Seat for pregnant woman on the train

[Bobbiepin]

DH came home and told me about what happened on the train, I have my opinion on this but would like to get others'.

DH was sat in the middle of the carriage, every seat was full, with women sitting in the priority seats. A pregnant woman got on at a later stop and a standing man told DH to stand. DH said that the women in the priority seats should give up their seat, as they are in the priority seats and closest to the woman rather than her moving half way down the carriage.

This man (who wasn't travelling with pregnant woman) then proceeded to shout at my DH telling him he should be ashamed of himself & 'Don't you know what chivalry is?'

DH responded that he believed in equality and that there's nothing wrong with asking a woman (especially ones in priority seats) to give up their seat. He did give the woman his seat but was a bit put out by the whole experience.

Was he BU by expecting that anyone could give up a seat? Or should he have moved without a fuss just because he is a man?

As far as I know no one asked the priority seat people so I have no idea if they genuinely needed the seats, but on a rush hour train its a 50/50 chance. I agree that DH should have given up his seat, and he did, it's just the principle of it all.

Should it just be a man's responsibility or would equality dictate that anyone able should have moved?

It sounds like your DH was a bit of an arse. I've asked people on the tube to give up their seat for someone who needs it (having checked if the person would like a seat) and in every case they've given up their seat graciously even if it isn't a priority seat.

He was frustrated as it was his first day back at work after paternity leave & he was always fussing about people giving me a seat.

And yet he stood (sat) on principle rather than actually help out with this problem himself...

I get on trains and busses that are packed . . . and nothing dramatic ever happens on them save a few drunken songs if there's a footie match on or a chancer with no ticket. And last year I picked up fucking influenza on one and a week later was sick as hell, took 3 bloody weeks to get over. I must be doing something wrong.

Your DH had no business putting anybody in priority seating on the spot unless he knew for a face that an individual didn't have an obvious or hidden disability. People with disabilities shouldn't have to defend themselves; they don't owe the public a groveling explanation every time they sit down.

Your dh sounds like an idiot op.

I'd be mortified if my partner agrued about the technicalities of who should give up their seat while a pregnant woman stood there.

As someone who was on a packed train at 38 weeks pregnant.. I would've been happy for ANYONE to give me their seat.

The train was full of school age children and not one person moved for me to sit down for the whole 45 minutes we were on the train.

I'm actually 21 weeks pregnant now - if somebody who was heavily pregnant needed a seat - I would give mine up.
But at the moment, I would be fine with standing. Until say 35 weeks, that's when I'd want to sit.

How pregnant was the woman?

I'd be mortified if my partner agrued about the technicalities of who should give up their seat while a pregnant woman stood there.

This. Is he normally such a twat? WTF?

A physically able woman has no greater need for a seat than a physically able man. He shouldn't have had to have been asked though and nor should any of the able people on the train. Everyone hopes someone else will stand up and then no one does.
Just to throw a spanner in the works though, I think the guy was BU to ask too. Your DH could have had any number of problems that meant he needed his seat.

I find the responses astonishing.

There are about 4 priority seats, all near the doors in most carriages, and we are to assume that all the people in them had hidden disabilities?

The man telling OP's DH know that he didn't have a mobility issue, but he is somehow at fault or BU?

Chances are the women in the priority seats simply didn't want to move. That's the most likely explanation even if it doesn't fit with some preconceptions.

@DontOpenDeadInside
I once went on a packed train with my 83 year old gran, and nobody offered a seat. When I asked a woman in the priority seat to move, she REFUSED! I was gobsmacked! She just said "why should I have to move?" I was like "because you're in the priority seat!"
Eventually a woman made her child sit on her knee.

So, he fussed about you getting a seat when you were pregnant, but when someone else needed one he automatically assumed that the people in the priority seats didn't need them? Nice.

If the woman in priority seat didn't have a priority she should have got up but if she didn't I would have got up without complaining and before anyone had to ask.

Other people being more wrong doesn't make dh right.

I used to commute to London (Reading to Paddington) which was only a 25 minute trip and invariably never got a seat on the way back. One time I put my coat on the floor and sat there. A french woman was absolutely horrified that no-one offered a seat and when I got off the train gave me the bunch of flowers she was holding.

You DH sounds charming. He should have just got up - i would've - in a heartbeat.

He sounds like one of those men who utter bs stuff like well you want equality here it is.

ugh. LTB

It wasn't the time to get into the nitty gritty of the order of who should move. He should have just given up his seat graciously.

Your DH had no business putting anybody in priority seating on the spot unless he knew for a face that an individual didn't have an obvious or hidden disability. People with disabilities shouldn't have to defend themselves; they don't owe the public a groveling explanation every time they sit down

You are right in theory, but you live in a dream world if you think that most people in a priority seat have hidden disabilities. Just watch them bound up the stairs when they get off. (And, yes, I realise that not all hidden disabilities impair mobility, but there aren't many that necessitate a seat on a train, but let you run up the stairs 2 minutes later).

The man asked your DH to get up. Maybe he should not have - it was perhaps a little old-fashioned of him to assume a man must give up a seat, or perhaps he did not want to accidentally turf someone needy out of a priority seat. But at the point he was asked, your DH's only decision should have been whether it was the right thing for him to do. And it was

Your DH was not unreasonable.

Other man sounds like a cheeky fucker. Chivalry my fucking arse. Who the hell did he think he was to start shouting. Wanker.

Can’t believe how many people actually think OP’s DH was wrong.

Is it only men who can stand?

Seriously; are women physically less able to stand? I don’t know of any physiological reason that men are more capable of standing.

When I was PG I'd say the people who gave their seats up most frequently were young men and middle-aged women.

The right thing in this instance is that whoever is able to offer a pregnant woman their seat does so. It doesn't matter who doesn't, it just matters who does.

The man interfering and asking was definitely being unreasonable. If the woman wanted to sit she should have asked. I'm 36 weeks now and fine standing so I don't ask for a seat and turn it down when offered as I don't need it but 3 weeks ago some stranger pushed past 3 other people to berate someone in a priority seat on my behalf. It was none of her business and it was none of this other man's either.

I think your DH shouldn't have argued but should have asked the woman herself if she wanted to sit once it had been brought up and ignored the interfering man