My DP said he wouldn’t have another baby with me if I was to formula feed.

[Missy450]

We were talking about having a second child last night and I casually said I think I would formula feed (I have ebf my first).
He replied he wouldn’t want another one if I was going to formula feed. This then turned into a big argument which when we got to the bottom of it, what he really meant was he wouldn’t want another baby if even before I’ve got pregnant, I had decided to formula feed I.e. not wanting the best for our baby without even trying.

I would like to bf again and I would try to, but I can see it being so much harder when you’ve got a toddler as well.

He would be supportive if I gave it a go but had a good reason to stop. He’s a nutritionist and has studied in detail how good breastmilk is so I guess it’s important to him.

But, he’s basically saying, the babies life isn’t worth as much if he/she is formula fed, right?? AIBU?

@FormerlyFrikadela01 yes it is his child too, but they are the OPs breasts.
Like I said, he can have an opinion, as in, breast is best, and he would like the child to be breast fed, but realistically, it is not his body. It is not his choice.
Whatever the reasons are, the OP has said she thinks she would prefer to do something along the lines of combination feeding, that's her choice. And seeing how they are her breasts, she gets the deciding vote.

Assuming you aimed that at the wrong person. I agree with everything you wrote.

You can hold a baby to the Breast one handed whilst you get a snack out the cupboard for toddler.

Again YOU may be able to be one handed but that certainly isn't the case for everyone.

Wow what a fucking twat

Breastfeeding is not for eveyone and it is galling how everyone seems to think they can tell you what to do with your breasts.

I breastfed all of mine as I bowed under the pressure of the nurses/midwife and mil. If I had my time again I would FF. I did not enjoy bf and felt like a dairy cow whos body was not her own.

Your DH has every right to express how he would like to feed his child but he should respect your choice on what you do with your body.
Are you sure you want a baby with somebody who thinks your body atonomy is his choice?

So if you FF, what's he going to do - send the baby back?

btw, what's his contribution to the feeding of DC1 (and you!). Is it DP that prepares every meal seeing as he knows everything about nutrition.

I think breastfeeding is over hyped and what you someone else chooses to feed their baby is their business. But it is your husband's child too and he wants what he perceives to be best for it - would you want to be with a man who didn't?

He is saying he doesnt want to have a child who starts life with what he sees as second best. He wants the best for all his children. Instead of having a rational discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of breast feeding you start an argument and say what you want for the child matters more than what he wants. So this time it does - it's your body - but you need to explain to him that what is best for your children is a happy mother.

No. He's saying he doesn't understand why you wouldn't try to do the best for your baby.

So are you saying anyone who chooses to FF isn't doing their best?

He's a twat. YOU can feed the baby in a perfectly healthy, correct way however YOU like. You may find FF easier. You may find BF easier. You may not want to do either for whatever reason you decide. You get to decide how to or how not to use your own body and look after and feed two children. Twat.

You’re both being dramatic in my opinion and this was a silly argument.

If you really think he’d walk out or abandon your child over formula you have bigger problems.

If you don’t then just say you’ll try to BF and deal with reality if you actually have a second child.

I think most people here think that it is a good idea to treat children equally (For example in the matter of money spent on Christmas present, investment - fianancial or emotional - in education.)

There seems to be some evidence that breastfeeding helps children's developing immune systems in a way that formula feeding doesn't. On that basis if I had successfully breastfed a first child, I would want to try breastfeeding a second. Obviously if some factor to do with also having a toddler to look after, meant that, say, nightfeeds was more exhausting, iit's conceivable that I might not carry on feeding a second baby quite as long.

But on the basis that juggling the needs of two children is more exhausting than one, I think my inclination would be to ask a pro-breastfeeding husband for more practical support.

So are you saying anyone who chooses to FF isn't doing their best?
Not if they’re doing it because they think it’s the easy option without even trying.

Absolutely not his decision in any way. As long as when in your care you're feeding your baby, he can sod off. What a prick.

I’m goIng to bet he was the type who said ‘we’re pregnant’, right, OP?

Insufferable attitude.

Is he this invested in what your toddler eats (in which case this is obviously about nutritional concerns) ? Or is it a nasty way of trying to control you? Only you know what he's normally like.

Do you think he really wants a second? It seems very extreme to say I only want another if you bf. Could it be an excuse?
Also, what if you disagree on other parenting issues. Will he compromise or will he huff and say it's his way or nothing? And what if you try to bf and for some reason it doesn't work out and you want to stop. Will he be supportive or will he say you haven't tried hard enough?

If by worked for you first time around I don't know why it wouldn't the second tbh. I mix fed for several reasons and the bf part was by far the easiest - instant and no washing up! (But I know it's not like that for everyone.

Your DP is an arsehole. HTH.

What actual real and regulated qualifications does he have? Anyone in the UK can call themselves a nutritionist, which is why a lot of people who can use Google do.

Not that it matters. If you live where you have access to clean water, formula is fine.

Sure you want to breed another with a dictator?

It is totally his decision until the baby is conceived rory. He doesnt owe the OP his sperm. And if he really feels that strongly then probably best not to procreate with him - but really this sounds like a discussion that got out of control and needs revisiting once both parties are calm.

WTF has happened on MN that so many posters have come on to agree that the husband here is reasonable to deny op a second baby if she won't breastfeed?

Sounds to me like he doesn't want to do his fair share of night feeds and bottles! Dick.

Not if they’re doing it because they think it’s the easy option without even trying.

What happened to women having a choice over what to do with their body?

Good for him. I love a man who wants best for his children.

So if you FF, what's he going to do - send the baby back?

This ^^

He's being a dick, OP.

And as for being a nutritionist, well that seems to be every other person nowadays.

I can see his point about treating both children equally but having an argument about it seems a bit OTT. You don't know if BF will even be possible with DC2! Mastitis? Tongue-tie? Baby unwilling? Stress? Illness? There's a lot more to it than sticking your breast to baby's face and you know that way more than he does. Could you come to a compromise and perhaps combi-feed if you're concerned that it'll be harder work?

@WorraLiberty too right.

Good for him. I love a man who wants best for his children.

And what exactly is he doing, apart from pressurising someone else?