To think some women are smug about not having dessert?

[Tobythecat]

It seems to be mainly the older women, but I've noticed that a few of the social groups that I go to (there are a lot of older women there) seem horrified when asked to pick their three course lunch for Christmas at a local restaurant. They are fine with starters, but a lot of them say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone. The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal

I don't know if it's because women are supposed to be seen as dainty and ladylike and not have big appetites, but it just comes across as so smug.

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

I'm a lard arse and I couldn't do 3 courses.

Much prefer a pud to a starter any day.

I know exactly what you mean OP and am surprised that so many people don't recognise it all. There is a significant minority of women - my (very slim) MIL is one - who will make a real performance out of not being able to finish a meal, or out of not eating dessert. Both of which are absolutely fine in and of themselves - it's the palaver surrounding it. The last time I ate out with my MIL my heart sank when she ordered the same as me for lunch, because I knew exactly what would happen: 'Gosh, isn't this filling? Why do they serve such big portions? Oh, I'm never going to manage all this. Oh this is just so rich' - all with pointed looks as I finished off my entire plateful. It was a sodding butternut squash and lentil salad, ffs, not a roast dinner with all the trimmings. But again, her not finishing it isn't the problem - it's the elaborate performance of how she is not finishing it.

Unless you're somewhere pretty fancy portions are huge. And I prefer starters to deserts - especially since it's mainly ice cream (which I don't really like - it's too cold ) or something super filling like crumble or sponge. Actually, if I didn't feel weird about it I'd just order a few different starters. They're my favourite part.

Give me calamari (or whatever) over chocolate fudge cake any day.

I'm overweight with a VERY sweet tooth - I am not a dainty eater but I can never manage 3 courses, as I find it to be too much food all at once. It makes me feel unwell.

Hate pudding. Never, ever eat it.
Wine and cheese please

Personally, it just depends on what I fancy.

But yes, I know one person (MIL) who very openly never finishes a meal and always refuses dessert (unless she’s made it) because she thinks that’s what ladies should do. Apparently ladies doesn’t include myself, SIL, or dinner guests though, as she’s always mortified if we don’t eat everything on offer.

I really think all the posters detailing exactly how they can't eat three courses are missing the point (and some of them are doing exactly what the OP is complaining about!). No one's saying it's unreasonable to only want one or two courses, the complaint is about making a huge deal out of it and implying that it somehow makes you morally superior.

I think portion sizes these days have gone insane. As a petite woman in her 50s, I cannot put away the vast volume of food that seems to be the norm these days - which is resulting in an obesity epidemic.

I can never manage 3 courses so always skip starter so I can have a pudding. Better a dainty appetite than obesity related illnesses in later life, I think.

SIL is the best - she'll break a chunk off a cookie but 'doesn't eat sugar'

Ffs

I've seen a lot of competitive undereating, quite a bit in front of me while I scoff my face with dessert . It doesn't bother me: some women want to be slim so they eat less, and I'd love to be slim but love eating a lot more.

but yes, the performance eating is hard to cope with, as it almost always comes with an implied judgement

Na I don't have pudding much. If i do i ask for two spoons and share with dh or ask someone to give me hand. I'm a 10-12 so not small, I eat and drink loads.

So slim women who don’t want a desert are judging?
Overweight women who don’t want one are lying?

It’s one of the reasons I avoided eating out. I’ve been underweight due to an undiagnosed medical issue and when I said no to three courses I’d get to,d I need fattening up and I know at least one person thought I was being clever because they’d ordered three courses. I genuinely wasn’t. I didn’t want three courses, I didn’t even want two but couldn’t face the anorexia accusations and the starter was better than the desert.

I’m now back at my normal size ten weight, since I’ve been treated my weight has come back quickly so I’m getting comments about how maybe I should leave the desert.

Someone is judged at your Christmas meal OP but it’s not the people not having three courses.

I think portion sizes these days have gone insane. As a petite woman in her 50s, I cannot put away the vast volume of food that seems to be the norm these days - which is resulting in an obesity epidemic.

I can never manage 3 courses so always skip starter so I can have a pudding. Better a dainty appetite than obesity related illnesses in later life, I think.

How helpful of you to give an example of exactly the sort of comment OP has in mind... A real service to the thread!

Well its like everything isn't it? You can have no dessert...or you can have no dessert while be smug and insufferable about it.

Some women are undeniably smug about turning down a dessert. Others are judgey. Most aren't either.

I don’t like sweet things so for me it’s not a hardship to forgo a pudding.

I’m a size 10 (ok, maybe a 12) but I certainly wouldn’t be for long if there was an option to have 2 starters when forgoing pudding. I’d definitely go for an extra starter!

(Not greedy. Honestly!)

FWIW I could eat three courses easily and I'm a size ten

So stick that in yer pipe and smoke it

Maybe you're imagining the smugness.

I'd generally eat it if I'd paid for it as part of a set 3 course meal, but if there was the option to pay less for two courses I would take that because often, in even quite nice restaurants, the desserts are bought in and not really that nice. Many times, Ive eaten it because it's there and regretted it afterwards. And if it's a lunch, maybe people don't want a huge meal, especially if they're going back to work afterwards.

Just eat what you want or not. It's the song and dance about it that is so annoying.

I don't go anywhere that has a set three course menu with some of my friends anymore. I like to pick and choose, that's me. Tapas and Greek mezze are my absolute faves. Everyone can share so no one notices really if one is scoffing or not.

Otherwise it is a la carte, sometimes just a starter and a dessert, sometimes just a main no dessert. Depends on how you feel on the night.

I don't have a great appetite, but love going out to dinner especially when I can graze. I really don't like a groaning plateful of food!

We are all different aren't we?

I'm a middle aged big eater and the best part of a meal out for me is the pud. I skip starters at the risk of not enjoying the desert.

Competitive undereating

Now there's a sport

ARGH THIS IS NOT A THREAD ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU EAT DESSERT! IT IS A THREAD ABOUT WHETHER YOU'RE A TWAT ABOUT NOT EATING DESSERT!

Sorry about that. But seriously, nobody, but nobody, cares whether or not you, personally, can manage three courses and what size you are.

I couldn't physically eat 3 courses, sorry not trying to "be" anything, just couldn't.

I'm in my 50's, overweight, and I cannot eat a three course meal anymore. I rarely order more than a main course, I just can't manage it. There's no smugness here, and I'm not losing any weight. I've lost my sweet tooth as I got older.

My MIL does this whenever we go out for dinner. She rarely has pudding, tells me (over and over) how she buys a box of chocolates and has one a day with a cup of tea as her little treat, and then sits there while I wolf down chocolate fudge cake or sticky toffee pudding, watching me as though I was eating my own children.

I don't let it bother me any more because I am a healthy weight, I rarely eat out, so when I do I have pudding! and I don't eat much "nice" stuff in general at home etc - she might buy a box of chocolates and eat one a day, but I don't even buy the chocolates in the first place.