Mum's immigrating and leaving me with the bills!! Help!

[Roundtumble]

So basically my mum's remarried & plans to move to her husband's country late next year. She says she will spend half a year in each country and so will be home for 6 months of the year BUT she wants to hand over all finances to me & put them in my name too.
This includes the rent (we live in a council house) utility bills & council tax. My teenage brother still lives at home & so I will be taking care of him also. He is a legal adult age working on his future and only recently started part time work that doesn't pay a huge amount.

I already help my mum out a lot at home (once we hit 18 we had to pay our way) paying just under half the rent & help with the utility bills and food shop. I don't begrudge it, except not having any say on how much I can afford to give every month and feeling like I had to sacrfice uni to help out at home.
She has been a great single mother to 5 children and did her utmost best to provide for us all and so now believes it's her turn to live her life and follow her dreams.
I understand all of that & want her to live the rest of her life being happy but it seems like since she has set her mind to it she has put everything else to the side including her role as a mother.
I've asked her how she expects me to pay for everything & look after my brother too. Her response was 'well I have to which she doesn't because I help out a huge deal. She says the house will be mine and so I have to foot the bills though she'll be here for 6 months of the year. When I said she'd have to help when she was here she said it'd no longer be her house, she'd just be here on holiday.

I don't know what do to or think or feel anymore. I'm pretty stressed at the moment and currently searching frantically to find a better paid job because as it is now ALL of my wage would go on bills alone.
I'm still young, 24 and trying to save towards my future business. I've always been far maturer than my age- I've been cleaning and cooking since 8, I was trusted with large amounts of money to bring to the bank, paid bills and did the food shop for then 6 people and came back by cab from age 11 & up.
If my mum goes and leaves me in this predicament I may as well forget about living my life.

I've tried to talk to her about it as have my siblings but she won't have any of it and says we are ganging up on her and don't want her to be happy.

Apologies for the long message and information all over the place but do you think I'm being unreasonable? Am I being selfish? I'm really happy my mum is following her dream but what about mine? What do I do?
Thanks for your time and any advice is appreciated.

Fwiw I definitely think you should consider contacting council and asking for an exchange. If you actually want to live with your dB do so in a 2 bed and make sure he contributes what he can, if you don’t then it’s time you both approach them and state your dm is moving and ask where that leaves you. You have been brilliant with your family and it’s time to consider your future now as your dm has

My mum transferred her council tenancy to me when she remarried and moved out (to a house up the road, not to a far-flung country!). The rules on assignments of new tenancies have changed but we'd had our council flat for 14 years so we were still under the old rules. The links and advice from Horace23 are spot on. I got advice from Shelter and I was told that if I was able to succeed the tenancy on death (as a family member who had lived in the flat for a year or more) then Mum was able to assign it to me. It didn't matter that it was a 3 bed flat for just me and DD.

OP definitely get advice from Shelter, and compare the cost of renting in your area. Also go to CAB and see what you might be entitled to. My flat is a 3 bed council flat in London but it's far cheaper to rent this than even a studio flat in this area - everyone my age are in flat shares, even those who are on salaries 5x mine. I do have a child so I get more help with finances than a single childless adult though. We're allowed to have lodgers in our council flats and I was able to rent out a room to a friend for a while, with permission from the council.

You might even find that if theres only you in the tenancy then they will MAKE you downsize. This happened with my grandmother once all the kids left and my grandad died. They needed that 4 bed tenancy, she was eventually given a 2 bed not far.

Under 25s can get housing benefit if they are estranged from their parents. And you can't get much more estranged than your mother having fucked off to live in another country!
Not if he is paying rent to a family member, especially if his mum is the legal tenant he is paying to. I don't think you can do that at any age.
tbf my info is old, but I doubt the rules have changed in the +ve direction on this.

There was a heartbreaking tale on Housing Enforcers on BBC1 this morning. A woman had been born and lived in a 4 bed council house for 63 years. She never married, worked from the age of 16 and cared for first her DDad and then her DMum until the latter's death. Her council issued her with an eviction notice as the house was too big for her needs. She wanted to stay in the area that she had lived in all her life and so had to rent privately at a much increased rent as there were no suitable social houses available.

I expect it depends on the council but there are no guarantees. OP you must seek advice. It would be an idea to read up on FOG too
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_blackmail

So this marriage and her DH is from another country, is it a very viable marriage or do you think she is doing this so she has somewhere to come back to in case it all goes wrong.

OP, how long until your mum leaves as you could be a joint tenant with her then I think she can come off the joint tenancy and leave you the sole tenancy after 6 months. You could then be a joint tenant with your brother which gives you both security.
You will need to get a contribution from your brother towards the bills, you are going to be 2 independent adults and he will need to pay towards the bills as well.

I know people have stopped posting on here since weds. I’ve just come back to say I can’t believe you’ve had so much advice saying don’t be your mother’s fool and cash cow. And here you are still contemplating doing just that. You’re 20 bloody 4.

Needlessly harsh @mummyoflittledragon.

It’s easy to see things clearly when you are not in the situation. The OP is just trying to be a good daughter, she loves her mother and her brother and wants to do what is right .

OP, you're 24, your brother's an adult too. You are two adults not two 10 years olds whose Mummy has abandoned them. Your mum is going to another country. Really, is that it? Fly the nest, stand on your own two feet, be independent and get on with your lives.

Kr1st1na
I’m exasperated that a young woman is treating herself so badly. She isn’t doing the right thing if she jeopardises her future. Moreover she should be out enjoying herself. Not burdening herself. Her belief system needs a to be challenged because she’s been taught some things backwards by her mother. I am the daughter of a narcissist. She used to play me like a ventriloquists dummy. So I do know what it’s like to be manipulated.

I understand your exasperation and I know you are well intentioned and want the best for the OP.

But if she feels that people don’t understand her and are judging her, she won’t listen .

And things are not that clear cut. The OPs mum has raised 5 kids on her own , all credit to her. Now they are all adults and she has met a man who wants to be with and stat a new life. It’s understandable that she’s scared to throw away her life in the Uk and the home where she’s lived for the last 25 years.

I’m not saying that what the mother is suggesting is fair on the op or even legal, let alone ethical. But i don’t think it’s fair to say she’s a narc and the Op is a fool.

It’s not that black and white.

I hope the OP has managed to get some advice from an independent source like shelter, CAB or tenants rights.