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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That this behaviour is totally not ok?!

304 replies

Angelwendy · 27/11/2017 13:56

Im on holiday with my OH this week and have just found a few photos of a topless sunbather on his phone that he must have taken earlier (was looking at a photo he had taken of me from last night).
I'm gutted as I'm going to have to confront him about this asap and it's going to ruin the holiday which I've been looking forward to for so long and has cost us a small fortune. Would never have expected this sort of behaviour from him! Absolutely fuming!!!!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/11/2017 21:09

No no no. Do not let him turn this into your problem. You don't have paranoia, you caught him taking photos of someone else's tits!

You confronted him, and gave him an opportunity to explain... he then totally lied his ass off.

It's the lying bit. If she was centre of shot, then of course, he was taking a photo of her tits. Not the 'luxurious' pool.

EmilyChambers79 · 27/11/2017 21:17

he came back into the room and asked if my paranoia was going to ruin the rest of the holiday

Nope. But his perverted behaviour will.

GabsAlot · 27/11/2017 21:21

he clearly zoomd in thats not ok

dont know what to say op how long do u have left there?

Sweetpea55 · 27/11/2017 21:31

He's a creep.

Original poster
Angelwendy · 27/11/2017 21:37

Spoken to him and he still denying that the photos were meant to be of her. He's apologising now though and saying he knows how bad it looks and he doesn't want me to worry or be upset. I'm still really pissed off and feel like he isnt admitting the truth

OP posts:
Bettydownthehall · 27/11/2017 21:40

Ask him if he is going to send the pictures to his mum to show her how "luxurious" the pool is? Or your sister? Or another female relative.

InternetHoopJumper · 27/11/2017 21:43

OP, I am sorry say, but his appology is insincere. He is trying to get you to stop talking about it, but is still not owning up to his behavior and probably never will.

There are so many red-flags in his behavior from your posts throughout this thread. Are you sure you want to marry him or continue dating him? I seriously doubt he is worth it. If this is his behavior when caught doing something wrong, then that can only continue.

TheDowagerCuntess · 27/11/2017 21:46

The fact that he was probably going to propose makes it worse.

Aren't you supposed to only have eyes for each other at this point in your life? Aren't you supposed to be in love, and massively into each other?

Taking photos of another woman's breasts when you're about to ask the love of your life to marry you, just seems so ... I don't know ... depressing.

There will be women (on this thread) whose standards are so deeply low, who wouldn't see an issue with this. Who'd accept a man under these circumstances, and probably even think themselves luck (hard to believe). But I don't think you're one of them, Angel.

You are being hugely short-changed. You can do better.

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/11/2017 21:50

Tell me you didn’t delete the pics before confronting? If she’s front centre and zoomed in on then get that one up and ask how it’s a pic of the pool if the pool isn’t in it? If he’s going to continue to deny that’s a real dealbreaker for me. As is the creepy perving...

AnyFucker · 27/11/2017 21:52

I have seen this exact same thread before. Lots of these pervs around, huh?

You will be married within the year, op.

ferntwist · 27/11/2017 21:53

YANBU - it’s a sleazy violation of her privacy and very disrespectful to you too.

Pearlsaringer · 27/11/2017 22:01

Going against the grain here but now that he has apologised I would probably let it drop, at least for the rest of your holiday. Give him chance to fix this, for your sake more than his. He has been an idiot and he knows it.

I think I would want to be sure that the photos were not lingering in a recycle bin or cloud storage.

GabsAlot · 27/11/2017 22:04

so now its sorry how it looks-thought it was a pic of th pool?

Huskylover1 · 27/11/2017 22:07

Anyfucker why do you even bother posting? It's always negative. It's always like you're looking down on people. And not least, it's only ever 2 lines of text. Never more. Like you love to give a quick quip. There is never any meaningful advice. It's like you just fire off a quick LTB between whatever Soaps you are watching. You don't belong here. You are not helping women in distress.

TheweewitchRoz · 27/11/2017 22:09

Given you're not married & no kids, I say get out while it's still easy to do so. He's not a decent man at all.

FlouncyDoves · 27/11/2017 22:21

I say leave it now. Try and enjoy the rest of your holiday, but I don’t think I’d be accepting any forthcoming proposal.

hmmmmm · 27/11/2017 22:21

Run for the hills.

Gemini69 · 27/11/2017 22:23

He was perv'ing.... he has been caught... he is like a rabbit caught in the headlights.. his true character has been revealed.... it's what yo do with this information that will dictate your future relationship.. he lies to get out of his actions.. you believe him... he will do it again... or you leave... and he carries on doing it again.... it's up to you OP Flowers

teaplease906 · 27/11/2017 22:27

Exactly what @AnyFucker has said, this thread has been here before.

C0untDucku1a · 27/11/2017 22:29

Try ignoring the details and just think about the issue.

he did something very wrong and his response is to make you feel bad about your reaction.

It doesnt really matter what the details are. He is making you feel reaponsible for his unacceptable
Behaviour.

AnyFucker · 27/11/2017 22:33

You are entitled to your opinion, Husky. Even if it's bollocks.

Originalfoogirl · 27/11/2017 22:48

I can see how this can happen. There is masses of scientific data about how people can’t see what is right in front of your eyes, especially when it comes to photography.

OP has some insecurities about her body and without seeing the pics, it’s hard to assume the description is objective.

What I’m hearing is how out of character this is for him, which would push me towards his version rather than the OP’s.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 27/11/2017 22:50

You don't belong here

Hmm

husky who the fuck are you to say who belongs here? AF is usually spot on.

BelleandBeast · 27/11/2017 22:59

He's the kind of man who has a woman for a relationship or has sister, or a mother, or a colleague, or a friend, and he's a great guy. If we have a role in his life and a part to play.

The rest of us, we are just ramdon to him can be objectified in a sexual way.

almondfinger · 27/11/2017 23:04

Anyfucker i love you a little bit!

Huskylover you don't know your ass from your elbow. AF has been around for years and her no nonsense advice is generally spot on.

Wendy sounds like a crap situation, sorry it's happened to you and especially on a holiday that it seems you have spent a lot of money on and had up to now been enjoying. It's the taking pictures of someone semi naked without their knowledge or consent that gives me the creeps. I'd be wondering what else do I not know about him. The trust would be gone out the window for me.