Mum's immigrating and leaving me with the bills!! Help!

[Roundtumble]

So basically my mum's remarried & plans to move to her husband's country late next year. She says she will spend half a year in each country and so will be home for 6 months of the year BUT she wants to hand over all finances to me & put them in my name too.
This includes the rent (we live in a council house) utility bills & council tax. My teenage brother still lives at home & so I will be taking care of him also. He is a legal adult age working on his future and only recently started part time work that doesn't pay a huge amount.

I already help my mum out a lot at home (once we hit 18 we had to pay our way) paying just under half the rent & help with the utility bills and food shop. I don't begrudge it, except not having any say on how much I can afford to give every month and feeling like I had to sacrfice uni to help out at home.
She has been a great single mother to 5 children and did her utmost best to provide for us all and so now believes it's her turn to live her life and follow her dreams.
I understand all of that & want her to live the rest of her life being happy but it seems like since she has set her mind to it she has put everything else to the side including her role as a mother.
I've asked her how she expects me to pay for everything & look after my brother too. Her response was 'well I have to which she doesn't because I help out a huge deal. She says the house will be mine and so I have to foot the bills though she'll be here for 6 months of the year. When I said she'd have to help when she was here she said it'd no longer be her house, she'd just be here on holiday.

I don't know what do to or think or feel anymore. I'm pretty stressed at the moment and currently searching frantically to find a better paid job because as it is now ALL of my wage would go on bills alone.
I'm still young, 24 and trying to save towards my future business. I've always been far maturer than my age- I've been cleaning and cooking since 8, I was trusted with large amounts of money to bring to the bank, paid bills and did the food shop for then 6 people and came back by cab from age 11 & up.
If my mum goes and leaves me in this predicament I may as well forget about living my life.

I've tried to talk to her about it as have my siblings but she won't have any of it and says we are ganging up on her and don't want her to be happy.

Apologies for the long message and information all over the place but do you think I'm being unreasonable? Am I being selfish? I'm really happy my mum is following her dream but what about mine? What do I do?
Thanks for your time and any advice is appreciated.

Your mum is moving abroad with a new partner, and wishes to keep a 'pied a terre.' Which isn't hers. And she can't afford. and she requires you to keep it. And house your brother.

Ummm no thanks

I think you have had far too much to do all your life and your mother is still using you as a meal ticket.
Don't agree to her plan.It benefits only her.

I can't help but think your mum is hedging her bets a bit and trying to make sure she has some where to come back to if it all goes wrong?

Anyway, I had a similar-but-different situation many years ago and I know then that the only way a council tenancy could be transferred was if you were a joint tenant for at least six months(?) beforehand (So you and your mum on the rent card) and then it could be transferred to a single tenancy after that. I have no idea whether it's still the same, but it's worth bearing in mind.

've thought about doing that but feel guilty that I'd leave her with no home to come back to.

Don't feel guilty. It's her choice to move abroad. If she wants a home in the UK to come back to, she needs to make arrangements to pay for it. She cannot expect you to bankrupt yourself for this.

Gosh. The amount of poor advice on this thread.

OP, firstly, you may not have the 'right to succeed' the tenancy. You say the house has been 'in your family' for 25 years? The laws & policues on housing have vastly changed.

It may be that a housing association now owns your house. Your mother leaving the tenancy is a separate issue in its entirety. As the property is social housing (regardless of who owns the home) you will be subject to paying bedroom tax were you to allowed to succeed following her departure.

If your mother leaves her home, and you need to be clear on this, you really need to speak with the housing team at your local authority. Your mother leaving could see you and your brother at risk of homelessness. I would certainly be speaking to Shelter and their legal service on this matter.

As for your mother, I am not in her shoes, but at face value, what a reckless state of affairs. It is not your turn because she has done it for years. It is a reckless effort at grabbing what she feels is now her life as her children make their way as adults. Fair enough, but she is not truly thinking this through. She still has a child who is a minor in the eyes of the law.

I do hope you will seek advice and not take it for granted you will have the property transferred to you. That may well NOT happen.

Wishing you the very best.

Assuming you decide ypu want the house - Look up 'assignment to would be successor'. Assuming no previous succession to the tenancy your Mum can transfer to you and I believe council can't make you downsize as they would for a normal succession. Get advice though from Shelter or CAB!

I don't think it's an option for your Mum to remain on the tenancy but to be out of the country for half the year. You must decide whether or not to take over this particular tenancy (if that's even possible) or find somewhere else to live. When she signs over all the bills to you then it becomes your home and she no longer has the right to live there.

Why should you feel guilty. She either stays here and keeps her house going and faces up to her responsibilities or she leaves and gives up her house. Don't let her get away with this arrangement that your house becomes her holiday home for half the year.

I think the right to transfer only goes to one person, so a couple splitting the tenancy would transfer to one parent, they can not them transfer to a child. Same goes for a deceased partner.

You need advise and quick, know your facts so you can make clear decisions

Move out now into a house share with others your age and have some fun. You aren't your brothers carer or the caretaker if your mums home. Your mum is selfish.

www.hillingdon.gov.uk/article/4633/Passing-your-tenancy-to-someone-else-assignment Clear guide here to assignment. Doesn't matter which council as its a statutoey right as long as your Mum has a secure tenancy under the 1985 act and no previous sucessions. Interestingly, intent to return every 6 months and leaving kids in the property may keep security of tenure even if you can't assign. Risky though and if the council find out you will likely have to defend possession proceedings. nearlylegal.co.uk/2011/12/home-realistically-and-objectively/ see this case for example.

Mc180768 how ironic that you come on to complain about the poor advice being given to OP then give her more that is totally wrong!

OP the "bedroom tax" would only apply if you were claiming full housing benefit because you are in receipt of certain other benefits.

As you would be working and paying full rent yourself (or possibly splitting with your brother but certainly not relying on HB to pay your rent) the bedroom tax would not apply to you and is totally irrelevant to you.

Mother goes abroad.

Daughter keeps and pays for house and also parents her brother.

Mother brings back 22 year old husband found in a popular Brit holiday hot-spot for long holidays. They don't work, or cook or clean because they are on holly-day. Then fucks off back to Turkey when the weather's shit again.

Yeah, sounds like a good deal op.

My mum used to treat me a bit like this. Not as badly but very similar - caring for siblings, helping too much round the house from a very young age, giving most of my money.

Honestly move out now. You need to get some space. You can still be emotionally supportive and even to an extent financially supportive to your brother from a distance. In fact you can probably be more financially helpful to your brother if needed if you live in a house share somewhere cheaper and have more money available.

You haven't been mature from a young age because you particularly are special and mature, it's because she made you be. I don't know about you but being the 'good' one, the 'helpful' one, the 'mature' one was how I got esteem and love but it was all part of being controlled.

You are not your brothers parent. You have been forced to adopt that role as your mother has not taken it on the way she should. I wonder if this website will ring any bells for you. Also it's a bit airy fairy for some but useful at its core:
this article and the website in general was useful to me.

Where are you in all this?

id never in a million years remain in contact with a mother who thinks any of that is ok.

She’s giving you a council house which in the renting world is peanuts.
I would say take it. Yes it will be hard but it will make your life better in the long run. Your brother will get a real job soon enough and move out and even if he has a part time one he should help you out abit.
I honestly think u should take the tenancy if you were to leave you would be worst off.
Also if there is extra room can you not find someone to move in to help cover costs

StaplesCorner

I understand op doesn’t want to see her brother homeless. However, he is still not her problem. Support to find a student rental, yes, advise him to get a housing loan, housing benefit etc, yes, encouragement to get a pt job, yes. House him, no.

Roundtumble
What your mother is suggesting is despicable and is showing complete contempt toward you as her daughter. Right now she is not acting as a good mother. She is thinking with her fanny.

I also think she intends to attempt to keep the tenancy in her name and expect you to pay for her lifestyle. I assume this would be fraudulent and you and your brother could be prosecuted and made homeless. No no no.

As others have said, please go and see shelter, find out the criteria for succession. If you can take over the tenancy and downsize and that is what you decide to do, great. Be careful if you have to take joint tenancy with your mother first for a certain period of time as suggested upthread in case you mother then blocks you from taking over full tenancy thus preventing you from rescinding the tenancy on the 4 bed.

Please don’t be blackmailed. And whatever happens, don’t allow your mother to return you your home rent free for 6 months of the year. Remain strong

I would move out because 1) what she's doing is unconscionable 2) if you stay there she will always think of it as her house and come and go as she pleases. She wants to transfer bills and responsibilities to you but not rights.
Do not feel guilty about leaving her with no where to stay. This is her choice, she is a grown up and needs to figure out housing without relying on her young daughter.
You can still be there for your brother without being his parent.
Move out, go to uni, be young, free and unburden yourself. None of this is your responsibility.

She has been a great single mother to 5 children and did her utmost best to provide for us all

I've always been far maturer than my age- I've been cleaning and cooking since 8, I was trusted with large amounts of money to bring to the bank, paid bills and did the food shop for then 6 people and came back by cab from age 11 & up.

Well those two statements contradict one another. She hasn't been quite as great as she's trained to believe she has.

When I hear someone say they were behaving like a little adult as a young child I see a child who was expected to behave like an adult as a child. That's is not good parenting.

My teenage brother still lives at home & so I will be taking care of him also. He is a legal adult age working on his future and only recently started part time work that doesn't pay a huge amount

And now she wants to bail on her responsibilities to your brother, who may be 18 but he clearly isn't ready or able to be financially independent yet, and foist the burden onto you. All the while making sure she keeps her home so she can swan in and out of the country as she pleases.

While you could easily leave and rent your own place or share with a friend, I think it would be awfully unfair on your brother if you lost your council tenancy.

At only 18 he will not be earning enough to rent anywhere decent and could end up in a house share situation which is rarely as fun as it sounds unless you are at uni or renting with young professionals.

He's likely to be pushed towards some really dodgy people in grotty places, or a hostel fully of druggies and alcoholics and people with mental health problems, or end up homeless. That's the reality for young men with no family or financial support. As a young single person with no decent income and no children it's very, very hard to get decent, safe housing.

I think you need to do everything you can to keep hold of your council tenancy. Go to CAB and ask about your options. Could you consider keeping your tenancy but doing an exchange for a smaller place? That way the two of you keep a roof over your heads but don't have to pay costs on a bigger place than you need. And your mother and her husband will have to make other plans when they visit. I know it will be a shame to lose the only home you've ever known but in this case it seems like the best solution.

It would be great if you could stay where you are and sublet the two spare rooms but I doubt its legal and do you want the stress of being found out and punished for it?

wow. YOU SOUND GREAT not!

Ever had a child you raised alone for 27 years? Guess not....

So easy maybe in your reality.

We are great mothers by the way on Mumsnet. Whatever our situation.

Stop being so defensive. It would be great if all mothers were great mothers, but sadly it's not true. I really hate this trope that all single mothers are heroic, selfless martyrs and superwomen. Many are, many are not.

The OP has given enough background that I am quite comfortable with saying that her mother doesn't come across as a really great mum, in spite of what the OP has been conditioned to think otherwise by a woman who loves to tell her children how hard she's had it.

Two seperate issues here:
Your Mum’s belief that you should financially support her by paying for her share housing all year round to allow her to live rent free for 6 months each year
And
The tenancy.

Where I live council or HA tenancies are like gold dust, are much cheaper than private renting (for the same size) and free you from finding deposits, and the insecurity of private lets. So I would not be thinking of moving out now without exploring my options.

However, your Mum sounds very behind the times in her thinking that she can just sign the tenancy of a 4 bed place into the name of her single childless daughter.

Seek advice, now. Shelter is a good place to start. They can tell you your council’s policy.

The answer may help you with the first issue. You can hardly host your Mum for 6 months if they re-house you in a two-bed flat, can you??

If you can get a tenancy for both you and your brother, find out whether he would be entitled to housing benefit for his share if he is not earning enough (or he can get another p/t job in addition).

It all sounds very odd anyway: why does she want to live apart from her new DH for six months of the year?

She decides to emigrate: fine but she has no right to make unilateral decisions about what you do now or once she has gone.

Poster MC280768 below gives the most knowledgable advice on council tenancies.

I believe your mother may be able to add you to the tenancy but she cannot just hand it over to you.

If I were you I would move out xx

Please look at your options.
The tenancy will not be transferred to you - you can only succeed a tenancy on death if there have been no other previous successions.
If the landlord knows that your mother is not using it as her main and principle home - I bet is that the council will take back the property - wand they gave no legal duty to rehouse you or your brother as you are both over 18.
The best option here is the* hang on to the property and look at having lodgers to help you out financially until you are ready thanks* move on and do something for yourself.
Also your mother proving it is still her principle home will be difficult if she dies.** It gave any income from this country. Whether work or benefits.
This situation or similar happens very often in many cultures and I find that the adult children just keep quiet and use the opportunity to save until they can move into their own home or until the landlord evicts them. But they will not put the flat in your name. I understand it's your family home but There is a shortage of housing and they will be in their legal rights to take it back if the legal tenant is not living there. So be careful and seek advice now before your mum takes off.

Also your mother proving it is still her principle home will be difficult if she dies.*

Sorry I meant. Also your mother proving it is still her principle home will be difficult if she does not have record of any income in this country - whether benefits or work"

If the council allow the tenancy to be put in your name then you may be entitled to some housing benefit to help pay the rent if its too much. Also once the house is in your name you can exchange it for a 1 or even 2 bed flat somewhere that you can afford.