To think some women are smug about not having dessert?

[Tobythecat]

It seems to be mainly the older women, but I've noticed that a few of the social groups that I go to (there are a lot of older women there) seem horrified when asked to pick their three course lunch for Christmas at a local restaurant. They are fine with starters, but a lot of them say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone. The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal

I don't know if it's because women are supposed to be seen as dainty and ladylike and not have big appetites, but it just comes across as so smug.

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

Hmm well I heard an extremely disturbing piece on radio 4 about some freaks who have a fb group of "women eating on the tube" and post pictures of women doing just that to "shame" them triple .

So I wouldn't blame those that do have issues. Nothing would come between me and a pudding I fancied tbh.

I'm not sure where all these huge meals are served, I think that on the whole a good restaurant creates meals where the size of the portions is such that you can enjoy a variety of the offerings - usually 3 courses. At my mother's local pub - ooop north - I couldn't manage their offerings of hearty soup, lasagne and chips and treacle tart without retiring to bed for a good sleep but at places like Brasserie Blanc or Cote Braserie - high street chains - the portions are not large and 3 courses isn't that much.

goingonabearhunt, you've just reminded me of last year's Christmas do for work. It was in a restaurant. The starter was lovely, the main course was horrid (anybody who ordered that one left most of it) and when I looked at the dessert menu it was chocolate-central so I didn't have one. I was challenged as to why I wouldn't but I was in a minority of maybe 2 out of 15 so nobody should have felt odd about it, surely?

Fortunately, I have vertigo so no driving for me at the moment and I will miss this year's!

A lot of pubs have very big portions I find but restaurants not so much depending which one it is.

KERALA, that's a disgrace. Why? What on earth would be a reason for anybody to do that? That's really messed up thinking and those poor women

Bluntness you move in very limited circles then

That’s slightly illogical really, as I’m saying that women who can eat a lot, women who can’t eat a lot, and women who can and who chose not to eat a lot and are judgey about it, all exist. Surely that would be a wider circle than those saying rhe latter category don’t exist? Why is my circle more limited? Because my colleagues and mates can trough? Ok, we can all trough and we are rhe exception and my social circle is limited.

Does this make you happy that in your view I have a limited social circle? Is that what you wished to hear? .then ok then, you’ve heard it

This happened on the tube a while ago too:

www.standard.co.uk/news/london/police-investigating-fatshaming-leaflets-which-were-handed-to-women-on-tube-a3126516.html

Nothing like targeting women in public eh?

A woman I work with always makes a big announcement with 'do I look like the type of person who eats dessert?'

It makes some of us feel bad for having one - not me. I'd have 3 courses of pudding if I could.

A lot of pubs have very big portions I find but restaurants not so much depending which one it is.

You need to come to Portugal, land of the huge portions (depending on the restaurant).
Although the biggest I've seen were in Venezuela. Literally a mountain on a plate.

Why are you using words like 'trough', Bluntness?

And I've agreed with you (and many others on this thread) that there are dining nightmare companions. I read your post as incredulous at women (who aren't one of those judgemental nitwits) who dare to decline a third course for myriad reasons. If they're not looking pointedly at you or making any comments then they are they even on your radar?

That's the danger of broad-brush, sweeping generalisations on a chatboard, they scoop up more than the target posters and this seems to be an incendiary topic... as the OP knew it would be.

I minded because it made me feel greedy and that he hadn't been thoughtful. In fact he was generally quite inconsiderate. It was long ago.
He was a pilllock.

*why are they even on your radar?

... and I'm not having a pop at you.

Wow @Bluntness100, I guess my DH isn’t a man in your eyes then, because I’ve only known him eat pudding about once a year for the last 3 decades!

As someone with an eating disorder, it would be really nice if everyone just shut the fuck up and didn’t draw attention to their own or other people’s eating habits in public. What someone has in their plate has fuck all to do with anyone else. Being smug about your own meal or commenting on mine are both equally rude and unwelcome. I just don’t eat out with anyone apart from DH and the kids any more. Much easier!

Commenting on what other people eat is rude. Even if it's "How do you stay so slim?"
I used to work in an office with this woman, and every time she saw me prepare my lunch, several times a week, would go on and on about how horrible what I was having was. I was tempted to shove it in the bin and say "Happy now?" but I didn't.

I'm the opposite I'm the smug woman who always has dessert in a restaurant!

If I'm eating out I'll eat what I want not for appearances sake.

I don't really eat dessert at home but out for a meal if there is something I like yay!

Tonight is gonna be a dessert night as we're out for DHs birthday

Their loss, more for you!

EI’m overweight and elderly AND I have just eaten two - yes TWO- fat slices of banana bread.

Am I smug? Gosh yes!

@tinseltwins said:

“Uh huh
And people who order a soft drink instead of booze are unsociable, boring, need to let their hair down, yada yada had a

They're all doing it to be awkward, meanwhile you would be outraged if expected to eat/drink what they eat/drink”

That does not follow whatsoever from what I said, which is that “a few” people (ie not everybody) say it for effect. I couldn’t give a shit if people drink or not, and I don’t expect people to eat or drink what I do, just not to go on and on about how stuffed they are and couldn’t possibly eat the three course which they’ve just watched me eat.

Eat or drink what you want but don’t fucking go on about it.

Ugh, future MIL & SIL are like this. MIL told us how they were giving out samples of stollen and she had one and 'was soooo full' Likes to brag that 'I've only eaten a handful of nuts so far'. SIL is the same then they both bitch about fat people and how they are a drain on society. MIL was a nurse and SIL is one too. I used to be 20 stone and lost most of the weight by being bulimic. MIL and SIL made a comment about some snacks me and DP had bought (baring in mind I was just getting over the bulimia) and of course they pipe up 'ooooo so much fat,sugar,calories yadaya) One time I mentioned I'd had a dounut as an afternoon snack and was met with 'omg those are 800 calories' I want to shout at them to fuck off and that they could do with eating more but unless it's organic,sugar alternative or natural they recoil in horror. Though they do eat out at restaurants...usually salad. I have not been to see them for dinner in almost a year for fear of them commenting on my eating habits. DP has put on a bit of weight since being with me but he was underweight when we met. SIL said 'oh so you're the reason DB is fat' I dread the day they meet my family as my DD is overweight. Bitches the pair of them tbh.

DP has put on 2 stone and is still a healthy weight for his height and I think he looks better for it. He was 9 stone at 5ft 8in which is slightly underweight i think. he is now 10.5

Carrie You - and your DP need to confront this pair of harridans.

Something like, "MIL/SIL, I feel so sorry for you both because you're completely obsessed with food. It's just food and I don't need or want to hear every tiny little thought that preoccupies your minds about it, ok?".

You haven't anything to lose and I think you'd feel a lot better if you actually pulled them up on their nasty belittling behaviour.

YABU
i never have a pudding - i just haven't got a sweet tooth! If there's a cheeseboard i'm all over it ....and if restaurants offered a family bag of doritos as a pudding ....i'd be in heaven lol

Lying once we're married I will. DP knows why I don't frequent his family as often as I used to, and knows there is only so many comments I can take before I do say something. However I don't feel I've earned that right just yet seeing as we're not married yet. Can't wait for when we move in together and invite them over for dinner and give them huge portions AND dessert AND offer them alcohol.

I'd offer up my dessert because I don't like puddings, at all. I also couldn't eat a 3 course meal.

Fgs this thread has made me bake banana bread!