our largest was 28. In a three bed end of terrace. We did have an extra oven (next door) and two tables. People sat on fold out chairs, nests of tables split up, stools.

It was great. We all chipped in though and did bits each, and everyone brought huge amounts of booze

If you can't afford to host guests then you don't invite them around. If they had manners they would be baring half the cost of the meal by bringing all the wine/champagne plus chocolates and other bits and pieces.

My family's Christmas dinners must be unusually frugal because £30 seems absolutely ridiculous to me. No way would I pay that.

I have cooked for 20 per people, it wasnt Christmas though. DH great grandparents family home and used as a holiday home by the descendants. Everyone could stay over though some had to sleep on camp beds and two pull out sofas in the sitting room.

Had an Aga and a regular cooker in kitchen so was totally fine.

*lala yes I've done the same. My maximum I've done was 19 and they all stayed the night! But the time was right, lots of teens bunking up altogether on the lounge floor, others on airbeds in conservatory or on the floor of bedrooms etc. My siblings always contribute lots and help.

I have to say though I'll never do it again, having done it a couple of times. I was absolutely exhausted. and the dynamic has changed as the teens have grown up and had their own children. Although my siblings are excellent at helping, it was just non stop and teens and even early 20's are notorious for being lazy arses. For a few years it was great fun but everything changes as families grow.

As for sitting, we did the same as you, main extending dining table seats 10 anyway when extended, then just added plastic outside tables covered in tablecloths. Chairs, I bought some cheap stacking ones and embarrassingly I have enough plates, wineglasses and cutlery for probably about 60 or more! It's one of my failings.*

I thought as the kids grew it would drift to nothing, but now the new partners and kids come as well so it got bigger! It's two down this year as we lost two lovely people this year.

I wouldn't do it if I had to do all the work tbh. DH and his uncle plan all the shopping and actually go out and buy what needs bought.

We have a takeaway on Christmas Eve when everyone starts to arrive then we split into two camps - one lot take all the various kids to the local panto and the other lot do the veg prep and set up the tables etc. It's my turn to do panto this year so I'm looking forward to it.

We have a bit of a houseful, but not as many as usual this year. FIL went into a care home earlier in the year due to dementia so MIL is coming to stay with us Christmas Eve and the bulk of the overnighters are piling into her house on camp beds, lilos and sofas.

I don't think Christmas would be Christmas without someone (usually one of the teens) realising that they are on 'the stool' - a stool that belonged to MIL's mother and really should have been confined to a skip years ago due to it's wobbliness!

We're quite lucky with the dishes because BIL is a very strange man who find washing up relaxing lol. He washes and the kids all dry/put away/sort.

Cost was part of the reason I stopped cooking chrostmas dinners at my in laws for 16 adults plus kids. They expected everything laid in front of them without a care of where it came from or how much it cost.the only person who did think about how much it cost was My husband's nanna and she would give us 40 quid My brother in law used cook the pork .....after we bought it!!and then he phoned me to tell me that this pork was weird it had no cooking instructions on the packet I remember one year I asked my father in law if he would pick up the veg on his way home from work (shop was next to his) he held his hand out for money I gave him 50 quid he came back and told me I owed him £3.55 i vowed that was the last year I'd do it and it was. Now everyone keeps suggesting we should do it again I just ask who's cooking if we do? They all look at me stupid.
I say fair fucks to that woman why should she cover the cost of everyone's christmas cause they don't want to help her out

If you can't afford to host guests then you don't invite them around

Indeed; big family christmases are only for rich people.

I’m sure my parents spend more than £30pp for Christmas day.

Champagne and canapés in morning

Free range turkey, vegetarian equivalent, pigs in blankets, stuffing, 8ish kinds of veg (she goes overboard with this). Red and white wine

Cheese board, biscuits

Christmas pudding, mince pies, gluten free pudding, brandy butter, brandy sauce, ice cream. Pudding wine.

Im looking forward to it so much! My parents can afford it but if they couldn’t of course I’d split the cost.

Also when we were younger my aunt would have 15 people over just with siblings and their children.