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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm cool with being a cool wife

376 replies

zeezeek · 27/11/2017 19:37

I’ve been married for over 25 years now and have always had a good relationship with my husband. We don’t live in each other’s pockets and are apart a lot. I was talking to a female friend earlier today about how DH went hiking with some women he knows from the PTA and ended up getting trashed and staying over at one of their houses. She didn’t understand why that didn’t bother me and accused me of being a cool wife and giving other women a bad name.

As it was the woman’s husband was there as well, but even if now, it wouldn’t have bothered me. He’s a grown man and not my possession - as I’m not his. We respect each other and give each other leeway to be independent and live our own lives.

I don’t make a fuss if he’s looking at other women and he doesn’t make a fuss if I’m looking at other men.

Neither of us are bothered by the other spending time with friends of the opposite sex.

While I hate the porn industry as an industry I can’t get bothered by my husband watching it.

So, if that makes me a cool wife, then I’m cool with it.

OP posts:
emmcan · 27/11/2017 20:01

Winner of the Mumsnet 'Biscuit selection of the year', surely.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 27/11/2017 20:02

You are so cool OP. All those other women who don't like their husbands watching porn well they are just strident unhappy radfems and decidedly uncool. They should try to be more like you.

babybobobear · 27/11/2017 20:02

I don't see why anyone would be bothered by their husband going hiking with the PTA anyway wtf Confused

emmcan · 27/11/2017 20:03

theaveragewife x1000

bellasuewow · 27/11/2017 20:04

Why bother being married if you don’t really care about each other. Your relationship sounds boring and convenient not cool or special.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 27/11/2017 20:04

If DP got so wrecked (after hiking?!Confused) he couldn't make it home if think he was pretty uncool. I would also be uncool for letting him know just how uncool I was with it.

Meh. Guess I was never one of the cool kids.

TheLegendOfBeans · 27/11/2017 20:05

Methinks the poster doth protest too much

Translation: if you’re conscious about being the “cool wife” then you’ve obviously had to navigate a situation or two you’re definuteky not cool with and make the active decision to be “cool”.

Shucks.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 27/11/2017 20:05

Oh that quote is gold. It's a shame the rest of the book turned her into a manipulative shrew.

SootSprite · 27/11/2017 20:05

Tell us more OP, we need to hear more gems of wisdom from you.

I’d like to be cool too, my aim in life is to have a husband who looks at other women, enjoys porn and goes off to get drunk with other women and doesn’t come home.

Guide me oh Guru. I’m obviously doing it wrong because my husband doesn’t do any of these things #SadFace

YoloSwaggins · 27/11/2017 20:06

I'm with you OP. A study showed that the biggest predictor of marriage success is....giving each other space and having your own lives. Not even sex, space!

I love my own space so we do a lot of stuff on our own (well, we do work and live together though lol). Also I see no reason why couples shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex or go clubbing/on holiday without each other. Think it is very healthy. Otherwise you will feel trapped - imagine not even being able to go on a holiday or meet some old uni mate for a catch-up!

The only reason for "not letting" your partner do perfectly normal stuff is insecurity.

Bambamber · 27/11/2017 20:06

What is a cool wife? I thought that being cool was supposed to be a good thing, So why would you need to be cool with being cool? Learn new terms everyday on here

WhooooAmI24601 · 27/11/2017 20:07

“You can’t say you’re breezy! That totally negates the breezy!”

Brilliance!

OP if you need to openly declare "I'm cool with x, y and z" then you're not cool with them. It's like when Trump declares "I'm cool with Kim Jong Un and totally not a fat nutsack". You know fine well he looks like an overinflated scrotum and has a dartboard on the back of his bedroom door with Jong Un's face stuck on.

LiminalTides · 27/11/2017 20:08

While I hate the porn industry as an industry I can’t get bothered by my husband watching it

A bit dim I'd say

Huskylover1 · 27/11/2017 20:08

In my experience, being "cool" with a husband that shits on you, will eventually bite you on the ass. My husband wouldn't dream of hiking all day with a married woman and then get pissed with her and sleeping at her place, because he knows I'd tell him to not fucking come home. If in your eyes that makes me "uncool" then you are a man pleasing idiot. And you have no clue if her husband was there. I vote that your husband shagged this woman. How "cool".

And btw, there is nothing cool about a guy in woolly socks and hiking gear, complete with those silly walking sticks. Uugh.

YoloSwaggins · 27/11/2017 20:08

and goes off to get drunk with other women and doesn’t come home.

if they're all mates from uni, and he didn't have anything to come home for e.g. take the kids to Karate in the morning, why does it matter?

Jesus, if my partner said I couldn't go out with my uni friends because there were men there and then told me I had to be home by 2, I would run.

Thequeenisdeadboys · 27/11/2017 20:09

This is really quite funny. Must say I don't think I would be too chipper if DH went off hiking with the PTA ...I mean, life's too short ! Grin

Mince314 · 27/11/2017 20:09

God, you're great.

[stale biscuit]

YoloSwaggins · 27/11/2017 20:10

My husband wouldn't dream of hiking all day with a married woman and then get pissed with her and sleeping at her place

So if your husband told you you weren't allowed to go on a hike with your married male friend, and threw you out because you got pissed and stayed on their couch, you'd think it was reasonable he chucked you out? really?

peachgreen · 27/11/2017 20:11

I thought I was a cool wife (well, girlfriend) once upon a time too. Turns out I just didn't really love him so wasn't bothered what he did.

I'm much less cool with DH, but much, much happier. (And thankfully neither of us have any interest in looking at other people.)

StealthNinjaMum · 27/11/2017 20:14

It's not that we are bothered op you just sound smug with your perfect relationship. Many of us are also happy with our relationships but don't see the need to post about it.

genever · 27/11/2017 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heckneck · 27/11/2017 20:14

Lol, I let this happen. It was his colleague and his colleagues gf. They all went on a hike. She fancied the pants off him.when we split up guess who he shagged first. That's right. I'll never be that "cool' again

YoloSwaggins · 27/11/2017 20:14

What gets me is if any woman posted on AIBU saying their husband didn't let them go out with male friends, everyone would scream "controlling" and "LTB"

But apparently on this thread it's absolutely fine to be controlling to your husbands and if you don't you are a doormat and man pleaser....

Oh the hypocrisy.

Sarahjconnor · 27/11/2017 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mulberry72 · 27/11/2017 20:17

I’m glad I’m not as cool as you OP, really I am Hmm

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