To think I'm cool with being a cool wife

[zeezeek]

I’ve been married for over 25 years now and have always had a good relationship with my husband. We don’t live in each other’s pockets and are apart a lot. I was talking to a female friend earlier today about how DH went hiking with some women he knows from the PTA and ended up getting trashed and staying over at one of their houses. She didn’t understand why that didn’t bother me and accused me of being a cool wife and giving other women a bad name.

As it was the woman’s husband was there as well, but even if now, it wouldn’t have bothered me. He’s a grown man and not my possession - as I’m not his. We respect each other and give each other leeway to be independent and live our own lives.

I don’t make a fuss if he’s looking at other women and he doesn’t make a fuss if I’m looking at other men.

Neither of us are bothered by the other spending time with friends of the opposite sex.

While I hate the porn industry as an industry I can’t get bothered by my husband watching it.

So, if that makes me a cool wife, then I’m cool with it.

Wow going on a PTA hike. What a cool thing to do 😭 Wish I could be that cool

This thread is amazing

That wasn't what I understood to be a "cool wife".

What did you think yorkie?

I've always thought it was an irritatingly patronising insult from a certain type of woman directed to anyone who isn't into phone checking/policing friendships and thinks men and women can be friends without shagging.

The reality is most people have their own normal relationship with reasonable boundaries and couldn't care less.

I agree with giving each other space in a relationship. But your ok doesn't read as "cool" to me. More "desperate for others to think I'm cool". Why do you care that much what a bunch of strangers on an anonymous forum think about your fantastic relationship? Unless maybe it isn't all that fantastic?

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Why do you care that much what a bunch of strangers on an anonymous forum think about your fantastic relationship?

Because humans love validation and approval.

Otherwise Facebook would literally empty.

Well winter is on it's way...my guess is we will all be cool wives😜

Do you both often congratulate each other on this? It's how I imagine it anyway.

Thank God we aren't like other couples! They are just awful
I know babe yer so laid back
I'll never take away your free will!
Ugh babe your so hot
Aren't we the best?
Ugh oh - Ayyyy...

All the while sweating nervously.

I rather like being Mrs. Uncool, personally. DH is also Mr. Uncool.

We don't do cool here.

That's nice

Doobigetta think you missed my next post where I moved on from cool wife to cool divorcee whose ex shagged a waitress

Was there an aibu

Not a problem if there isnt...there quite often isn't

But i wondered if there was one

Someone asked earlier but i dont think there was an answer

Rufus!

We keep ending up on the same threads.

I’m clearly not cool at all. If my husband said he wished to do anything with the pta, I’d be a little bemused. If he then got trashed after hiking with them and had to sleep it off at one of the couples houses. I’d be the very definition of uncool. And a bit embarrassed. Does he not have any mates he can do this too instead?

I kinda get where your friend is coming from op.

Maybe @MaisyPops...

I am just having a hard time deciding whether being a cool wife is a good or bad thing!! Surely it depends on the husband...
Because on one hand you're a cool wife, on the other you're a cool doormat, no?

all relationships are different and if you and your partner are both completely happy with the way things work in yours then good for you. Dont listen to other people trying to put you down for not doing what they would do or feeling how they would feel. What matters is that you and your partner are on the same page and support each other in the way that you want to.

Equally though you do come across as judgemental of people who arent 'cool wives' Which is kind of just as bad as people being judgemental of your relationship. Different people want different things from relationships no one thing is better than another. The point is that the needs of both parties need to be being met, thats all.

I certainly dont think that individual women need to force themselves to act in a certain way and want certain things from their partner just to support other women who might want them from their own partners. Thats a bit loops i agree.

I'm a cool wife too!!

Just last week I let my husband sleep with the next door neighbour, before offering him up my sister for sexual favours, to make sure he felt happy before his 5 night fuck-fest in Amsterdam.

He hasn't come back yet, but when he does I will make sure I give him a massive blow job, before serving him a nice whiskey and giving him my surprise present. Some porn!

I am so cool.

I'm a bit shocked at the pasting the OP is getting here.

Yes, the tone was a bit smug and it's not really an AIBU.

But you all seem to have laid into her for basically saying she and her husband have a fairly laid back, arm's length approach to one another.

The fact that some of you wouldn't want your other halves to camping with the PTA doesn't mean this bloke is automatically shagging them.

I also think the Gone Girl thing is a bit of a stretch. Yes, I get that the "cool girl" thing is often a euphemism for a girl without too many boundaries. But this isn't as far as we can tell what's going on here. It's a couple who have been married a long time and give one another a lot of space.

I think quite a lot of you are projecting here and maybe the OP's slightly goady tone didn't help but you're not doing yourselves any favours.

I did, sorry SilverdaleGlen

Hiking with the PTA 😂😂

You must possess all of the coolness your husband doesn't have 🤔

I'm with you OP. A study showed that the biggest predictor of marriage success is....giving each other space and having your own lives

Yes that’s our relationship. I’m about 30years and 10 sizes too large to ever be mistaken for a cool girl as described in Gone Girl. I, certainly not a simpering idiot who likes what my husband likes just to be cool. I have my interests, he has his, we have a few that overlap.

I just wondered if this cool wife thing existed because I never thought of myself as having that, or any label. But if that is what I am, then I’d rather that label than anything else, I guess. I was left confused by what she was saying.

I'm a room temperature wife.

Last night I ordered a pizza for us and let him play with my boobs during the 10 O'clock news. Sex is for Saturdays though.

He's allowed to say my friend Linda's cottage pie is nicer than mine but only if he tells her I make a better cheesecake.

zeezeek

When he got trashed and stayed out all night, did he let you know he wasn't coming home? Or just, not come home?

Do you have children? How did they react to not knowing where Dad was in the morning?

It's not a label. You don't have to try and fit yourself into a role. Just be secure as you are