To think some women are smug about not having dessert?

[Tobythecat]

It seems to be mainly the older women, but I've noticed that a few of the social groups that I go to (there are a lot of older women there) seem horrified when asked to pick their three course lunch for Christmas at a local restaurant. They are fine with starters, but a lot of them say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone. The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal

I don't know if it's because women are supposed to be seen as dainty and ladylike and not have big appetites, but it just comes across as so smug.

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

I fucking love dessert but I never have it after a meal as I am always too full to enjoy it. I always have it on its own, instead of a main if I can. Some people just can't eat that much.

I don't have dessert either, I'm a 40 something size 18/20 and its nothing to do with pretending to be 'dainty'.

• I don't particularly like desserts, I'd rather have a starter
• sometimes I genuinely can't fit one in
• If I do eat one (eg as part of a set 3 course meal), it makes me feel too full/quite sick and stops me from enjoying a drink or two afterwards

@ohdo

It's clear to see your neither lady like or dainty from your choice of words 😷

I’m a size 10-12 and tall. I don’t eat pudding as I work out a lot and don’t want to get fat. Eating lots of sugar makes me fat. Am oldish so know my own body well (especially as I used to be a size 18).

It’s not smugness that makes me refuse pudding, more a knowledge of how fucking hard I worked / work to remain slim that drives me.

In simple terms, I prefer clothes to cake.

People who are over weight and say they cannot eat one due to not having the room are likely to be embarrassed because people will say 'no wonder she's fat'.

@Missonihoni Oh, is that because I said 'cunt'? So sorry. Now unclutch those pearls, dear.

It may be that they're being smug, or they might genuinely not want to eat 3 courses, and/or they might be on a diet for health reasons.

I can't eat a 3 course meal, almost never. But I will usually drop the starter rather than the dessert because I really like desserts - and I really shouldn't be eating desserts because I need to lose around 2 stone in weight. Some people will prefer to keep the starter because they don't like sweet stuff though.

zzzz yes you’re right BUT I have noticed the same tha the OP. That some women make the ‘no I’m going to have a dessert’ some sort of badge of honour. One that shows they can be restrained, that somehow they are eating well because they aren’t having anything sweet etc...
I’ve always found that strange tbh.

I have chosen a pudding for the work Christmas do, but not a starter as I didn't like what they offered. I don't normally have pudding because I don't have a sweet tooth. Christmas pud will be a bit of a treat.

I am smug-ish about hardly ever eating out or having a takeaway but I am a greedy pig and would be the size of an elephant if I ate out every day.

Sorry it should have been
‘no I’m NOT going to have a dessert’ ......

I rarely eat dessert - has to be something really spectacular - and if I do fancy a pudding then I don’t have a starter. I’m not trying to lose weight or to look dainty but I don’t like feeling overfull.
Food can be such an issue can’t it? So many people have complex relationships with food; it’s an eye opener sometimes.

It's only food, right? It would be great if we could all just get over this sort of thing. People have their own reasons for deciding what they do or don't want to eat.

I get what you mean, though I think your “20st” comment was unnecessary. There’s no issue with not wanting 3 courses or a huge amount of food, but I find it irritating when people have to make a big deal out of it.

“Oh I couldn’t POSSIBLY eat that, I’m so full”

“Oh my salad was huge, I’m stuffed, can’t manage dessert”

“Oh my goodness are you still hungry?”

People are different, appetites/needs are different and that’s ok. I’ve noticed some really strange attitudes to food on MN actually, people never just eat, they guzzle or snaffle or stuff their faces or gobble. Think it’s a throwback from some bizarre Puritan attitude towards “gluttony”🙄

YANBU. Some women really do like to make a song and dance about how they couldn't possibly eat more than a lettuce leaf. They're normally the ones that go home and stuff their faces in secret later on.
Don't order the dessert if you don't want it, but there's no need to trumpet it round the room like some kind of accomplishment.

Hope you enjoy your Christmas lunch and dessert!

I never have a pudding as I don't like sweet stuff much prefer a starter, nothing smug about it.

id never be smug

id be on a diet. and crying inside.

I have a very healthy appetite but I would struggle to eat a 3 course meal. Normally if I have a starter I won't have dessert, more often than not a main course is more than enough. I find unless you're going to a high end restraunt, portion sizes are much bigger than the recommended portion size for an adult and even eating all of that can make me uncomfortably full. Eating too much really can ruin a meal.

I imagine some people can be smug about it, But not all. I'm certainly not smug, after all so far today I've eaten chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce, a bit of chocolate cake and some custard (yes I know how bad that is but I'm having a bad day)

I’m fat. I don’t do three course meals unless they’re over three to four hours (and let’s face it no one spends that long in a restaurant) - I genuinely don’t have the ability to eat three courses. Some days I might manage two courses but some days I’m just asking to be judged by the likes of the OP for refusing...

In fact there is a diner that my husband and I go into, And we can quite happily share one of their starters (meant for one person) And be comfortably full

I take no notice of what other people eat or order, I eat what I want. If these woman really are “performing” with their declarations of horror at having to choose 3 courses then, if there isn’t an audience for them, it is a waste of their energy.

I hate feeling like I've over eaten, just find it really uncomfortable.

I need this! I wish I could feel like this but don’t feel saited until I feel sick. Aghhhh

I don't do desserts. I'll have a fuck off great big cheeseboard to myself though.

YABU to assume that the 20 stone woman must surely eat every morsel of food going because obviously that's why she's overweight! Maybe she has diabetes or is watching her sugar intake/weight but is too embarrassed to say...

It does depend if you are drinking too. I can eat more when I don’t want to drink. As soon as I eat food it puts me off my wine.

I;m 45 and was saying to DH the other day, when you get a bit older, you really can't eat as much.

I'm not fat and never have been but I did used to eat more than I do now. Maybe that's why it's the "older ladies" who say this.

I can't eat pudding and a starter.