Mum's immigrating and leaving me with the bills!! Help!

[Roundtumble]

So basically my mum's remarried & plans to move to her husband's country late next year. She says she will spend half a year in each country and so will be home for 6 months of the year BUT she wants to hand over all finances to me & put them in my name too.
This includes the rent (we live in a council house) utility bills & council tax. My teenage brother still lives at home & so I will be taking care of him also. He is a legal adult age working on his future and only recently started part time work that doesn't pay a huge amount.

I already help my mum out a lot at home (once we hit 18 we had to pay our way) paying just under half the rent & help with the utility bills and food shop. I don't begrudge it, except not having any say on how much I can afford to give every month and feeling like I had to sacrfice uni to help out at home.
She has been a great single mother to 5 children and did her utmost best to provide for us all and so now believes it's her turn to live her life and follow her dreams.
I understand all of that & want her to live the rest of her life being happy but it seems like since she has set her mind to it she has put everything else to the side including her role as a mother.
I've asked her how she expects me to pay for everything & look after my brother too. Her response was 'well I have to which she doesn't because I help out a huge deal. She says the house will be mine and so I have to foot the bills though she'll be here for 6 months of the year. When I said she'd have to help when she was here she said it'd no longer be her house, she'd just be here on holiday.

I don't know what do to or think or feel anymore. I'm pretty stressed at the moment and currently searching frantically to find a better paid job because as it is now ALL of my wage would go on bills alone.
I'm still young, 24 and trying to save towards my future business. I've always been far maturer than my age- I've been cleaning and cooking since 8, I was trusted with large amounts of money to bring to the bank, paid bills and did the food shop for then 6 people and came back by cab from age 11 & up.
If my mum goes and leaves me in this predicament I may as well forget about living my life.

I've tried to talk to her about it as have my siblings but she won't have any of it and says we are ganging up on her and don't want her to be happy.

Apologies for the long message and information all over the place but do you think I'm being unreasonable? Am I being selfish? I'm really happy my mum is following her dream but what about mine? What do I do?
Thanks for your time and any advice is appreciated.

Can the tenancy even be handed over?

When my mum left her council house to move into private I was 20 with a baby and living with her.
I wasn't allowed to stay in the house after she left.

They said tenancy could only be passed to a residing spouse or child in the event of death.

And I was already on the council waiting list and due a house! But they would not allow me to stay.

A UK resident is defined as a person who has their main home in the United Kingdom, who is registered with a medical practitioner in the UK, and who has been resident in the UK for 6 months out of the last 12.

She will still be considered a Uk resident if she returns for 6 months each time she comes back. Therefore, it seems likely that she is still eligible to hold the tenancy on the house, so long as the rent is paid regularly etc.
It's highly likely that you will not be allowed to transfer the tenancy into your own name, but this would be easy enough to check via Shelter etc. Also check whether your mother can rent out a room to a lodger- a quick look on google looks like she may be able to do this with the written consent of the Council. The written consent is crucial!
You need to work out what it would cost for you and your brother to both rent in the private sector, and how this compares with staying where you are, with a lodger paying a market rent for your area, and a share of all the bills.
I suspect that it will be cheaper for you and your brother to stay in the house with a lodger. It will most certainly be the most secure for you both- it is so easy for young people to become homeless these days.
Your brother is 18 I think? Is there any reason he doesn't work full time? I think he needs to find a full time job so he can pay his way with rent and bills.
I think you're going to have to just suck up your mum returning to the home for six months at a time, as it's likely she needs to do this to meet the criteria to remain a legal tenant. I'd tell her she'll have to pay her way while here, and get a job herself. Don't let her take control of the rent paid by the lodger! Also, give the lodger the bigger room so you can get maximum rent for it, and let your mother have the smaller one.
Please do everything you can to keep this tenancy in your family. It really is the most secure thing for you and your brother, even if it's not an ideal situation with your mum expecting to live rent free for half the year!

I should have stressed that it's very likely that the house needs to be your mum's main residence. I'm not sure whether the council would view her having a husband who lives in another country as that being her main home. I don't know though whether you have to declare the fact that she's now married?
I suggest you take your mother with you to any appointments you have with Shelter or CAB as it may help her to see things more fairly and objectively

Has she told the council about transferring to your name? And don't for a second feel guilty, this is her decision, it shouldn't be up to you to house her when she feels like coming back

your mother sounds like she's being incredibly thoughtless

What is the cost of the rent?
What council tax band are you in?
How much is private rent a room/1 bed flat/2 bed flat?

In the area I live most 4 bed council houses are in council tax band A as council flats. Whereas 2 bed private flats are band C. It is down to the value in 1990 or 1991 (can’t remember the exact date). Newer properties are added at their assumed value. Council houses are far cheaper than private rent - and not rocketing as fast.

Gas and electric will be more in a 4 bed. However a flat really isn’t going to save much in this area plus you have no garden so may end up using your tumble drier far more.

Rent a room is ok but depends on who you rent with - I know one woman who had to listen to the man below regularly attack his girlfriend and then get dragged off by the police. Her 6 month tenancy meant she couldn’t afford to leave - she hated using the shared kitchen and bathroom as she was scared of him.

It may be vastly different in other areas, I would do my research before going anywhere near the council office.

Can your brother work full time?

I'm surprised the council would consider transferring a tenancy for a four bedroom house to a single person when the original tenant is going off abroad.

I think our council only allows transfer of tenancies if you were living their with the named person for the twelve months before they died but I may be out of date.

in this area children have gone on as joint tenants to enable them to do right to buy. Also parents have been removed from a joint tenancy with a child to enable right to buy. I understand this is different but you would assume similar rules as the added child gets the discount.

* I've thought about doing that but feel guilty that I'd leave her with no home to come back to. As for my brother, I know he's my my responsibility per se but he is my younger brother and needs to know that some one is here for him.*

You have been given good advice. However if this is how you feel then I don't think there is any point giving you further help as this comment means you are not going to budge.

Best I can say is good luck and learn how to budget. Your brother needs to pay his share and your mother needs to pay her third when she comes back for 6 months. There is no other way around it.

You won't get housing benefit, under 25s can't, there's very little provision. However, supporting yourself at 18 is possible, but things may have to go differently for a few years while you establish yourself. I hope you can get this sorted. Your mam sounds a lot like my dad, I cared for him for years, then when he wanted to up sticks I had to fall in line or get out.

I don't think your mother's plans have been thought out.
I don't know where you live but you wouldn't be permitted to sign over a tenancy in this borough.
I don't think she is going to do it.

Have you told her you will move out if she doesn't arrange to pay her share?
That'd would put a crimp in her ridiculous plans

id investigate the following; getting the tenancy transferred and then swapping to a 2 bed, and getting the tenancybtransferred then taking in 2 lodgers.

Absolutely no way would I be paying for a spare bedroom for your mother to live in rent free for 6 months of the year. That’s not how it works

Rent on a four-bed house with a tenancy signed twenty five years ago could easily be way less than that on a two-bed flat today from the same housing association/council.

That's assuming they even have any one-
or two-bed homes - it can actually be quite difficult to downsize through exchanges in some areas.

Blimey, how cheeky of your mum. You need to tell the council that your mum will be moving out. She can't expect to keep a council flat if she's not living in the UK! That's fraud.

Also, wil you meet the criteria for a 4-bed? Maybe you would qualify for a smaller one.

BTW you don't sound selfish at all. You sound very mature and organised. Your mum, on the other hand...

I'd go to CAB for advice.

Agree with @iBiscuit. Depends where you live in the country but we rent a one bed flat for £800 a month, a four bed council house would be cheaper than that.
Your mum absolutely cannot just leave all her responsibilities to you. I'm sorry she wants to go off and live her life but she shouldn't have had kids then.
My mother did similar (except not as bad she left me with my dad) so from the age of 14 I did everything around the house because Dad was barely home he worked 8-6 in London with an hour commute. She's now reclaimed the council house from my dad and said it's hers even though me and him kept it for her while she went travelling for six months and lived away for six years so she could have 'her time'. It's not okay op. Don't make excuses for her like I did. It meant I didn't go to uni because I was so depressed and had so much responsibility, my whole life could have been different. Focus on you, better your life because you only get one. I could be in a much better position now if my mum hadn't fucked off, don't allow her to force you to live the same life as her. She doesn't deserve an out, she chose to have kids.

You're not going to be given any council housing and if the council finds out your mother is in another country, you're all going to be evicted anyway. people on this thread going "Just get a different one!" like it's that easy!

If you can afford to rent a room, do so. DO NOT lt your mother stick you with her illegal behaviour (pretending she still lives in that house by having you pay the bills).

Iflyaway - but the op’s mother is not a great mother. What mother would do this to her daughter?

I'm pretty sure the tenancy will not be passed on to you as it's only done in that way following death or where you where already on the tenancy agreement and one person leaves.

IF they do they get swapped to a two bed flat. The rent will be much cheaper and utility costs will be too and you may be able to get housing benefit (they won't give you full housing benefit on a four bed with only two of you.)

What will your Mum do for food and money on the six months she's in the UK

So your mum expected you as a child to basically care for the household, shopping etc and now think you owe her something?

Ultimately it was her choice to have 5 kids and therefore her responsibility to care for them whether a single parent or not.

However, she's taking the piss expecting you to keep on her home for her so that she can come back to somewhere to live without responsibility of the bills for 6 months. Tell her to jog on. It's her dream to live abroad for 6 months and it's your dream not to be lumbered with a home you can't afford.

Personally I'd be inclined to speak to the council/housing association and explain what's happening. See if they'll take you in as a tenant but then do a home swap. I'm sure they've got families living in two bed flats who would live the opportunity to have a house. It's a win-win. You get a more manageable home, your brother could live with you (if you wanted him to) and another family would get the benefit of more space and more appropriate housing.

Worth looking into.

As it stands, tell your mum to stuff it. If she goes, she gives up any rights to the property and she'll have to sort herself out to come back over the summer. You don't owe her anything.

I'm not sure if this has been mentioned or not. But you should put your name on the tenancy agreement. You are allowed to do this as an adult child. I wouldn't do anything else until you have done this. I'm guessing from your previous posts your mum hasn't done this as it would appear you have been kept in the dark as to how council tenancies work.

*The daughter can have the tenancy transfered to her as long as she meets the councils criteria, it will be on their website.

Of course tenancies can be transferred , that’s what happens when one tenant dies or leaves.*

A lot of councils have stopped doing this. I don't know of one in the whole county that lets adult children succeed to a tenancy, even when the parent tenant dies. They'll treat an adult child or surviving spouse/partner as a "tolerated trespasser" and rehouse them in a smaller property, generally.

If I was in the OP's position and had the opportunity to get the tenancy, I'd bite the council's hand off. Then she can either downsize (a lot of councils will give a financial incentive to do this) or have lodgers to defray some of the rent. Her brother could claim housing benefit if he can't afford the rent he has to pay her.

I daresay there are parts of country where council rents aren't significantly cheaper than private rents, but where I live, you'd pay around £75 pw for a one-bed council place as opposed to around £175 pw for a private rental.

You won't get housing benefit, under 25s can't, there's very little provision.

Under 25s can get housing benefit if they are estranged from their parents. And you can't get much more estranged than your mother having fucked off to live in another country!

It's such a sad endictment of today's society, or maybe just MN, that the first response of most here to this situation is focused all on what benefits and other state-funded handouts the OP can get, rather than all the ways this 24 year old adult and her adult brother could work, create, move, earn and live independently through reaping the results of their own endeavours, which could be far, far greater than any taxpayer-funded existence.