Seat for pregnant woman on the train

[Bobbiepin]

DH came home and told me about what happened on the train, I have my opinion on this but would like to get others'.

DH was sat in the middle of the carriage, every seat was full, with women sitting in the priority seats. A pregnant woman got on at a later stop and a standing man told DH to stand. DH said that the women in the priority seats should give up their seat, as they are in the priority seats and closest to the woman rather than her moving half way down the carriage.

This man (who wasn't travelling with pregnant woman) then proceeded to shout at my DH telling him he should be ashamed of himself & 'Don't you know what chivalry is?'

DH responded that he believed in equality and that there's nothing wrong with asking a woman (especially ones in priority seats) to give up their seat. He did give the woman his seat but was a bit put out by the whole experience.

Was he BU by expecting that anyone could give up a seat? Or should he have moved without a fuss just because he is a man?

He sounds like Larry David.

Right in principle...but made himself look a right tit in the process.

Not read the full thread but I would be mortified if my husband did this. I know that he (and I as well) would have got up without being asked. Manners cost nothing.

My dh would always give up his seat, make our quite big dc get up or share a seat. I would too, it would bother me that someone was in discomfort. I wouldn't look to someone else to give up their seat. Ever.

why should men let woman out first why should men hold doors open for women why are they expected to stand and be the first ones to offer their sits.

Why do a lot of woman only shout and scream for equality only when it disadvantages them but quite happy to accept it when they benefit from it ?

Eg car insurance woman's are cheaper because they are safer drivers statistically but why isn't woman health insurance more expensive because pregnancy and a lot of female only things (aka conception etc) can be most of the time is expensive and men will never have to go through but insurance companies are not allowed to charge women more to cover these legitimate extra experiences because its sexist to charge people more simply due to sex (expect if its men that have to pay more that is).

For God’s sake.

Someone asked him to stand up for a pregnant woman, and he argued about it?

What a prince among men.

why isn't woman health insurance more expensive because pregnancy and a lot of female only things (aka conception etc) can be most of the time is expensive and men will never have to go through

Statistically, men as a group engage in a lot more risk-taking behaviour than women: fast/dangerous driving, contact sports, physical occupations, fighting, extreme sports. This counteracts the ‘not giving birth’ thing.

Trust me, insurance companies have done their calculations. They’re not giving women some kind of break.

Your DH WBU. I've told this story loads of times on here:

I was 8.5 months pregnant, travelling on a bus will DD then nearly 4 and standing DH. An elderly woman got on, another woman expected either myself or DD to stand. I pointed out that I was pregnant, I'd made it very obvious with a "Does my bump look big in this?" tshirt, as people didn't seem to notice either the bump or the badge. The woman then expected DD to sit on my lap. I looked at my protruding belly and just said, "Where?" DH and another woman were laughing loudly at the entitledness of this woman, she then started berating them. I again explained my situation. She said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to those 2 plebs over there." I said, "One of those plebs happens to be my husband." I was entitled to my seat as much as the elderly woman was, and really couldn't have kept my balance, neither could DD, and there was no room on my lap.

Ooo your partner sounds like an arse. Getting up immediately was the only non-arsey reaction and he didn't do that.

DH should've offered pregnant lady his seat. I've bought DS up to offer seats to older people and women. I've also given up my seat for old men.

It's not sexist, it's a nice gesture imo.

I’m astonished at some of the responses on here, suggesting that your DH is a ‘twat’. How did the other man know your DH didn’t have a mobility issue? I highly doubt that all of the priority seats were taken by people with hidden disabilities.

How did the other man know your DH didn’t have a mobility issue?

He didn’t. He (reasonably) expected that the DH would say so if that was the case.

I highly doubt that all of the priority seats were taken by people with hidden disabilities.

So do I, but it’s not really the point. If people are sitting in priority seats, you have to operate on the assumption that they need them.

Logically, you’re not going to ask somebody already in a priority seat (thereby indicating that they need one) to move for a pregnant woman. Surely the logic is obvious.

I mean, seriously: if someone asked me to give my seat to a pregnant woman, I wouldn’t sit there arguing about who they should’ve asked instead, I’d just bloody stand up (if I could).

It’s basic manners, and I don’t think sexism has anything to do with it.

How did the man know DH didn't have a hidden disability ?

He didn't, but the OP's chippy DH DID know that he (chippy DH) didn't have a disability. And yet he got grumpy about standing up

Moreover he (chippy DH) didn't know any of the women in the priority seats didn't have a hidden disability. And yet he (chippy DH) chose to single them out

Three wrongs don't make a right.

Nailed it.

why isn't woman health insurance more expensive because pregnancy and a lot of female only things (aka conception etc) can be most of the time is expensive and men will never have to go through

Usually men have some input when it comes to the conception?? Perhaps health insurers realise this??!!

Therefore im sure it would fairly be reflected in both costs of insurance.

I do think that your husband was wrong to mention the priority seats.

But I would have got grumpy about being singled out from a carriage full of people!

Might even have told the seat police that I needed my seat & perhaps it would be easier if someone closer stood up.

Should it just be a man's responsibility or would equality dictate that anyone able should have moved?

Equality dictates that the most able move first. In most cases men are more able/stronger/taller so should move first.

Also what happens at the next stop if she has been given a priority seat and a wc user gets on?

I don't think priority seats make a difference in practice. Rule of thumb - if you're sitting down next to a pregnant woman / person on crutches etc, stand up straight away. If you're 3 or 4 seats away then you can leave it 10 seconds to see if anyone closer gets up!
Your DH should have got up straight away when asked - then he's free to have the argument about equality afterwards (as long as he can do it without making it sounds like he resents getting up).
Incidentally as a short woman I'm happy to accept help from bigger blokes in carrying very heavy things because that's actually easier for them. But I'm just as able to stand up on a train, sashh!

Of course Cromwell didn't "nail it." This man wasn't embarrassed about his ridiculous "equality" speech - he went home and moaned to his wife about having to give up his seat, who was so outraged on his behalf she came on here.

* why isn't woman health insurance more expensive because pregnancy and a lot of female only things (aka conception etc) can be most of the time is expensive and men will never have to go through*

Because the vast vast majority of health insurance policies don't cover pregnancy and childbirth

And more importantly, for many years, it has been illegal for insurers to use sex as a factor when pricing policies
Hence car insurance went up in the mid 2000s for lots of women when insurers were no longer allowed to give a discount to women to reflect that they are statistically less likely to be in an accident

I never sit in priority seats, prefer to stand and leave them empty (though last time I did a couple of teenagers sat in them), also I was quite capable of standing when I was pregnant and regularly did on a bus to give an elderly person my seat.

Having said that I wouldn't have argued like your DH did but I do wish people would speak for themselves.

As far as I know no one asked the priority seat people so I have no idea if they genuinely needed the seats

I should hope they didn't ask!

I would have just gotten up and offered my seat, it's common decency, nothing to do with anyone else or equality. How did he know the ladies in the priority seat didn't need them?

Daily Mail Readers are Thick: Are you a Daily Mail reader, and are you therefore thick? People often moan and get defensive about situations where they know they haven't been in the right and yet they've ploughed on. I've already said that the OP's husband shouldn't have blethered on about equality. He also knows he shouldn't have blethered on about equality. He reacted badly to the officious twat singling him out of all the carriage who were remaining firmly glued to their seats (probably hadn't even looked up from their papers/books/phones) for a loud public lesson in manners. Lots of people react badly to public reprimand from total strangers, and then proceed to make matters worse rather than better.

As for the people saying they would have leapt from their seats without being asked, what with being so hyperalert to the needs of others, I can only assume they have much more pleasant commutes than everyone I know. The morning trains are so jam-packed it's hard to see anyone, (London Overground) and the evening trains (this is Southern out of London Bridge, so pretty awful) are late, cancelled, crowded and full of people who are tired and stressed. No wonder people just sink down into a seat if they can find one and zone out.
Not to say that people don't offer seats, that happens plentifully (still) - but I think in general people on commuter trains are more knackered, less attuned to those around them, and take longer to get the cues.

This thread is hilarious, it's like we've gone back to the 1930s..

I'm just staggered by the line "Equality dictates that the most able move first. In most cases men are more able/stronger/taller so should move first."

Do people seriously believe men have a competitive edge when it comes to simply standing up?

This thread will be on the Daily Mail website before the day is out being used as ammunition by the sort of idiots who think a women's place is in the home...

Apart from the priority seats I assume there were people nearer to the women who could have given up seats. Not sure why your husband was nominated.