To think some women are smug about not having dessert?

[Tobythecat]

It seems to be mainly the older women, but I've noticed that a few of the social groups that I go to (there are a lot of older women there) seem horrified when asked to pick their three course lunch for Christmas at a local restaurant. They are fine with starters, but a lot of them say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone. The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal

I don't know if it's because women are supposed to be seen as dainty and ladylike and not have big appetites, but it just comes across as so smug.

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

I'm a complete tubby chubster, and can only manage 2 courses - especially if it's one of those celebration meals where they tend to give you too much....

Whether I pick dessert or starter entirely depends on which sounds nicest....

I don't have a large appetite, and don't have a sweet tooth, but am borderline diabetic, so never have a dessert.

So should I now force myself to eat a pudding and make myself sick or aggravate my possible diabetic situation, just to please you, OP, and so I don't appear a 'smug older woman'?

YABVU

I got IBS at uni and now eat about 1/2 of what I used to, because otherwise i'd be super bloated.

So I couldn't eat 3 courses. I'd fart for days and gas everyone in the office. And have you considered some people just don't LIKE dessert?

PS - I often don't have a starter and main course, will usually choose one or the other. I couldn't give a shiny shit what everyone else has to eat, and would not expect anyone to give the same kind of shit what I choose to eat. I go out for the social aspect. What I eat is up to me. Isn't it?

THREAD ABOUT WHETHER YOU'RE A TWAT ABOUT NOT EATING DESSERT!

It’s a thread about the OP judging people for not eating dessert as smug, especially overweight people who must automatically be lying. That’s why people are explaining their own circumstances, to point out the OP’s judgment might be a little off.

I very rarely have a three course meal - usually it is too much for me and I end up feeling horrible/having indigestion. If having two courses I am more likely to have a starter than a pudding.

I'm mid-forties now and only having one course has definitely increased with age (despite my weight also increasing). I'm more sedentary than I was (partly due to injury), find that rich puds give me indigestion sometimes, and I get way too many calories from wine now.

As for the overweight thing - well, as an overweight person myself I am in the habit of grazing so rarely get really hungry. I know this isn't good (trying to change) but it's the truth. I just don't eat massive meals/three course meals often but I do know I pack in the calories with my snack and wine habit. I'm really not trying to look dainty - I just genuinely don't want three courses (if we're eating at 8 pm I can pretty much guarantee you I've had a snack since lunch).

In addition, I don't feel the need to eat as much when I am around people and enjoying myself. I know I eat less and slower. I am a real comfort/stress eater - hence the weight.

Anyway, I can and do eat three courses when I want to - I just don't want to most of the time. I would like to think I never look horrified about the prospect though!

Yes, I know what you mean about some older woman. I agree that, maybe it's because they want to be seen as dainty , but also shame in greed. I, myself, am in my late 20s and usually try to have 3 courses. It's a burden The only time I don't is, if, pudding will make me too full or it's nothing I fancy.
Sometimes when I am on a no sugar kick (not often these days)refusing pudding makes me very self-disciplined and maybe I have come across as smug.

Unkind comment about the 20 stone woman, OP...

I usually skip the starter rather than miss pudding. I couldn't manage three courses.

Missonihoni, medical conditions are often defined quite arbitrarily. The point between "having a medical condition" and "not having a medical condition" can be complicated. And what happens when you have "low" levels of a hormone but are not technically "deficient" in it, say? If it doesn't quite class as a "medical condition", then can it not affect metabolism (and therefore appetite/weight)? Is "borderline diabetic" a medical condition? If it is, then what about "almost borderline diabetic"? It's ludicrous to think different rules apply for "medical condition people" and "not medical condition people".

I am a sturdy 16-18 and can’t handle 3 courses but would always always pick dessert over a starter !

But anyway, back to the point of the thread. Yeah, we all need to stop giving so much of a shit what each other eats (this applies equally to the judgy non-pudding people - if they are indeed that - and to the OP, and to all of us for engaging in this level of interest, probably).

I do however know some of the types of women that some of the other posters are referring to though. My SIL's mother is like this. Always has her eyes on everybody's plate and is always commenting on her own eating habits in a very positive light whilst the silence hangs in the air. Everybody ignores her but it's grating.

Women (not all, but a lot) certainly do seem to scrutinise other women's eating habits very closely.

No snugness from this older woman - puddings are the best bit.

It’s a thread about the OP judging people for not eating dessert as smug, especially overweight people who must automatically be lying.

If you read the OP she doesn't say she's talking about everyone who doesn't eat dessert, she says she's talking about people who 'seem horrified' at the idea, and who "say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone". I agree that her unpleasant comment about the overweight woman confused matters a bit, but I'm pretty certain this is about people who perform not eating dessert, not just all people who don't eat dessert.

THREAD ABOUT WHETHER YOU'RE A TWAT ABOUT NOT EATING DESSERT!

It’s a thread about the OP judging people for not eating dessert as smug, especially overweight people who must automatically be lying. That’s why people are explaining their own circumstances, to point out the OP’s judgment might be a little off.

Agreed. And the remark about the "20 stone woman" was completely uncalled for.

I eat most of my calories by grazing throughout the day, I just can't handle 3 courses at once. I would have in my 20s though.

It’s a thread about overweight and older women.

Twatty in the extreme

I don't have a sweet tooth. I'll have fruit salad if that's on offer though.

I normally order something really nice and very tasty and meaty for main course, like steak or my junk favourites - chicken wings. In that case I never want a dessert because I don't want to spoil the taste.

Desserts have to be really special for me to want to have the calories. The ones that come with a set meal will probably be over sweetened frozen bought in rubbish which quite frankly aren't worth them so I'd decline one. If one was served to me it would only go back uneaten.

Now offer me a decent cheeseboard and I'll have the 3 courses happily

I don't have a sweet tooth, and rarely eat dessert. Unless it's a cheese board. But I tend to just go with the flow when it comes to ordering group menus like this.
It's the people who 'save' themselves for dessert, that really annoy me. Can't possibly eat a starter too...yet then proceed to pick at everyone elses!!

I can easily horse down three courses (I’m not overweight) but I really struggle to choose food in advance for this sort of thing as I might not fancy it on the day.

Yes well the OP has lit the blue touch paper and is rubbing her thighs at the thought of having had a bitch-plop. Now nowhere to be seen.

say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone".

I say things like that. For all I know, people may interpret that as being said in a judgey tone. I’m not responsible for how people hear things, but I would be the one who is called smug. And this happens a lot on MN. Non smug people are called smug and judgey all the time.

I skip starters and leave some of my main course so that i can have room for pudding, I have a very sweet tooth tho

I'm a size 8. Not sure why size is relevant to having or not having pudding 🤔