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AIBU?

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Original poster

That this behaviour is totally not ok?!

304 replies

Angelwendy · 27/11/2017 13:56

Im on holiday with my OH this week and have just found a few photos of a topless sunbather on his phone that he must have taken earlier (was looking at a photo he had taken of me from last night).
I'm gutted as I'm going to have to confront him about this asap and it's going to ruin the holiday which I've been looking forward to for so long and has cost us a small fortune. Would never have expected this sort of behaviour from him! Absolutely fuming!!!!

OP posts:
LostinLSpace · 27/11/2017 19:57

*rude not ride Hmm

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 27/11/2017 19:58

Realistically, if I were in your position I'd also be fuming and if he had held his hands up and apologises profusely and promised never to do it again and just hadn't realised how ridiculously creepy it is. I'd probably forgive him. But, the fact he's denying it and making you out to be paranoid would be the nail in the coffin. If he can lie about that there will be more lies to come in the future and possibly creepiness as he clearly doesn't think he's done wrong.

Kickassname · 27/11/2017 19:58

Husky I know we can only go by the op's details, we don't know 100% what he intended to do with the picture. However all things aside, I just want to respectfully say that men taking pictures of real life women to masturbate over is certainly not a new phenomenon. It's more real and tangible, that's part of the thrill. It doesn't even matter what is online. Sometimes it's just to admire too, not even to wank.

There's plenty of naked vaginas online but men still like to take pictures up women's skirts, with their underwear on too.

Regardless of the reason however, it was completely wrong to do what he did...and he DID do it...yet he can not own up to it. If he is usually so sound a guy then there would be hope if he could just hold his hands up and admit he did wrong. If they had kids he'd probably be swearing on their lives.

He's lying though, and is telling the op she is paranoid and ruining their holiday.

Motoko · 27/11/2017 20:03

Some people on this thread need to educate themselves about consent.

Sorry you're going through this OP, especially on the holiday you were really looking forward to.

Oysterbabe · 27/11/2017 20:05

Don't let him bullshit you OP, you weren't born yesterday. Tell him to be an adult and admit what he did if there's going to be any chance of moving forward.

tillytown · 27/11/2017 20:10

Don't let him blame you for what he did, he acted like an arsehole, not you.
Does he normally sulk until you end up apologising, even when you haven't done anything wrong?

Whoyagonna · 27/11/2017 20:12

Perv.

FlouncyDoves · 27/11/2017 20:12

You have to decide how big a deal this is. You’ve explained how brilliant he is as a partner - weigh that up against this act.

Maybe it was just stupid, a momentary loss of sense. Is it worth throwing away your relationship over?

Annelind · 27/11/2017 20:18

Maybe it was just stupid, a momentary loss of sense. It's not just WHAT he did, but the fact that he lied when caught out, and then sulked and tried to blame OP for her "paranoia" about it Hmm

321zerobaby · 27/11/2017 20:20

I agree with what FlouncyDoves says.

countycouncil · 27/11/2017 20:21

I would not throw away an otherwise great relationship over this. Talk it over once more, accept the apology, accept he's flawed and fucked up and remind yourself of all the things that are good about him. It's not ideal but in some ways it's just a sign of the times. Camera to hand 24/7, we're all so used to nudity from telly, advertising etc that he probably did t even consider what he was doing to be that wrong.

Addictedtothisbloodyforum · 27/11/2017 20:23

If he had of held his hands up and said I'm so sorry , I know I should t have done it , I was immature and thinking with my dick , please forgive me . I would have accepted that and moved on . He has made it so much worse for himself op ! Unless he apologises and grovels then it's a big fat LTB for me I'm afraid xx

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 27/11/2017 20:28

Maybe he is just not used to seeing naked women out in public and he was over excited to realise they are not urban myths.

It would be a dealbreaker for me ( I did have almost exactly the same happen and I split with him there and then) but if you’re normally very happy , maybe put it behind you. Only you know if you can let this go.

Hulder · 27/11/2017 20:32

How much do you know your DP? I mean really know? Is this out of character for him?

Obviously the behaviour is not OK.

However I have stood next to my DH, while he took a panoramic picture of a beach in front of us. He managed to entirely centre the picture on the back of a woman carrying drinks who was wearing the skimpiest bikini in history who looked like a Playboy cover model Hmm

It's actually a great shot, if you were a tourist board, not such a great shot for the overheated, fat sweaty, wife stood next to him.

He claims he hadn't noticed she was there HmmHmm the whole fucking beach had noticed her

But I was standing next to him, and I do know him and it's true. He really hadn't - even though her arse cheeks make up most of the shot. It can happen, even though it is unlikely.

Charolais · 27/11/2017 20:42

Oh no!! A woman showing off her tits in public and a man looking at them!!!! How will the human race survive?

PoorYorick · 27/11/2017 20:44

Oh no!! A woman showing off her tits in public and a man looking at them!!!!

I have to assume you're TRYING to be dumb...

Huskylover1 · 27/11/2017 20:45

Charolais Of course men will look. I'm a woman, and if I was somewhere where mens dicks were out, I would look. BUT. Taking a photo (zoomed in on tits), is over stepping the mark. Would you be happy with your DH doing this?

Huskylover1 · 27/11/2017 20:48

But I was standing next to him, and I do know him and it's true. He really hadn't - even though her arse cheeks make up most of the shot. It can happen, even though it is unlikely

COME ON! Were you burying your head in the sand of this beach?

JamesBlonde1 · 27/11/2017 20:53

So pervy that he takes a photo without her consent.

Lies to you.

Gaslights by saying you’re paranoid

What a cheeky bastard he is. Not got your best interests at heart on this little jolly has he? He’s more inclined to lie to you and suggest you have mental health problems than own up to his voyeurism.

Tell him to jog on and sleep in the balcony.

YetAnotherNC2017 · 27/11/2017 20:55

OP, Id cut the holiday short. Go home. Either way you won’t have much fun now.

You can go home and think about whether you want to carry on with the relationship. If you do then at least you’re showing him his behaviour is unacceptable.

Pumperthepumper · 27/11/2017 20:57

Oh no!! A woman showing off her tits in public and a man looking at them!!!! How will the human race survive?

It’s always interesting how people who know they are wrong have to minimise to make a point. He wasn’t ‘looking at them’. He took a picture of them. Without her consent.

shorty6768 · 27/11/2017 20:57

@charolais taking a photo of said tits is a bit more than looking don’t you think?
Oh OP I hope you don’t let him manipulate the situation by blaming you (for having the sheer audacity to catch him Hmm)
The fact that he’s denied & lied would be the dealbreaker for me. If he genuinely didn’t mean to do it, he would take a second look at the photos, realised how they look, be shocked & apologise. Not call you paranoid which is an incredibly mean thing to do & very telling. I see it being a foreshadow of more serious events to come if you stay with him. You may possibly find the more ‘serious’ you get with him, the more shitty stuff he does. Don’t listen to words OP, listen to actions- he’s rebelling against the relationship.

rcat · 27/11/2017 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulder · 27/11/2017 20:59

Honestly - can happen. He genuinely was so busy doing his panorama he failed to notice the Italian sex goddess. He cheerfully showed the photo to his parents.

Despite the opinion of Mumsnet, not all men are porn obsessed boob hounds.

OP only you know him, we don't.

JamesBlonde1 · 27/11/2017 21:07

Well you clearly know him enough to know those photos were taken on purpose, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted on MN. He was probably going to show all his mates at work what a lovely view he had Hmm. Knobhead.