Seat for pregnant woman on the train

[Bobbiepin]

DH came home and told me about what happened on the train, I have my opinion on this but would like to get others'.

DH was sat in the middle of the carriage, every seat was full, with women sitting in the priority seats. A pregnant woman got on at a later stop and a standing man told DH to stand. DH said that the women in the priority seats should give up their seat, as they are in the priority seats and closest to the woman rather than her moving half way down the carriage.

This man (who wasn't travelling with pregnant woman) then proceeded to shout at my DH telling him he should be ashamed of himself & 'Don't you know what chivalry is?'

DH responded that he believed in equality and that there's nothing wrong with asking a woman (especially ones in priority seats) to give up their seat. He did give the woman his seat but was a bit put out by the whole experience.

Was he BU by expecting that anyone could give up a seat? Or should he have moved without a fuss just because he is a man?

I guess from OP's post that the DH didn't have a need for a seat.
But he could have, and I can see his point that it was presumptuous of the other man to assume he didn't.

I think the person sitting in one of the priority seats and didn't give it up is actually far more rude. I see it on the tube/trains everyday. They pretend to be asleep, look busy reading the newspaper, play with their phone. I get there are hidden disabilities and other issues, but surely not everyone in a priority seat has a good reason, sometimes it's just selfishness.

I agree with Blahblahblahzeeblah in that the man asking was bu in asking OP's dh to move, presumably because he was a man. A loud 'there's a pregnant lady on the train, can someone please give up their seat?' should have been sufficent.

Would your DH argued if a woman had asked him? I wonder if he wouldn't. This was maybe an excuse for a bit of confrontation

How was his frustration due to his wanting a seat for you when you were pregnant? That makes no sense, surely that should make him pleased to give up a seat without quarreling?

I'd be a wee bit perturbed if I was singled out over other similarly able bodied people near me, but I wouldn't sit there and squabble over it.

2 minutes is really quite a long time to argue with someone about how badly a pregnant woman needs a seat. He sounds like a bit of a tit

He shouldn't have moved without fuss 'because he is a man'
He should have moved without fuss because he is an able bodied adult with a smattering of empathy and decency

I think any man who uses 'equality' as an excuse for not being commonly decent to a woman is a wanker and probably a secret misogynist to boot.

I'd be mortified if my partner agrued about the technicalities of who should give up their seat while a pregnant woman stood there.

Agree with this.

Your DH behaved like a total arse, whether the people in the priority seats needed them or were also being arses doesn't change that fact. The fact he has come home telling you like a put upon little victim doesn't help his case.

I doubt it was just his male-ness that meant he was asked, probably appearance of able bodied-ness and proximity to the standing man. I think people are more wary of asking women in priority seats as you can't always tell if they are pregnant, so could be embarrassing.

I suffer quite bad with anxiety and the thought of standing on a packed train would cause a panic attack.
If someone looked at me they wouldn't know what was going on in my head.
Basically I'm saying just because you can't see they have a health issue doesn't mean they dont

Your DH is a pompous prick, OP. I feel so sorry for you.

I would always offer myself as long as I could be reasonably sure the woman was pregnant - the difficulty is that in winter, with everyone wearing bulky coats, I'd be worried in case the woman was just naturally big and might be offended by the offer..

Did the pregnant woman want a seat?

I think that your husband was daft to say that the people on the priority seats should move as he couldn't know whether or not they were needed.

I also don't understand why the chap asked your husband-was he the nearest male with a seat?

This is annoying me..

I'm 'disabled' I have MS and epilepsy and can find standing difficult. However, your DP wasn't in the wrong. I'm sorry but the likelihood of 1 disabled people person sitting in the priority seats is low, 4 disabled people sitting in them is high unlikely. Why should a man be asked to move, just because he's a man? The OP's DH was just as likely to be sitting in his seat with a hidden disability as the women in the priority seats were. One of the women should have/should have been asked to move.

How did the man on the train know your DP didn’t need the seat, have hidden disabilities. There is no law saying you have to sit in the priority seats if you have one as far as I am aware.

I get people saying he had no way knowing that the women in the priority seat didn’t need it, but equally mr shouty surely had no way of knowing ops dh didn’t need the seat. People who need to sit can’t always sit in priority seats because sometimes they are full so just because he wasn’t sat in one didn’t mean he didn’t need a seat iyswim

I'd be mortified if my husband had made a fuss about me having a seat when pregnant a matter of weeks ago, and now made a fuss about giving up his own seat for a pregnant woman. What an enormous hypocrite.

I'm commuting at the moment at 36 weeks pregnant and would have been embarrassed by someone quibbling over who should stand up for me, I'd rather stand than have that go on. Your husband should be ashamed of himself.

How did the man know OP's DH wasn't disabled?

I'd be mortified if my partner argued about the technicalities of who should give up their seat while a pregnant woman stood there.

This.

So, it was unreasonable of the man to ask, maybe. BUT (and here's the point) the OP's DH isn't disabled. Had no reason not to stand. Yet he argued about it. Nobby behaviour

How did the man know OP's DH wasn't disabled?

Exactly. I think he was just being a bit sexist and thinks that men are more capable than women... at standing...

He's an eejit and should have just given up his seat like any normal decent person instead of arguing the toss.

I don't think the other man was unreasonable to ask - probably he picked on your DH as the healthiest-looking person in the carriage. I have done the same in the past, when I've spotted someone wearing a Baby on Board badge - picked on a healthy young man and asked him if he could give up his seat.

At least your DH got up. When I was pregnant I was reliant on public transport and only once did someone offer me their seat. One time when I was 7 months gone the train had broken down mid-journey. Not one person offered me a seat during the whole 45 minutes we were sat stationary in the middle of nowhere, so much so I had to sit on the floor. While most wouldn’t do it, he wasn’t wrong to at least mention about others in the priority seats.

How did the person asking the DH to move know that he didn't need the seat? Why did they pick on him out of a whole carriage of people?

I often sit in a priority seat when I get on the tube going to work- it’s nearly always free as my station is the first on the line- and have had to apologetically not move for other people from time to time. When people look at me they see a perfectly healthy woman in her early 30’s doing her make up who is too selfish/can’t be arsed to move for anyone else. What they don’t see is the degenerative spinal condition that makes standing for more than a few minutes, especially on moving transport, extremely painful.