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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman charges family £30 per adult for Christmas dinner!

310 replies

Butterfr33 · 30/11/2017 07:55

There's a lady whose story is circulating online and has appeared on 'This Morning'. She charges the adults in her family £30 each for food and drinks for Christmas Day. This has caused a lot of outrage!

AIBU to agree with her? One person can't be expected to pay for 12+ people's food and drinks, of course the should contribute! In the past she's tried 'bring a dish' but people were unreliable and most would forget!

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 01/12/2017 11:31

Thing is a well off familycan afford to buy a small turkey for 4 people, such a turkey probably feeds 8, so it’s not a problem to invite another 4 people to dinner (and Same goes for a lot of other things at xmas dinner)
Box of 12 crackers will need to be bought whether 2 or 12 people cooking to dinner and so on

Pensioners and people who are just scraping by will not be able to spend that money one meal so thier choice is to just go without according to a lot of mumsnet? Surely it’s better that they club together with family members and have a lovely festive Christmas meal surrounded by family and friends.

JonSnowsWife · 01/12/2017 13:28

But why is it expected that one family should pick up the full bill for almost £400 rather than each family splitting the cost so it’s far cheaper than celebrating separately?

@TheHolidayArmidillo it is not being 'expected', to suggest it is expected implies that there is an obligation for her to provide this food.

There is none whatsoever.

She chooses to do it.

JingsMahBucket · 01/12/2017 13:38

@lalalalyra your family does it very fairly and sounds lovely.

tinysparklyshoes · 01/12/2017 13:54

If you can't offer generous hospitality, don't bother offering at all!

Yet another "poor people fuck off and have a miserable christmas alone, your filthy peasants. If you don't have hundreds of pounds to spend on food then you don't deserve any fun"

WTF is wrong with you?

MrsLorimerlives · 01/12/2017 15:34

I like the idea but would never get away with it!
we now host the family lunch of between 8 and 12 people and a couple of small contributions are made (box of chocs, prepped sprouts or a bottle of wine) but it leaves the bulk of the food and drink purchasing down to us. Its a lot of money out of our budget, we get criticism if we vary from the normal menu that we inherited when my (considerably wealthier) parents gave up hosting too.
So very tempted to not host one year and see what they do, it would make for a painful few days and then probably peace for a couple of months.... hmmm I may be going to look at some flights...

InLoveWithLizML · 01/12/2017 15:53

MeAndMyElephant - this year put your foot down, you need 2 or 3 volunteers in the kitchen, even if they have menial jobs to do it should save your sanity.

Jasminedes · 01/12/2017 16:01

Every fucker seems to want to come to my house every year. She is probably hoping they WILL take offence and make other plans. Or has come to the decision that she can come to terms with graciously hosting every year on these terms.

OVienna · 01/12/2017 17:33

MeAndMyElephant Please refuse this request.

Toysintheattic29 · 01/12/2017 18:02

Sounds as if the rest of the family should get off their butts and take it in turns or Mama should suggest they bring the booze. HOWEVER, since all that seems to have failed, I most certainly don't blame her for charging them

lalalalyra · 01/12/2017 18:12

MeAndMyElephant Get delegating - no way should you be doing it all on your own!!

I've found until people actually do a bit of it they just don't realise how much is involved.

At the very, very, very, very minimum you must delegate the washing up. And be very vocal that presents don't start until everything is finish.

Don't let them take the piss!

Mumto2two · 01/12/2017 18:19

I always end up hosting...in fact this year, I am hosting three separate Xmas dinners, to accommodate both families, and juggling those who can't make one or the other. Otherwise, we wouldn't be getting together at all. And having noticed this morn that my unfinished Ocado Xmas basket was currently totalling nearly 400pds..my daughter retorted that people should be chipping in! So it's probably not a bad idea after all!

noeffingidea · 01/12/2017 18:31

Its fine if everyone in the family can afford it and wants to eat that kind and amount of food. Personally I wouldn't, but I guess I would still want to see my family so I might feel I was being a bit overcharged.
It's really up to the family though, some families would spend no where near that amount on christmas food but if it's normal for them then fair enough.

Smudge100 · 01/12/2017 19:04

My sister always does Christmas dinner and if you went to a restaurant and got what she serves up, you’d think £30 was a steal. Plus she has all the shopping, prep, cooking etc. I’d happily pay £30 towards it. Why should people be exploited just in the name of a religious festival?

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 01/12/2017 19:19

This whole thread puts me off Christmas. Such a stress

Dianag111 · 01/12/2017 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisnotreallymyname · 01/12/2017 19:29

There will be 14 of us sitting down to dinner at my daughter's.
I am buying / cooking the turkey, my silk is cooking a ham and taking it.
So DD will provide veg, puds etc.
We'll all take booze.
It's only fair, can you imagine how much it would cost her otherwise.
BTW - we offered food, she didn't have to ask.

turbohamster · 01/12/2017 19:39

I actually find a Christmas dinner one of the cheapest and easiest meals you can make for a load of people. It scales up quite easily compared to other dishes.

There's no way we spend anything like £30 per person and we still have enough leftovers for an entire meal the next day so I'd object to paying £30 to 'cover costs'

Gingersstuff · 01/12/2017 19:44

I wouldn't charge money but we've hosted for the last few years (as we have animals, it's easier) and there's no way we could afford to do a lavish Xmas dinner without any contributions, so we all just agree amongst ourselves who's bringing what or ask people to bring such-and-such. It's all very amicable and everyone is happy to contribute. It's usually a dessert or a starter and maybe a bottle for the table, nothing major. For instance this year my mum and her partner are bringing a main as they are newly vegan and while we'll have plenty of veggie stuff I was struggling to think vegan...so I've just asked her to bring a vegan main course. She's very happy with that. Everything else is provided and we always have a free range Kelly Bronze turkey which runs to something like 80 quid alone, so I don't think it's unreasonable for guests to contribute either food/drink or money, especially at a time of year that can be very difficult financially anyway for many people.

DivisionBelle · 01/12/2017 19:46

One member of my family always hosts because they have the space and a convenient location.

I wouldn’t dream of expecting anyone else to always pay for my family’s Xmas dinner. It is massively expensive. We siblings share the cost. The host doesn’t ‘charge’ us, we chip in our fair share.

PurplePenguins · 01/12/2017 19:54

Fair in my book. She has tried everything else. We all go round my mum and dad's for Christmas. We are now four families in one if that makes sense 😁. My mum and dad. My baby sister is on her own. My little sister, her husband and their 3 kids and me with my 4 kids. We put money in a week from January. Mum and I save up my Tesco points and whatever is left we split between us. It's too much for my parents to pay for it all.

Ginburee · 01/12/2017 20:39

Interesting, we have always hosted in law's and not asked for anything. Elderly mil always brings home stuffing and cranberry sauce and SIL brings nice wine and champagne.
None of the buggers lift a finger and let me do everything else but hey ho.
And we don't have a dishwasher.

oldmums · 01/12/2017 21:46

we have 10 Adults (and 2 children), they all offer to bring starters or desert or turkey, or other meat, We cook it here and do all the trimmings, and provide the drinks. also they all take a doggy bag away with them for Boxing day . works well for our family and everyone feels that they have done there bit (husband washes up of course)

manicmij · 01/12/2017 22:46

If I had to ask for monetary contribution as the requests to bring something didnt work I would be hosting anything. Leave them to it to fend for themselves.

melj1213 · 01/12/2017 23:11

My mum always hosts Christmas and everyone always chips in ... she is more than happy to pay but we all say it's not fair on her to pay just because she hosts (even if she wants to host every year).

Everyone contributes either some money towards stuff or is responsible for something specific - eg I work for a supermarket so I am always the one tasked with getting the last minute bits and bobs in the week before, my uncle always brings the wine, my aunt is the one who picks up and pays for the turkey, then my other uncle and my sister love cooking so they work with my mum to do the cooking, all the older kids are expected to help ferry the food to and from the dining room from the kitchen, other people clear up and deal with the dishwasher and washing up etcetc

My mum hosts every year because she enjoys it and because she has the biggest house, also me and my siblings are the oldest of my cousins and we're all adults whereas everyone else has kids in the house so they're the only ones who have a child free house to prepare/clear up before/after, that doesn't mean she is responsible for paying for it all. It's also a practical thing ... she has a lot of space for everyone to spread out - by mid-afternoon all of the kids are usually in the den or living room while all the adults are in "the good front room" (every respectable Irish mammy has a good front room) and her kitchen is huge, she has a huge range cooker etc so you can easily have three or four people cooking in there without being on top of each other.

MistressDeeCee · 02/12/2017 01:03

I don't think I could eat £30 worth of food. I'd have a couple of drinks max. If someone wanted to charge me £30 to have dinner at their house I just wouldn't go. I don't mind bringing a dish but that's all. I can cook at home + get a bottle of wine in so, no biggie I wouldn't care at all