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AIBU?

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Original poster

Woman charges family £30 per adult for Christmas dinner!

310 replies

Butterfr33 · 30/11/2017 07:55

There's a lady whose story is circulating online and has appeared on 'This Morning'. She charges the adults in her family £30 each for food and drinks for Christmas Day. This has caused a lot of outrage!

AIBU to agree with her? One person can't be expected to pay for 12+ people's food and drinks, of course the should contribute! In the past she's tried 'bring a dish' but people were unreliable and most would forget!

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 30/11/2017 18:24

My inlaws couldn’t realistically afford to cater for everyone without donations. It would have been more comfortable, easier, a nicer meal and more relaxed if everyone came to us but ... they wanted to continue to hold it squashed into their small house. It seemed churlish not to enable them to do it for a few more years whilst they were still able - and sending a cheque beforehand meant they had the pleasure of shopping without the worry of paying. It made them happy until they reached a point where they simply couldn’t manage any more and asked us to take over. Isn’t Christmas about making others happy?

BuzzKillington · 30/11/2017 18:33

dangermouse7

In answer to your question, my husband does it all. I am rather useless and don't get involved, although I dress the table and this year am making a croquembouche for pud.

I wouldn't know where to start. He preps some of it the day before. We have a big range cooker. He enjoys it, but it does look like hard work and he's usually quite red in the face by the time it's ready Grin

We just about manage to get them all around the kitchen table, but it is cosy. We have long benches, so that makes it easier for 'shoving up'.

We have enough chargers, plates and stemware, but normally not enough cutlery so MiL brings her big canteen. This year, I have finally bought another 2 44 piece sets (from Steamer Trading bargain) so will have enough for the first time.

Willow2017 · 30/11/2017 18:34

Daily
Its not just xmas dinner though. Its breakfast, full xmas dinner and all day snacks and booze and drinks for all the adults and thier kids. Will cost the mum a lot for all those families and gps

PramWanker · 30/11/2017 18:54

All the people saying she should just get them to each bring something instead is getting a bit cheque cancelly.

goose1964 · 30/11/2017 19:27

I think it depends how it's done, do they say we'll all put £30 in the kitty and X says I'll host or if she says if you come to us it will be £30 per adult

Lilliepixie · 30/11/2017 19:33

Lalalyra-yep that sounds about right.

My mum has a small kitchen, and had always managed, we'll get my brother to bring his fold up garden chairs, and we used a garden table a couple of times, couches get moved
There's a lot of caterers in our family so that helps!

CharlieSierra · 30/11/2017 21:25

I don't know why some people find the numbers unbelievable. This year I'm doing Christmas for my family of 8 adults and two children my sister's family of 10 adults and four children, my Dad and his partner. My sister and I will split the cost and my Dad will probably bung us a contribution. I honestly can't see what's wrong with splitting the cost so we can all be together, it will cost a bomb when you factor in good quality food and all the booze. I see myself more as a facilitator than a host in this situation anyway, it's just at my house because I've got the most room.

ReanimatedSGB · 01/12/2017 00:21

Also, as usual, among the whiners are those who are comfortably-ish off themselves and haven't got a clue how much poorer many people are this year (between Brexit/austerity/stagnant wages/stupid house prices). And most people whose families split the costs or pre-arrange who's bringing what are happy to do it that way because they can actually get their heads round the idea of it being fairer.

(Also, you can feed 30 odd people in a reasonably average sized house with a regular kitchen. My team have a team dinner every year, cooked by the DP of the team's founder. We all pay our share of the food and drink...)

JonSnowsWife · 01/12/2017 00:42

if she's catering for 12 adults then there had better be some pretty special stuff for £30!

No. Same bog standard stuff. Theres a certain establishment near here that pulls off a similar spread for less than this all year around and then suddenly ups the prices before Christmas. Just renames the food. I.e the £2 vanilla ice cream dish suddenly becomes 'snow mountain' for a fiver on a Christmas menu Hmm

I think she's being unreasonable because she's not obligated to do it. I wouldn't dream of charging my parents/in laws.

My Dad is from a very large family and once all us cousins came along it was even larger. The only thing we were ever expected to contribute to was the washing up and tidying up after. Smile

InLoveWithLizML · 01/12/2017 00:47

For £30 PP I would want the best food and drinks ever.

InLoveWithLizML · 01/12/2017 00:48

At a guess she's also charging for hosting & cooking?

JonSnowsWife · 01/12/2017 00:53

I have major issues with her charging the parents/ in laws whoever they were.

She mentioned it's okay because the money comes out of their November money so is accounted for.

Bet they've helped her out financially in the past and never expected it back.

If you cant afford to have the whole family over. Then let someone else do it. Dont start charging and acting like you're doing a charitable thing. You're not.

A charitable thing would be having your sleeves rolled up helping out in a soup kitchen in bollock freezing temperatures. Not charging your nearest and dearest for food you were never obliged to provide in the first instance.

Be3Al2Si6O18 · 01/12/2017 04:33

This is a total non-story!

One person is organising Christmas and asking others for a contribution towards costs. Nothing more. She's not running a hotel for heavens sake!!

People get sucked into so much fake news these days. Confused

JonSnowsWife · 01/12/2017 06:07

asking others for a contribution towards costs.

No she isn't. That amount covers the cost.

TheHolidayArmadillo · 01/12/2017 07:17

jonsnowswife

But why is it expected that one family should pick up the full bill for almost £400 rather than each family splitting the cost so it’s far cheaper than celebrating separately? The money still gets spent, but one family having to find an extra £340 makes it better? Nuts.

Willow2017 · 01/12/2017 08:49

Seems a lot of people seem to think cooking breakfast and xmas dinner for 12 extra people is something she should be grateful for! Also providing all the booze for said adults and juice for kids plus snacks all day.

She has asked her kids to bring something to contribute but they conveniently 'forget' and leave her rushing around to replace it at the last minute. They sound pretty selfish to me. It seems like they enjoy having xmas catered for them every year without having to fork out a penny. If i was her i would be pretty fed up with it all by now too. Why should she pay for it all every flipping year? They are adults and are well aware of the cost of food and booze just dont want to acknowledge it.

I wouldnt dream of going to someones house for xmas without taking stuff to eat and drink. Its basic manners.

tampinfuminragin · 01/12/2017 08:59

I have a massive family. I pay for everything apart from desserts. (Family offer to bring a dessert each)

I wouldn't dream of asking for payment!

InLoveWithLizML · 01/12/2017 08:59

The woman said 'bla bla my son has allergies so I need to cook!' For £30 I'd want to be fed like a King, I'd be miffed if ok the child could eat the dinner, but from my £30 there was special food left over. I think 6 of the people eating are her & her DC's plus OH.

So £180 is more than going to cover the meal, drinks, snacks. So she's getting a dinner where her main input is cooking it, which she says she wants to do anyway.

MeAndMyElephant · 01/12/2017 09:13

TBH, the cost is the least of my problems on Xmas day. My guests do contribute towards food.
But last year I had 18 people for dinner (my turn -fair enough) but none of the guests lifted a damn finger to help. I was on my feet for 8 hours. I had DPs, PILs, Bro/sis/SIL and families round but they all sat in the front room, eating, drinking, chatting. They didn't even wait for me to come out of the kitchen to do presents - by the time I made into the font room most of the gifts been handed out. I didn't even get to give my own gifts coz they'd got stuck into those too.
And guess what? They want to do Xmas at my house again this year. Sad Sad We will have even more people this year and ours is the only one which can seat that many. I'm dreading it. It will be a miserable day for me.

LadyinCement · 01/12/2017 09:19

For every family hosting and paying, there are other people who are not but are happy to turn up and eat, drink and be merry. And if it happens every year then it is going to begin to grate on the host, unless you are particularly flush.

If I went to someone's house every Christmas I would feel embarrassed if I failed ever to make any kind of contribution. However, clearly plenty of people feel quite entitled (looking at you, pil) so I suppose there comes a point where you have to be blunt and suggest a bit of help.

TheHolidayArmadillo · 01/12/2017 10:02

It's also food for the whole day. How many threads have we seen on here where people talk about the special breakfasts etc that they'll have in addition to their Christmas dinner. Smoked salmon, bagels, cinnamon rolls etc for 12 adds up.

OutComeTheWolves · 01/12/2017 10:28

I'm a bit sick of reading 'if you can't afford it, don't host.'

What it means is large family gatherings aren't for you poor people.

Etiquette over enjoyment ladies at all times! Hmm

Gillyruth · 01/12/2017 11:13

Well, personally that defeats the point of Christmas for me if people have to pay for their meals. Let the meal be her one & only gift to everyone she invites. Or ask people to bring a starter, dessert or drink along. Or don't invite people in the first place. If you can't offer generous hospitality, don't bother offering at all!

TheHolidayArmadillo · 01/12/2017 11:24

If you can't offer generous hospitality, don't bother offering at all!

Yes, because Christmas isn't about spending time with family. It's about showing how much money you have to spend.

Fuck. That.

Barbaro · 01/12/2017 11:25

I'd pay it so I didn't have to cook. Don't see what's wrong with it.