Woman charges family £30 per adult for Christmas dinner!

[Butterfr33]

There's a lady whose story is circulating online and has appeared on 'This Morning'. She charges the adults in her family £30 each for food and drinks for Christmas Day. This has caused a lot of outrage!

AIBU to agree with her? One person can't be expected to pay for 12+ people's food and drinks, of course the should contribute! In the past she's tried 'bring a dish' but people were unreliable and most would forget!

and that her grandparents in law always come as otherwise they would be on their own. This means that they have to subsidise other people with children so that they aren't lonely at Christmas. That's really mean.

Christmas spirit alive and well in this one...

Question? I haven't seen the original interview, but did she offer to host or was it simply thrust upon her and decided by the rest of the family?

I'll be honest I can't understand the minority of people on here who think its ok for her family to not provide any contribution at all which is what was happening. Its all very well saying its grabby etc but if you are expected to do it year in year out without so much as receiving a bag of peanuts in thanks and there doesn't seem to be any reciprocal invite charging is the next best thing.

We certainly don't charge family, but ours reciprocate with increasing generosity. That clearly isn't the case here.

Different people sort things in different ways and different families have different dynamics.

We don't generally all gather at Christmas there are too many of us now (eldest of 6 and when add partners, parents, rellies on own and children starts getting crazy numbers) but the one time we did we all paid for something to go on the table - one the turkey one the veg one the pud one the cake etc so not really alot different except you knew exactly what was being bought - and we had all offered to the brother hosting independently of each other - we all know its expensive hosting us all

I suspect it’s in the reporting. “Charge “ makes it sound like a commercial arrangement. “Let’s find a fair way to split costs “ is probably more like what actually happens.

I have no problem with it, although I would be wary re how much say the guest has in what gets bought - wouldn’t want to be subsidising the host’s personal taste for heaps of caviar on everything . I did actually sign a cheque once to my parents for several days in a cottage and food most of which I wouldn’t have chosen - they have always been completely inflexible on Xmas arrangements, and it was either go along with their choices or not spend Xmas with them. Another time, I went with DP to a part of his family he’ often visited for a few days. The arrangement was that he would pay/shop for a particular meal, that was as significant as Xmas dinner to them. He suggested I go halves on this as my contribution. I was initially fine with this; but it left a bit of sour taste when I realised 1) we were expected to get stuff entirely for our hosts’ tastes; and 2) our hosts were notorious massive wasters of food, and much of what we got would remain uneaten.

If it's always the same person doing Christmas then I think people should offer to contribute cash (if they're hard up) or take along drinks or other goodies. I think it's a bit cheeky to have a fixed charge. It's not exactly in the Christmas spirit. But whatever suits people I suppose.

I wouldn't charge. But the rule in our family is that if we have visitors, they are our visitors, i.e. the accommodation and the food is for free to them so that's how we do it.
I would also make sure I bring something to the family table should we have a big dinner, be it wine or dessert or something else.
This just sounds cheap.

We do this as I host every year due to having the space. I do all the shopping, setting up, cooking and we split the costs between the adults. There are usually between 6 and 9 adults and it costs about £20-24 per person, slightly cheaper pp when there is 9 of us. There are 4 kids usually.

This includes Xmas dinner, drinks, desserts, tea in the evening. It doesn't actually cover everything, I usually buy the crackers and a small favour type gift and loads of my booze gets drunk on top of what everyone else contributes to.

We originally used to ask people to bring a contribution but it ended up people bringing very little and the host paying for everything.

If I host an ad hoc party I would expect to provide everything buy Xmas day is held at mine for ease for everyone.

Oh and we don't do a fixed charge, just split what is purchased. We host way more throughout the year than anyone else and always pay for it all.

Sproglet hits the nail on the head. Charge sounds crass, let's all chip in towards costs sounds perfectly fine.

If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

Don't host.
Book a pub. It's far more diplomatic to have family pay their way if it's at a pub/restaurant. It's just gauche charging family for Christmas dinner. So tacky and cheap.

Some things you do for love. Hosting Christmas is one of these things.

If you've got people turning up empty handed on Christmas Day well that just says everything about the company that you keep - I don't know a single friend or family member who would accept an invitation to anything and then turn up with nothing! How fucking rude.

We do xmas at my parents house with my siblings and our partners/kids. I always do all the cooking though and order the shopping beforehand. There's just more space at my parents for all of us. All of us split the cost of the food and booze equally between couples and then maybe buy a few extra things ourselves. It's just fair that way or else it's a lot of cost for one person. I would charge per head though

If its all day food and drink that sounds very reasonable tbh. A crappy pub roast dinner rather like the ones you get at carvery would set you back £50 ph. These people are choosing to come to hers and pay. They don't have to. No she does not have to host, but I think she enjoys it, but does not want the piss being taken out.

Yes if you are fed up of being treated like a doormat at Christmas by people, then speak up and don't host next year, or charge like this woman has. Its difficult if you say bring a dish and a bottle, some people will take the piss and bring nothing, leaving you with nothing to feed guests.

"Don't host.
Book a pub. It's just gauche charging family for Christmas dinner. So tacky and cheap. "

So everyone pays £50+ for just one meal, instead of all day food and drink for £30?

As said, she isn't hosting, the family are gathering at hers.

It means that they all have a good day, instead of a rushed dinner and issues with taxis.

It isn't tacky and cheap if you are hard up, it's sensible.

I can't imagine charging - it's not exactly good manners. But her guests don't seem to mind.

We are hosting this year (20 in total) and I know guests will come laden with champagne, wine, port and cheese as they always do. This is more than enough of a contribution imo.

If we couldn't afford to feed 14 guests, we wouldn't invite them.

I wonder how much of the whining about this is also bound up in the idea that women exist to service others, for 'love', and that they should never expect any kind of reward.

It sounds entirely practical to me - family chip in for an expensive day because only one household have the space to accomodate everyone.

Mind you, that couple who wanted £150 contributions for their wedding: I thought that was OK as well because what was actually included in the cost was two nights' nice accomodation, all food and all drinks for a weekend - so a cheaper-than-usual minibreak with a wedding in the middle.

I think that for food and drink this is fine.

I spent a bit over £400 last year on 8 adults and 2 young children. The turkey was £80. Ham was £40. Everything else mounts up and that's before and drinks and extras.

I could afford it but wouldn't mind asking for help if I couldn't. I don't think "can't afford it, don't host" comes into it. I didn't see her on TV but assume she's the matriarch of the family and that she wants her family to come together.

Mind you, that couple who wanted £150 contributions for their wedding: I thought that was OK as well because what was actually included in the cost was two nights' nice accomodation, all food and all drinks for a weekend - so a cheaper-than-usual minibreak with a wedding in the middle.

The difference is that you can choose where to spend Christmas day. You can't choose where the wedding is held, or the dates, or the childcare situation, or the dress code etc. So you either go or your don't. It's more more pressure!

I would love to have that sort of arrangement. As it stands, we would really struggle to host Christmas at ours. It's a bit irrelevant anyway, because every year we're expected at PILs who host all their children/grandchildren. I always take something - bottle of fizz and something for dessert - but I know how expensive Christmas dinners are and I so wish that I could pay £50 towards it to alleviate the guilt of knowing that PILs are footing the cost for 7 adults and 4 children by themselves.

If we did Christmas day by ourselves, I'd be lucky if it only cost £50 by the time you get all the nice bits and some good booze in.

People saying "If you can't afford it don't host" - do you honestly think that poor people don't deserve to have a family Christmas because they can't afford to pay for everyone's food and drinks? Because that's the logical end point of what you're saying.

I don't get why 25-35 people on Christmas seems weird to anyone. I mean, we couldn't fit them in OUR house, but that's why we never host the year that the whole damn family comes (dh's aunt and uncle do as they live on a farm with a big old farmhouse kitchen). My dh comes from a family in his mum's generation of 5 children. 5 aunts and uncles and their partners alone is 10 people, plus a grandparents is a few more, then each of the 5 siblings has between 3 and 4 children each, so in our generation there are 18 cousins, plus their spouses, and now several of us have a kid or two. 10 aunts/uncles + 2 grandparents + 18 cousins + 18 partners of cousins + 6 small children is 54 people. And that's not even including my mum and stepdad or other extended family or the lonely elderly neighbour and there's always a few of those too. Of course, not everyone is able to come, but there's routinely about 35-45 people who do. Now there is no way you'd ever get me to host that many people, priced per head or not, but it's one of the few times, other than weddings or funerals that everyone gets together and we're all very spread out now and a few have moved overseas for work, etc. It would be more expensive to hire out a function room somewhere to all have dinner together and we make the most of those years when we all can get together and are grateful someone is willing to organise it and manage the budget and put us all up for the night in camp beds in the lounge and various random rooms (hell if I would be as generous as the stress of it all would kill me). I'm quite happy to pay for the privilege of not dealing with that hassle.

We always host because DH cooks. We don't 'charge' but thankfully haven't ever had to ask family to chip in as they're sensible enough to do it anyway. Last year dh's mum did the whip round and took twenty quid each off everyone. We also get all the alcohol btw.

Whilst we don't mind hosting, we can't afford (at that time of year!) to stand the costs of a full 3 course dinner, plus canapés, snacks and drinks, for an additional 8 people. I don't think it's weird to chip in for such a big meal.

She cant be expected to pay for 12 peoples food and drink. Thats the point tgough. Shes not being expected to, she offered to do so.
No one has said to her. Right, youre cooking christmas dinner for us all. You do not invite people around for Christmas dinner if you can't afford to feed them.

£30 off 12 people. That's what around £360. Seems very grabby to me

You can still see family at Christmas without hosting a big meal. You can visit family after the meal. If you can only afford to cater for your own immediate family then that's what you should do.
If you've got less money then you need to cut your cloth accordingly so while you may deserve a massive wedding, big party for your 30th or extended/family and friends over for Christmas dinner you might not be able to do it and charging people is tacky.
It would be different if the family suggested chipping in and having the meal at your place but you shouldn't invite someone to something if you can't cover the cost.

Yes, she could always not have everyone round. But someone still has to front the cost somewhere down the line. Where's the sense in, say, 3 households having separate Christmases at a cost of say £200 (by the time three lots of Turkey, trimmings, booze are bought) compared to sharing the load and paying less per household?

Again, I know I'd rather pay £50 for DH and I to go to PILs than have to buy all the stuff in myself.