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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some women are smug about not having dessert?

373 replies

Tobythecat · 29/11/2017 13:28

It seems to be mainly the older women, but I've noticed that a few of the social groups that I go to (there are a lot of older women there) seem horrified when asked to pick their three course lunch for Christmas at a local restaurant. They are fine with starters, but a lot of them say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone. The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal Grin

I don't know if it's because women are supposed to be seen as dainty and ladylike and not have big appetites, but it just comes across as so smug.

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

OP posts:
grimeofthecentury · 29/11/2017 14:08

Also not massively keen on sweet stuff, rather have cheese or something

LaurieFairyCake · 29/11/2017 14:10

I'm 4 stone overweight, still can't eat a 3 course meal Hmm - can just manage 2 courses

I eat about 1700 calories a day

Hookeslaw · 29/11/2017 14:10

My friend says she can't manage a full chocolate bar. Hmm

Course she can! She is exactly a competitive undereater.

haarlandgoddard · 29/11/2017 14:10

To be fair I struggle with 3 courses and I eat LOADS (just not all in one go). I go for main and pudding though. Starter and main people baffle me.

ShellyBoobs · 29/11/2017 14:11

I skip starters at the risk of not enjoying the desert.

I find them dry and boring, to be honest.

Missonihoni · 29/11/2017 14:13

Today 14:10 LaurieFairyCake

I'm 4 stone overweight, still can't eat a 3 course meal hmm - can just manage 2 courses

I eat about 1700 calories a day

..... not scientifically possible but ok

mumisnotmyname · 29/11/2017 14:13

I am a squidgy size ten, now in my mid forties I rarely eat 3 courses, partly I get too full, partly as you age weight does creep on quicker and partly I have an increasingly savoury tooth. I'm not judging you and when I was younger I ate more three course meals. I still eat plenty of rubbish but spread out throughout the day !

kmc1111 · 29/11/2017 14:14

I can eat 3 courses, but I dread social engagements with that kind of set-up. 9 times out of 10 the food's utter garbage and it's a whole drawn out production that takes up hours and hours. It's also often expensive, which isn't an issue for me but is something I find pretty thoughtless.

I've often made a fuss about how we don't need 3 courses, how so much will go uneaten, how we should go somewhere more casual where people can get what they want and only what they want...I'm pretty sure you'd think I'm being smug about my eating habits, but I'm just trying not to end up at another crappy event eating crappy food.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 29/11/2017 14:15

Grincakesrus just like me. Prefer dessert to starter although will easily eat 3 courses if set menu. Am post menopausal size 8-10 and love food! Never 'watch' what i eat.
Appetite not as big as it was frustratingly.
Hate the smugness of those who are so carefully watching what they eat for show. Those who genuinely are watching their diet keep quiet.

Morphene · 29/11/2017 14:15

missoni why would you say that isn't scientifically possible?

Of course its possible to be 4 stone over weight and eat 1700 calories a day Confused

HouseworkIsASin10 · 29/11/2017 14:17

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

YANBU they are smug about not eating desserts but not so smug about eating a Starter and a Main, greedy fuckers. Either way it's still 2 courses. It's just personal choice Starter/Main or Main/Dessert.
They just don't get it.

TheLuminaries · 29/11/2017 14:18

Perception is interesting. I explained how portion sizes have increased - and the resultant obesity epidemic is no secret - and how a dainty appetite is a good thing compared to obesity related illness. I then get told I am an example of the snugness on this thread! I think some people are uncomfortable in their relationship with food and it makes them defensive. Someone making good choices for a long and healthy life is not smug or a personal attack. It is someone who respects and cares for their body as they age. We should encourage this in women, not put them down for it. Self care is a good thing, not a sin.

Missonihoni · 29/11/2017 14:19

Not including a medical condition or pregnancy.

It really isn't.

It's just denial about the calories.

Chrys2017 · 29/11/2017 14:19

..... not scientifically possible but ok

It certainly is. Look up hypothalamic obesity.

MargaretCavendish · 29/11/2017 14:19

I've often made a fuss about how we don't need 3 courses, how so much will go uneaten, how we should go somewhere more casual where people can get what they want and only what they want...I'm pretty sure you'd think I'm being smug about my eating habits, but I'm just trying not to end up at another crappy event eating crappy food.

I'm not sure I'd find you smug but I would find you trying to change the agreed group plans because you don't like formal/three-course meals pretty annoying and self-centred.

Allthetuppences · 29/11/2017 14:20

That is entirely realistic! 1,700 calories will easily maintain a person of low to moderate activity!

TammySwansonTwo · 29/11/2017 14:20

Yes, YABU. I physically can't eat more than one course. You wouldn't believe it to look at me (size 14 so hardly svelte) but I eat very little and can't handle a big meal. Don't even manage to finish the one course very often.

MargaretCavendish · 29/11/2017 14:20

Perception is interesting. I explained how portion sizes have increased - and the resultant obesity epidemic is no secret - and how a dainty appetite is a good thing compared to obesity related illness. I then get told I am an example of the snugness on this thread! I think some people are uncomfortable in their relationship with food and it makes them defensive

And I think you're smug as fuck. As you said, though, perspectives are interesting so let's agree to differ.

Ollivander84 · 29/11/2017 14:20

I have 1st 8lbs left to lose and I maintain on 1700 at the minute. Have to cut to below 1200 to lose and I'm 5ft 10!

Katedotness1963 · 29/11/2017 14:21

I have been out for meals with younger women, who appear to never eat anything other than salad and look at me like I'm an animal for ordering a bowl of pasta. I had one woman's daughter say to me "mummy only eats salad because daddy days she'll end up fat like..." I wonder whose name she was going to say before she caught herself??

Chrys2017 · 29/11/2017 14:22

ARGH THIS IS NOT A THREAD ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU EAT DESSERT! IT IS A THREAD ABOUT WHETHER YOU'RE A TWAT ABOUT NOT EATING DESSERT!

This

Missonihoni · 29/11/2017 14:22

Today 14:20 Ollivander84

I have 1st 8lbs left to lose and I maintain on 1700 at the minute. Have to cut to below 1200 to lose and I'm 5ft 10!

From what to get into a healthy bmi range?

TammySwansonTwo · 29/11/2017 14:23

Missoni I don't think you really understand the realities of how the body responds to calories, and especially to hormones. Why do you think hypothyroidism and PCOS cause weight gain? Just a coincidence?

I've been on very extreme hormone treatments - one made me lose 4 stone, another made me put on more than 3 stone, with absolutely no change to my diet or activity levels.

Chrys2017 · 29/11/2017 14:23

I have 1st 8lbs left to lose and I maintain on 1700 at the minute. Have to cut to below 1200 to lose and I'm 5ft 10!

Hopefully reverse dieting will fix that. And weight training if you're not already doing that. Congrats on your weight loss.

Missonihoni · 29/11/2017 14:23

Today 14:19 Chrys2017

..... not scientifically possible but ok

It certainly is. Look up hypothalamic obesity.

Medical condition ?