To think some women are smug about not having dessert?

[Tobythecat]

It seems to be mainly the older women, but I've noticed that a few of the social groups that I go to (there are a lot of older women there) seem horrified when asked to pick their three course lunch for Christmas at a local restaurant. They are fine with starters, but a lot of them say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone. The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal

I don't know if it's because women are supposed to be seen as dainty and ladylike and not have big appetites, but it just comes across as so smug.

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

Missoni I don't think you really understand the realities of how the body responds to calories, and especially to hormones. Why do you think hypothyroidism and PCOS cause weight gain? Just a coincidence?

I've been on very extreme hormone treatments - one made me lose 4 stone, another made me put on more than 3 stone, with absolutely no change to my diet or activity levels.

Again.

Medical condition.

Thanks chrys but it's like waging a battle against the rising tide here! So many women so determined to tell everyone that they can't eat three courses...

Missoni- starting weight 16st 10, now at 14st 6, and I want to be at 12st 10

Chrys- limited weight training, I had spinal surgery 6 months ago!

I wouldn't have dessert and would probably sound judgy too, I wouldn't be but would be saying I couldn't manage it either.
I'm also not skinny, am 51 and would barely manage a starter before my main.

I never have desert!

But if I say don't want a dessert because I can't fit it in op decides on my "tone" and may judge me smug anyway! I think it's about taking things too personally - live and let (the possibly smug and judgy but hey who really knows?) live.

I don't really like puddings but cheese and biscuits yes bring it on

You said it wasn't scientifically possible. And my weight changes aren't the result of a health condition - they're a result of changes in my hormone levels, which normal women go through throughout their life and which are definitely not defined as an illness.

You're just projecting, OP. Unless portions are quite small, which is rarely the case in restaurants I go to, I can't eat three courses. Not because I am smug or judgy, but because I don't want to feel like a balloon about to burst.

Sharing a starter and a pudding with my DP is a good solution for us!

Having seen some of the posts on here on the ‘what have you eaten today’ thread, I think there is a fair amount of that attitude on here too. Wouldn’t say I’m very greedy but I would be starving if my diet was as restricted as many of the posters .

so...its scientifically impossible unless it happens...which we will negate by saying its a medical condition?

You do know that medical conditions are things that happen to actual people?

Possibly many people....so saying things can't happen because if they did it would be a medical condition is super dense.

Missihoni

Of course it's 'scientifically possible'

You think I can't count? Or you don't want to take the fact I'm nearly 50 and 5foot tall into account?

I'm not sure you understand hormones

If feel like a glutton for eating dessert, don’t project that insecurity on other women.

I’m overweight. I don’t eat dessert, I don’t really like them. In fact often even a 2 course meal is too much for me in one sitting. I am a grazer and eat little and too often. I am not smug about only having one course, it’s because that’s all I want to eat. How would you feel if every time you sat down and asked for three courses, someone accused you of being a greedy mare? Or would you rather people just left you alone and didn’t judge. Every occur to you the overweight lady was refusing dessert because people like you would judge her for it?

Margaret, I think what people might be trying to point out is that whether or not someone is 'being a twat about pudding' is often very much in the eye of the beholder, who often bring their own prejudices to the table. By all means shout at everyone as much as you like, but personally I take the OP's "really judgy tone" with a massive pinch of salt. The people in my social circle who seem to make a big deal about pudding when we're out or mostly appear to have longstanding difficult relationships with food, rather than being massive abstinent show-offs.

When some people get like that it just makes me want to have the biggest dessert there. Even if i don't even want a dessert, which tbh is often the case - though id actually rather have a few small dishes that 2 or 3 large ones. I like taster menus and meals like tapas for that.

No issue with people not wanting a dessert but there are definitely some who use it to make a judgment of others.

Yanbu. In my experience this is a thing. "I'm too dainty for dessert, I couldn't possibly manage a dessert". Ofcourse some folk are stuffed, other folk are virtue signalling their eating behaviours. Along with the girls who didn't want to appear too clever to boys at school, I hope the young teams growing up have ditched that chronic behaviour.

What a nasty judge thread.

I can’t eat a starter, main and pud. I would feel sick. My business not yours.

Sounds like you are justifying your eating habits by judging others.

You eat up and allow others to do as they choose.

Your height has nothing to do with it.

The fact your unaware that menopause and hormone imbalances are classed as medical conditions could be a problem

You've got a point. My DH and I used to forego the starter and choose a main and a pudding but we were in a minority. Our companions are the opposite, they'd prefer a starter and just the main.

I'm going out for lunch tomorrow and I know in advance that I'll be the only one who really, really wants a pudding but I'll go without as I need to lose weight.

Can you really not imagine why some people might not want a dessert and express that comment? You feel entitled to say that you want a dessert... Who cares?

Eat what you want but your comment about a woman being 20 stone and therefore implying that it's incredible that she wouldn't want one is off.

I wouldn't eat with you. Not because I don't personally like desserts because I'd happily order another starter or cheese and biscuits or just coffee... but I can't stand judgemental twats.

Think it depends how people say it. I rarely eat puddings and almost never after two courses but I also don't wang on about it.

I do know people who make a big deal about competitive under-eating, how they have the appetite of a bird and that's why they're so slim flutters eyelashes because really, who can eat a whole starter, half of one is more than enough, but it can be so hard to find size 6 on the high street etc etc. Twats. Also toying with a starter because they've done a load of coke before dinner- also twats.

Oops - have just had this conversation over our Christmas meal. Hopefully I haven't been smug though.

We have had to choose 3 courses and my colleague has picked my pudding as I simply would not eat one and she's going to have 2! I might just squeeze it in - but I just don't like them and always feel fuller than full after 2 courses.

And actually while on the subject I get lots of negative comments about being a size 8! So ‘ you vomiting that up later’ or ‘omg you eating chips’ blah blah blah.

I never ever comment on anyone’s weight or eating habits be they fat or thin and it fucks me off that it’s deened rude to criticise the over weight, and it is, but it’s fine to tease skinny people. Just keep your remarks to yourself.

so...its scientifically impossible unless it happens...which we will negate by saying its a medical condition?

You do know that medical conditions are things that happen to actual people?

Possibly many people....so saying things can't happen because if they did it would be a medical condition is super dense.

I don't even know which thread you read to reach this interpretation

odd.