Seat for pregnant woman on the train

[Bobbiepin]

DH came home and told me about what happened on the train, I have my opinion on this but would like to get others'.

DH was sat in the middle of the carriage, every seat was full, with women sitting in the priority seats. A pregnant woman got on at a later stop and a standing man told DH to stand. DH said that the women in the priority seats should give up their seat, as they are in the priority seats and closest to the woman rather than her moving half way down the carriage.

This man (who wasn't travelling with pregnant woman) then proceeded to shout at my DH telling him he should be ashamed of himself & 'Don't you know what chivalry is?'

DH responded that he believed in equality and that there's nothing wrong with asking a woman (especially ones in priority seats) to give up their seat. He did give the woman his seat but was a bit put out by the whole experience.

Was he BU by expecting that anyone could give up a seat? Or should he have moved without a fuss just because he is a man?

He's right in theory but really he should have just got up. Did he actually sit there arguing while pregnant women stood around?

How did your DH know that the people in the priority seats didn't need them?

Everyone expects people to move but nobody wants to move themselves is often the problem

He's right but and it's a huge but I would never have to be asked to move for a pregnant person and think it's pretty shitty that in a full train only 1 person was happy to give up their seat.

I would probably have asked the general carriage 'Will someone give up a priority seat if they don't need it?'. If there was no response, I would have got up for the lady.

Women do need to vacate priority seats if they don't need them, but having said that, long live chivalry too.

He argued about equality on the train? He sounds a bit pious, but not wrong in theory. I'm not sure I would have argued in his position, he probably looked like a bit of an eejit

I think your DH was technically correct but hardly acting kindly and generously

I would have offered up my seat wherever I was sitting to a pregnant lady if I was physically capable, irregardless of me being male or female. Nothing to do with equality or chivalry, more just being a decent human being!

I think anyone who didn't get up for a visually pregnant women should be ashamed of themselves and how did your dh know the women sat in the priority seat didn't have a disabillity ?

Your dh didn't know the women in the priority seats didn't need them. While I think it's rude that someone unrelated to the pregnant women demanded the seat in an aggressive manner I think he should have just got up. Especially as the pregnant women didn't make any indication that she was OK standing and clearly needed the seat as she took it.

I don't see why the pregnant woman needed a man to speak for her.

He must have been the only person on the train without music blaring through headphones. Most people don't hear or notice a thing for blasting music into their ears from their phones, much less have a conversation about equality.

How did he know the people using it didn't need it?

@tinysparklyshoes I get the impression that the whole exchange took a minute or two and DH gave up his seat anyway. He was frustrated as it was his first day back at work after paternity leave & he was always fussing about people giving me a seat.

@lalalalyra that is true, I think it was just that none of them were asked, this man just assumes that DH should get up because he's a man

You DH had no way of knowing whether the woman in the priority seat needed it or not. By directing attention to her, he risked a situation where she was forced to declare a hidden disability she’d rather not discuss with a bunch of strangers.

Meanwhile both he and the other man both embarrassed the pregnant woman.

It’s not a matter of sex, but I’d be extremely disappointed if my spouse was a physically able adult who started an argument rather than politely give their seat to someone who needed it.

I think sitting there arguing made him look like a bit of a tit to be honest.

I don't get why your dh quibbled rather than just giving his seat to someone more in need than him? How does he know the people in the priority seats don't need them?

Why assume the people in the priority seats weren’t genuine priorities? That’s the issue. If there were others able to get up seated earlier in the carriage than your husband then they should have moved but I don’t see why the first port of call was the priority seats.

Aren’t priority seats for elderly and or disabled people if they require them? Were these women sitting in them in either of those two groups?

I went on the train for the 1st time in over 10 years the other day with my DC and my 85 year old nan. It was packed and not 1 person offered her their seat. There was youngish people, a kid (who could have sat on adults knee) and 1 dude who had his bag on the chair and was manspreading. (I didn't notice him until we were nearly there or I would have asked him to move over). Manners are terrible and it's why I don't use public transport much.

If my sister is sitting in a priority seat, you wouldn’t know she had a disability. It’s only when she tries to get up and walk that it’s apparent she has huge mobility issues (has Parkinson’s) and wouldn’t be able to stand on a train.

So your dh ybu. He should have given the pregnant woman a seat as it’s the kind thing to do.

Nobody ever offered me a seat on the train when I was pregnant, not even when they were getting off at the next stop that was only a couple of minutes away.

Your DH should have just offered his seat as soon as it was obvious nobody closer was going to.

I need a priority seat but you wouldn't know it to look at me

My DH would have stood up without a second thought no matter where he was on the train. I find it odd your partner argued tbh

He had no way of knowing whether the women in the priority seats were disabled.
I would always give up my seat for a visibly pregnant woman and I'd expect that my dh would also.