Mum's immigrating and leaving me with the bills!! Help!

[Roundtumble]

So basically my mum's remarried & plans to move to her husband's country late next year. She says she will spend half a year in each country and so will be home for 6 months of the year BUT she wants to hand over all finances to me & put them in my name too.
This includes the rent (we live in a council house) utility bills & council tax. My teenage brother still lives at home & so I will be taking care of him also. He is a legal adult age working on his future and only recently started part time work that doesn't pay a huge amount.

I already help my mum out a lot at home (once we hit 18 we had to pay our way) paying just under half the rent & help with the utility bills and food shop. I don't begrudge it, except not having any say on how much I can afford to give every month and feeling like I had to sacrfice uni to help out at home.
She has been a great single mother to 5 children and did her utmost best to provide for us all and so now believes it's her turn to live her life and follow her dreams.
I understand all of that & want her to live the rest of her life being happy but it seems like since she has set her mind to it she has put everything else to the side including her role as a mother.
I've asked her how she expects me to pay for everything & look after my brother too. Her response was 'well I have to which she doesn't because I help out a huge deal. She says the house will be mine and so I have to foot the bills though she'll be here for 6 months of the year. When I said she'd have to help when she was here she said it'd no longer be her house, she'd just be here on holiday.

I don't know what do to or think or feel anymore. I'm pretty stressed at the moment and currently searching frantically to find a better paid job because as it is now ALL of my wage would go on bills alone.
I'm still young, 24 and trying to save towards my future business. I've always been far maturer than my age- I've been cleaning and cooking since 8, I was trusted with large amounts of money to bring to the bank, paid bills and did the food shop for then 6 people and came back by cab from age 11 & up.
If my mum goes and leaves me in this predicament I may as well forget about living my life.

I've tried to talk to her about it as have my siblings but she won't have any of it and says we are ganging up on her and don't want her to be happy.

Apologies for the long message and information all over the place but do you think I'm being unreasonable? Am I being selfish? I'm really happy my mum is following her dream but what about mine? What do I do?
Thanks for your time and any advice is appreciated.

I think you and your brother probably need advice from organisations with expertise in housing rights and regulations, such as Shelter.

If you can get the tenancy transferred into your name, would it be possible to then negotiate a swap with the local authority so you can move from a 3 bedroom to a 2 bedroom house? This should bring the costs down, and as you'd be moving out of your mum's house she won't feel the same degree of 'ownership'.

Can you swop for a smaller cheaper council property?

Why is it always the daughters in big families who get lumbered with mothering younger siblings?

You never asked to be born and your brother is your mums responsibility. Yes she's allowed to be happy but she's taking the piss. Do not sacrifice your life for her happiness. Look for a flat share sharpish.

Six month holiday? pfft she's having a laugh surely.

If you can find a cheaper tenancy elsewhere for you, and your brother (if he is willing to split the bills), please move out. You are 24, old enough to support yourself and not be shackled to your mother's council house and demands. She expected you and your siblings to pay from age 18 but has the cheek to think she can freeload off you six months a year??

@Roundtumble are you sure she'll come back for 6 months? Will she stick to that for the rest of her life? Is she going to get another job or live off both families every 6 months?

for the sake of your own future - move right now. It doesn't matter where or how rubbish it is, move out before she can put the tenancy in your name.

No; don’t accept this. Massively unfair to you. You’re 24, your siblings are not your problem - with all due respect they’re hers!

You can’t possibly use all of your income on the bills! You won’t be able to survive that way, barely affording life and being extremely stressed all the time. At 24 you probably have your own goals and social life you’d rather pay for, not your mother’s house. What happens in an emergency or if something urgently needs replacing - how can you afford to sort these issues out when 100% of your income is spent on bills each month?? You simply can’t afford it right now and it will be mentally straining.

She can’t physically force the transfer of the tenancy and the bills in your name. I would tell her it’s not happening as you will never sign, and so you’re not paying them. She can still chose to leave but the aftermath and her ‘holiday home’ will be her problem. That might be unfair but so is the ultimatum she’s giving you.

I threaten that if she transfers it, you would sell and move somewhere cheaper or if she’s here she has to pay the same rent - she won’t be coming back for any ‘6 month holiday’.

You can probably move out into a cheap house share while you build your savings up - might be worth it just to be free of her control. You’re already paying for rent and food etc and working anyway?

I'm conflicted! I know once it's gone it's gone and this house has been in the family for nearly 25 years but I don't know how I'd afford it! I've got a lot to think about.

Go to the council and ask for an exchange for a 2 bed flat for you and your brother. They will bite your hand off as you must be in a 3-4 bed already.

You will save on rent, council tax and bills.

I’m assuming the tenancy will be in your name as your mother will be permanently living abroad and only here on holiday.

Don’t give up your secure tenancy in social housing for a private sector flat share.

I second whoever said: talk to Shelter, or Citizens' Advice. There may be options you hadn't thought of, including a house swap via the council, or tax credits if you are effectively supporting your younger brother, or housing benefit, even.
Your mother doesn't get to 'follow her dreams' at your expense, but your best bet is to make sure you know all the facts before telling her what's actually going to happen...

I would get some housing advice from someone like Shelter. If the council tenancy can be transferred to your name then you may be able to then swap to a smaller, cheaper property, which would still give you the security of a council tenancy but be affordable.

I'd rent her room out, covers some of your costs and then she can find somewhere else to stay for her holiday, but mean spirited of me but I'd be pretty cross.

Take the tenancy, if they will allow the transfer (not in any way guaranteed), then exchange to a smaller place, two bedroom, for you and DB! Then she will have nowhere to stay, but that is what happens when you move abroad. She cannot go, then come back and live with you for free. That is utterly ridiculous. You are ridiculous for even contemplating it.

@Ponderlane I'm not sure about every 6 months but definitely the first few years or so. And to the other person who asked about if her dh would be coming also. I don't think so. And if so not for so long

So for 6 months of the year you will be expected to support her and her new husband? (Or is it just her?). Either way, bugger that for a game of soldiers!
Firstly I'd be surprised if she signs the tenancy over. Secondly, it will always her "her" house, even if you pay the rent. By all means find somewhere with your brother, or do as a pp suggested ad try to get the tenancy and then a swap.
I can't imagine asking this of my child, it seems to selfish to me.

I agree with Kr1st1na, I wouldn't give up secure housing easily

A two bed fkatcwould be the ideal solution

Leave. she'll be up to all sorts of dodginess next, like asking you to pretend she is there all the time so she can use the NHS. don't get involved.

Is it a secure tenancy though? If it is in the mothers name then the council might not be willing to either transfer it to OP or to downsize if the property is too large. If Neither OP or her brother are entitled to council property for themselves then if the council know the mother has left they would be within their rights to take the property back.

You might be able to get a newer housing association flat, which will be cheaper to run . The council usually have nomination rights to a proportion of HA lets. So you will get a new smalll flat and a large family will get your 4 bed house.

I'd move out.

Don't feel guilty about leaving her without somewhere to come back to. It is her choice to leave in the first place, she can't expect everyone to put their lives on hold on a whim for her.

With your brother, you aren't abandoning him, you are living your life. He is also an adult and can live his life. As you both have jobs I assume you won't be leaving the area, you can still have a close relationship and support each other without living together.

Do not let her ruin your life any further. You have missed out on your childhood essentially having to play a parent role from a very young age. You have given up uni to support her and your siblings. You did not make the choice for her to get pregnant and have your siblings, you are not their parent and are not responsible for them no matter how much your mother has made you believe you are over the years.

Frankly it sounds like you have contributed significantly more to the household than any other member over the past few years. You deserve your time.

You say you have 3 other siblings, as they don't live at home I assume they have left, moved on, and don't contribute financially or otherwise with giving up on their ambitions for your mothers whims?

Your post makes me think of a friend who at almost 30 is still at home supporting her mum financially and in every other aspect despite the rest of her siblings flying the nest long ago. She feels trapped and is incredibly resentful but now her mum is in ill health and she feels she can't leave. Don't be like her. Take the chance whilst you have it.

@Kr1st1na
You are the second person on here to tell me not to give up the council house.

Yes, it's a 4 bedroom house. I told my mum I may have to downsize and she said it wouldn't really do anything to put a dent in the cost so may as well keep this one.
I definitely have to start looking into options soon!

How old is your brother? He’s an adult but you need to look after him? No, no, no. You are young, starting out in life and wanting / needing to make your own choices. It’s not fair of your mum to expect you do do everything she wants on the shaky premise she might come home for six months each year and will need somewhere to live. And do you really think she’ll come back and it will be just like she is on holiday?
No, go and spread your wings and live your life.

If the tenancy is changed into your name then I’d keep the house and rent out the other two bedrooms to friends.

The daughter can have the tenancy transfered to her as long as she meets the councils criteria, it will be on their website.

Of course tenancies can be transferred , that’s what happens when one tenant dies or leaves.

I'd be surprised if you can find somewhere cheaper than a council house to live.

IF she can sign it over to you, then I'd take it on and then go on homeswapper and look to downsize to one you and your brother can manage together.