Woman charges family £30 per adult for Christmas dinner!

[Butterfr33]

There's a lady whose story is circulating online and has appeared on 'This Morning'. She charges the adults in her family £30 each for food and drinks for Christmas Day. This has caused a lot of outrage!

AIBU to agree with her? One person can't be expected to pay for 12+ people's food and drinks, of course the should contribute! In the past she's tried 'bring a dish' but people were unreliable and most would forget!

I’m thinking of doing this next year. We have always hosted Christmas dinner and splashed out on ordering it in in the foil trays. Now retired and on a fixed income. Was going to “charge” £25 a couple. Daughter though it was ok.

I'd pay it happily if including booze.

I feel bad not contributing to family shindigs. I do have a smallish family though.

Happy Christmas to her, if she's reading! 🥂

Part of me says fair enough but honestly I suspect this approach could cause problems in so many families especially if it's an every year arrangement. Payment would blur the line for some between being a considerate guest who makes a contribution versus "I'm paying for this, I'm entitled to have a say in what we eat/ what time we eat/what brand of x is bought". Let's not pretend that wouldn't happen, just think about some of the AIBU threads you read .

Then you've got different views on what's "fair" so Alice who doesn't drink much and will only have 2 glasses of wine and a glass of Diet Coke may feel she's subsidising uncle bill and auntie maud who can get through 3 bottles of red between them plus multiple gin and tonics. After a few years of this set up Tom and Lucy, the vegetarians, might get to thinking the meat eaters are doing quite well out of the arrangement with their pate, Norfolk bronze turkey, ham, pigs in blankets and sausage meat stuffing while they get hosts hm nut roast that she really prides herself on but is actually quite dry and bland ! It would be like the most divisive Splitting The Bill thread we've ever had on here x 1000.

Then you've got mil who lives locally and minds your dc two days a week saving you on childcare costs, divorced DM who isn't well off but insists on giving you the money for their school shoes every September to help out at what can be an expensive time, you might start to think should you really be charging them for spending Christmas Day with you all? So maybe you decide you won't charge the grans but ffs don't let BIL and SIL find out, you know what those two are like, except Mil let's it out on the day cos she's a bit squiify and that pair start huffing and glaring all around them fully convinced that they've pretty much paid for everyone's Christmas and you're all no better than thieves!

Ah Christmas, it's all about Faaaaahmly...

Every year we host and even if I say so my self it's always a fantastic meal. Dread to think of the total cost but to a certain extent I do enjoy the planning thinking of different fish course an unusual soup to make etc. BUT I do get rather pissed off, when I spend much of Xmas eve prepping, then most of the actual day in the kitchen. Over the years all these offers of we will bring never materialise you just can't trust them. Last year they forgot to pick up the wine, year before the crackers and so on this has been going on for years. I learnt quickly not to rely on them and get everything rather than miss out.
They even put requests for past courses I have done, SIL usually request to take some turkey home. She never offers a financial contribution either, although one year she did bring 1 bottle of presseco, I will at some point say on Christmas day night I'm not doing that again but know full well it will be the same again year on year. So yes I can understand why this lady charges, I know £30 per head wouldn't cover our Christmas day food and drink.
Hollow offers usually start around October of you could come to us, followed by don't know where you would sit and our oven is very small. To eventually your house is far better suited shall we just have it at yours again.

HA! 30£ is a bargain. My daughter hosted last year and I reckon it cost me getting close to a couple of hundred quid picking up the bits and bobs that she'd forgotten. Thank heavens for my prime now account last Christmas eve.

Let's see what this year's dinner costs.
I might take myself somewhere warm and sunny next year

Our family does the same but we don't see it as being charged, we see it as chipping in. I would never expect family to cover my costs and as long as no one's making a profit from it, I don't see a problem.

I would never dream of inviting people to share a meal at my home then charge them for it. I understand it is expensive to host and if I were a guest I would offer to contribute and at least bring a contribution (dessert, cheese for the board, wine for example) and as a host would appreciate the gesture if someone brought a bottle. If you take turns that's one thing but if you are always the host, I suppose that is expensive but then no one is forcing you to host. If you don't want guests, don't invite any.

But it's not charging a fee is it?
It is surely just a family splitting the costs of a shared meal, which is then eaten at one familiy's house because its the biggest.

Can't see anything wrong with that. Full Christmas meal, drinks, breakfast and snacks would cost about than that if all bought from supermarkets. If she's not rolling in money it's not fair for her to foot the whole bill.

I guess it depends on the quality of food & drink plus whether it's solely Christmas dinner & pudding.

I hate the people who say post on here no one helps me catering for the 5000. But through the day people have said do you need a hand and they say no.

Say the son is coeliac the stuffing, bread sauce, gravy, a few other bits would have to be GF. But I'd be inclined to do a smaller portion of that for him. Unless any of the guests have needs.

My ex MIL would do Dinner & pudding, then an almighty feast for the evening. I think she went through it all again with a separate joint on Boxing Day. There was never any question of paying.

If everyone takes their fair turn in hosting, or brings something, or helps in any way, then - no charge. However, if anyone's household is like ours, I would love to make a charge. Parents-in-Law have come to us (or the siblings) in rotation, for 30 years that I can remember. They will always announce: "Whose turn is it to have us this year"? So they've never actually been invited, they always invite themselves. If they bring anything at all, it will be a bottle of Liebfraumilch with a very stained label, as they've won it in a raffle and it has already done the raffle round several times over. Last time they came, they did bring a small cheese board selection. FiL got tired towards the evening, so they decided to go home early. Fair enough. But they took their cheese home with them, as of course, they hadn't had any of it .

Now, bearing in mind, 30 years ago, they were the same age then as we are now, and we have NEVER been invited to theirs for Christmas or Boxing Day, they NEVER have helped with any preparation or clearing up, they have been waited on hand, foot and finger, I feel I would have loved to have charged them. £30 would be an absolute bargain, bearing in mind the delicious lunch, plus all the drinks, chocolates and extra snacks, evening supper, plus all the work that goes into planning and preparing.

If everyone pitches in, one way or another, then it's even Stevens. If the onus is on one person constantly, year after year, then that is just not fair, and makes for a totally different story altogether.

Evans that is absolutely appalling. When my siblings and families turn up for Christmas, it takes 10 minutes to get in the house all the stuff they've bought.... bottles of wine, a pudding, a dip and crisps and a box of chocolates, home made fudge, a cake and similar stuff to that. Then another sibling will bring salads and a pud for the evening.

Have to say... if no one brought anything and didn't help enormously on the day, I would not be doing Christmas.

When I was growing up we had Christmas Day at one house, a repeat performance at another house on Boxing Day then New Years Day do it all again at another house. Everyone got a turkey from work so they needed eating.

My Bil and Sil seemed to host most years as they had the space to host nearly 20 people (including children). Whilst they’ve never asked us for money we’ve always discreetly given them money. A few years ago they hosted 2 massive days. One for her family and one for his. Both days upto 17-20 people. On the day they hosted us we gave them £100 (2 adults) along with taking wine/cheese etc. I’ve no doubt others just blissfully didn’t contribute and wouldn’t have given it another thought but this couple seem to be landed with the hosting every year because they’ve got a house big enough. We’re in a position now where we could host but we live 200 miles away and most coming to us would need to book accommodation which would make it costly for the couple who end up hosting as they’ve got 3 children. I think it’s a reasonable thing for the lady to do to be honest.

My parents host and we (me and sisters) give £25 per adult. My main concern is that they are not out of pocket so I make sure to check each year. It's astounding to me that some people think it's OK for one person/couple to carry the financial burden for a whole extended family.

I'm hosting for 8 this year and the food/drink costs for Christmas Day is coming in at £170. After reading this thread, I've decided not to splurge on a Kelly Bronze turkey in order to economise and save £30! (buying a more reasonably priced free range bronze turkey instead).

Family are actually arriving in time for lunch on Christmas Eve and staying through until the 27th so my total food/drink costs for those 3/4 days are totalling £350. I haven't asked anyone to contribute but no-one has offered to bring anything either so we'll see what happens on the day. For past Christmases, we've always turned up with a case of expensive wine/champagne and stayed for 1/2 nights only.

Having cooked for up to19 family ( mainly husbands family) members on a number of occasions I know all enjoy the opportunity to meet and share and enjoy Christmas together, and it's good if you have the space and the basic cooking ability to provide that venue. I also know it is bloody hard work! I can remember hearing the enjoyment of all in another room as I was working to get every thing together in the kitchen. I would've enjoyed it more if I was also making a profit from my efforts!

I use to always pay for everything. For about 12... I was not well off in the slighest (£1 in the bank the day before pay day type)
My circemstances changed. Now we ask everyone for £50 but that covers Christmas eve - Boxing day. But not booze. They want that, they bring it.

Agree!!!
But it's not charging a fee is it?
It is surely just a family splitting the costs of a shared meal, which is then eaten at one familiy's house because its the biggest.

This is what we do now

I'm a bit sick of reading 'if you can't afford it, don't host.' What it means is large family gatherings aren't for you poor people.

Yes, because Christmas isn't about spending time with family. It's about showing how much money you have to spend. Fuck. That.

Yet another "poor people fuck off and have a miserable Christmas alone, your filthy peasants. If you don't have hundreds of pounds to spend on food then you don't deserve any fun" WTF is wrong with you?

All of these... ^

Some of the posts I have read on here have ranged from laughable and pathetic, to plain fucking rude and nasty.

From the posts claiming 'we have champagne and canapes for breakfast (PMSL!)' and '10 types of cheese on the cheese board for starters,' and 'smoked salmon, bagels, and cinnamon rolls for a snack!' Right through to 'if you can't afford a 7 course meal for 50 people that runs into 4 figures in total, you're a poor cunt' type posts.

Fucking nasty. Just nasty.

Some of the posts on here are off-the-scale unbelievable, and I stand by what I said earlier, that I don't know ANYone is real life who hosts such a Christmas day as some people on here are claiming THEY do.

It's a bit sad that some people feel this need to have a massive showy expensive 4-figure Christmas dinner, but I guess it's coz they only see their 'family' at Christmas. Our whole extended family (on both sides,) see each other all year round, so don't feel the need to prove anything on Christmas day, and just spend an hour or 2 together, and then do our own thing/have dinner at our own homes with our own immediate family.

It's fine because we all live within 10 miles of each other and see each other once or twice a week all year round ... If you only see your family once a year, I guess you will feel the need to over-compensate..

We don’t have champagne and canapés for breakfast. That would be weird. I have toast. Champagne and canapés are pre-lunch.

Different people do things differently. It really doesn’t matter how they do it.

I am sure the ‘I would never expect guests to pay in my house ‘ people feel they are the ultimate hospitable hosts, but what you are also saying is “no way would I chip in for an event at someone else’s house”.

Sharing the cost is about mucking in together. Making sure that one person doesn’t end up in debt, not taking our family for granted. Sometimes this creates greater togetherness, shared hospitality, than one ‘perfect’ host.

As a Pp said , a turkey can cost £80. Before you start on everything else. And without even veering into champagne and canapés for breakfast. It is serious, serious money for a biggish gathering.

I think the bottom line for me is... please yes do contribute in the way of making a pud, bringing bottles of wine etc but I could not bear for money to change hands. For me (and this is just me) to charge people would just be weird.

BUT my siblings bring lots and lots of stuff when they come here and it really helps so I never feel resentful

I’d need financial help from the rest of the family to provide Christmas dinner for that many. Everyone comes to mine for Xmas as my house is more suitable and we all pay in towards it. They wouldn’t get much on budget alone lol.

I hosted last year for our family of 10 adults, it easily cost my DH and I over £300 land that's taking in to account some people brought their own booze to too up what we had bought).

We really didn't mind spending that as we don't do it every year and enjoyed doing it but if we did it each year we would probably ask people to contribute more than just a bottle of booze.