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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some women are smug about not having dessert?

373 replies

Tobythecat · 29/11/2017 13:28

It seems to be mainly the older women, but I've noticed that a few of the social groups that I go to (there are a lot of older women there) seem horrified when asked to pick their three course lunch for Christmas at a local restaurant. They are fine with starters, but a lot of them say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone. The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal Grin

I don't know if it's because women are supposed to be seen as dainty and ladylike and not have big appetites, but it just comes across as so smug.

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/11/2017 23:14

I do agree with MargaretCavendish's post way up the thread though about her MIL making pointed comments. That's just rude and insufferable and I think I'd be tempted to say to MIL, "If it's too much for you then just leave it, nobody will mind, but could you leave me to enjoy mine please? Thank you"... and then just carry on the conversation.

There are food bores and wannabe 'custodians' of what other people eat and/or drink and they should be challenged every single time they do it - and then ignored.

TinselTwins · 29/11/2017 23:17

So you're not allowed to discuss your meal unless you clean your plate? Otherwise you're being smug and making a point.
There is nothing wrong with talking about how satisfied you are with what you've had just because you don't want any more.

TinselTwins · 29/11/2017 23:19

I thought that part of the enjoyment of going out for a meal was discussing the different things you've had. If someone is feeling satisfied and full and you take that personally..that's you not them..

YoloSwaggins · 29/11/2017 23:21

Does anyone remember that scene from Miranda where her friends are like "Oooh I'd love a cake, but just a green tea for me" and "Ooooh I could destroy a gateau, but just a coffee for me" and then Miranda goes "Oooh the crumble.....just a crumble please"

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/11/2017 23:23

This was Margaret's post and I can see why it irked her.

MargaretCavendish Wed 29-Nov-17 13:57:48
I know exactly what you mean OP and am surprised that so many people don't recognise it all. There is a significant minority of women - my (very slim) MIL is one - who will make a real performance out of not being able to finish a meal, or out of not eating dessert. Both of which are absolutely fine in and of themselves - it's the palaver surrounding it. The last time I ate out with my MIL my heart sank when she ordered the same as me for lunch, because I knew exactly what would happen: 'Gosh, isn't this filling? Why do they serve such big portions? Oh, I'm never going to manage all this. Oh this is just so rich' - all with pointed looks as I finished off my entire plateful. It was a sodding butternut squash and lentil salad, ffs, not a roast dinner with all the trimmings. But again, her not finishing it isn't the problem - it's the elaborate performance of how she is not finishing it.

================================================

It's the pointed looks and the multiple comments. That would put me off anyway and I wouldn't think of having food with this person very often.

There are some even more examples in the thread from other posters and it must be insufferable to eat with them.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/11/2017 23:24

I love that, Yolo but I do love Miranda Grin

DrCoconut · 29/11/2017 23:39

I need all 3 courses because the vegetarian main is always teeny tiny compared to the meat options. I have no idea how I don't eat meat translates to I eat less than my 2 year old Confused

SueSueDonahue · 30/11/2017 00:17

I am (I hope) not smug about it but I don't like sweet food, especially out as it's stupidly over sweetened usually. Home made is less sweet.

I like starters and all savoury food. I just wouldn't choose to eat a pudding.

I shocked my then 8 year old once by eating ice cream. She'd never seen me before. She talked about it for months 😂

paxillin · 30/11/2017 00:55

An OLD WOMAN didn't want pudding, an OLD FAT WOMAN! She was trying to appear dainty and ladylike when she was old and fat.

She's not the smug one. You should insert your pudding anally and feel extra smug.

DullAndOld · 30/11/2017 00:57

Grin @ Paxillin. Spot on!

Mia1415 · 30/11/2017 06:49

What a bizarre thread. I don't like desert. I'm not smug about it. I just don't like it. Why is that such a problem for you?

Lethaldrizzle · 30/11/2017 06:57

Surely the only person who would worry about ordering more food for fear of looking greedy, has issues with their weight or/and food, in the same way a person who maybe drinks too much would feel self conscious about ordering that extra glass of wine? If you havent got a problem with food just eat what ever the he'll you like Surely?!

Rebeccaslicker · 30/11/2017 07:03

I never order pudding as I like v few of them and worry about diabetes after having GD. However I will sometimes order cheese. I'm not remotely smug about it and can't honestly say i have noticed anyone being so. You do get lots of people trying to encourage you to have one though!

I couldn't care less what everyone has or doesn't have, unless I'm in a hurry and only one person wants pudding and they want the one with a hot melty middle that takes 25 mins or something!

IveGotBillsTheyreMultiplying · 30/11/2017 07:34

I’m often sick if I have a three course meal. Restaurant food can be very rich and together with a few glass of wine it’s enough to upset my gut. I’m very slim so probably come across as smug too, Confused

I’m late 40s, so probably older,

I’ll eat pudding at home after a normal home cooked main usuall’y on Sunday.

MrLovebucket · 30/11/2017 07:48

I hate OP's who post this sort of shit and then don't come back to the thread when people disagree with them.

speakout · 30/11/2017 07:52

I don't see the point of this thread.

How does it impact on her.

WrittenandGrown · 30/11/2017 07:55

Yanbu

Bluntness100 · 30/11/2017 07:56

Laughing at some of the sanctimonious stuff on here.

Op, I know what you mean, and I’m fairly sure everyone else does too. Yes there is a percentage of people who won’t have dessert because they are “being good” and will give some pointed looks to anyone who does. It’s one of the reasons folks tend not to have dessert if no one else does.

Only on mumsnet do you see this “ oh it’s jist too much food” or “ oh I hate dessert” shit. Who the fuck hates all desserts?😂

I do recall one poster who even said restaurants should serve “female” portions and many many others who said a whole main course was just too much for them, that and the wails about wastage. it’s somewhat akin to the whole chicken lasting a family of four a week shit that goes on.

Every single female I know can eat a full main course, or a three course meal, unless they are unwell, most can eat the same as a bloke if they so chose.

It’s a parallel universe with women who have very small tummies on here sometimes 😂

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 30/11/2017 07:59

I certainly dont hate all desserts

But if there isnt one i like on the menu im not going to eat it just to make someone else happy

The whole point of pudding is to make me happy

Roomba · 30/11/2017 08:02

I very rarely have a pudding, but that's because I am generally too full -
I don 't have a sweet tooth and I'd much rather have a starter instead. My friend has a (lighthearted!) theory that people are 'starter people', 'main course people' or 'dessert people' generally - she would rather eat ten different starters than a main course and dessert, I'd rather have a main course of one thing and our other friend would just eat ten desserts and skip the other courses if she could.

But yes I have experienced the 'Oo I couldn't possibly even though I;d love a dessert' thing. I've had two dates actually comment that it was nice to eat with someone with a good appetite as their previous dates had often ordered salads, picked at their food and refused dessert in some odd bid to seem 'ladylike'. Or maybe they weren't hungry/were put off their food/were nervous, who knows...

I put weight on if I eat over about 1400 calories a day, but I'm very short and pretty sedentary at the moment. When I was on my feet all day long I could eat whatever I could stuff in and not put on weight. But I don't have any conditions affecting my weight, I know some who do though.

Lweji · 30/11/2017 08:04

Every single female I know can eat a full main course, or a three course meal,

You need more and more diverse friends and some empathy.

Also, I don't believe that every female you know is capable of eating a three course meal in full.
Sanctimonious much? Wink

speakout · 30/11/2017 08:06

If I am out with my mother she always orders me a dessert because she thinks I am in denial.
I don't have a sweet tooth- although I can gorge on savoury.

She orders me one as a "treat" so I can keep her company.

I push it around the plate with my spoon or fork.

speakout · 30/11/2017 08:07

No way could I eat three courses.

A main or two starters is plenty.

Believeitornot · 30/11/2017 08:10

There is a significant minority of women - my (very slim) MIL is one - who will make a real performance out of not being able to finish a meal, or out of not eating dessert

For me whenever people do this, I interpret them to be protesting just a bit too much. My super skinny friends did this and I rolled my eyes and tucked right in.

Sometimes I don’t want a dessert but I’ll just say so when the waiter asks. Or if anyone asks. A simple “no I’m full” is enough.

Iprefercoffeetotea · 30/11/2017 08:16

I went out with some work colleagues for lunch yesterday. We only had one course. The portion was reasonably generous, but we'd not had a starter apart from a few prawn crackers, so not stupidly large.

I was the only one of the five of us who finished. I don't think any of them ate more than about 1/2 of it. It made me feel quite greedy. Maybe they wanted to eat with their families in the evening, but I was a bit Blush

I do eat a dessert if there's one I like but it has to be something I know I like because otherwise what's the point of the calories? And a lot of restaurant desserts are a bit bland and uninteresting. But if they're not, I'll definitely eat it and enjoy it.

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