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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That this behaviour is totally not ok?!

304 replies

Angelwendy · 27/11/2017 13:56

Im on holiday with my OH this week and have just found a few photos of a topless sunbather on his phone that he must have taken earlier (was looking at a photo he had taken of me from last night).
I'm gutted as I'm going to have to confront him about this asap and it's going to ruin the holiday which I've been looking forward to for so long and has cost us a small fortune. Would never have expected this sort of behaviour from him! Absolutely fuming!!!!

OP posts:
morningconstitutional2017 · 27/11/2017 14:32

It is creepy and horrible. I believe that in some countries (ie France) you can also get into big trouble legally if you take a picture of someone without asking permission first.

In your place I'd quietly delete it and deny all knowledge, after all it's unlikely he'd ask where it's gone, isn't it?

Original poster
Angelwendy · 27/11/2017 14:32

Its started to rain here now which is why he went to use the hotel gym and I went to read my book. I've looked through his phone again and he's not sent them to anyone (yet!) I feel absolutely gutted. Not a good way to start off our holiday

OP posts:
geekone · 27/11/2017 14:33

Ok YANBU I have no problem with men liking boobs but I do have a big problem with him taking photos of anyone without their consent particularly when semi naked. I would feel violated if I were her and I knew even more so than the OP, that poor woman was wronged. Not nice for you either OP though.

morningconstitutional2017 · 27/11/2017 14:33

And if he did ask I'd be tempted to shove his phone where the sun don't shine.

HoneyBadgerApparently · 27/11/2017 14:34

OP that is awful. So sorry this has happened for you Sad.

I would be incredibly concerned this shows a wider pattern of inappropriate behaviour/ lack of respect for women/ lack of concern for consent. How do you know he's not taking pictures of you naked while you sleep if he thinks this is acceptable?

Personally this would be a deal breaker for me and I would consider LTB. Would you want to raise a child with this man?

HoneyBadgerApparently · 27/11/2017 14:35

Also for the poor woman's sake I would delete the pics so he doesn't get an opportunity to look at them again.

DerelictWreck · 27/11/2017 14:36

Please delete it OP, for that poor woman's sake

MeAndMyElephant · 27/11/2017 14:36

Another vote for the fact you are with a nasty creep.

Original poster
Angelwendy · 27/11/2017 14:37

I'll delete them now. Don't know how I'm going to resist punching him when he gets back to the room

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 27/11/2017 14:40

Make sure you delete them permanently and check he hasn’t emailed/WhatsApp’d etc to anyone.

Pearlsaringer · 27/11/2017 14:40

It is very inappropriate to take photos like this without the permission of the subject. If he shares them, he has no control over what happens to them but the trail would nonetheless lead back to him. If you can’t embarrass him you can at least scare the shit out of him.

SaturdayNIghtAtTheMovies · 27/11/2017 14:40

Things like that don't offend or worry me, but it seems plenty find it '
creepy'

Seriously? You don't think a person should have the right to sunbathe topless without someone else's husband taking multiple photos of them to either a) as an aide memoir to his wank bank or b) share with his friends so they can take the piss/make lewd comments.

I find that very hard to believe. And even if you don't mind it, how do you think the photographed woman would feel?

PositivelyPERF · 27/11/2017 14:41

Things like that don't offend or worry me, but it seems plenty find it 'creepy'

So, for example, you wouldn't have a problem with some photographing your daughter/niece and wanking over it or sharing it with his friends or putting it online? That's really fucking creepy and i think you need to have a think about why your boundaries are so low.

Bluntness100 · 27/11/2017 14:41

It kinda puts you off beaches doesn’t it, when you know there are pervs out their photographing you for wank fodder.

What’s next ask him op, up skit shots?

embo1 · 27/11/2017 14:43

Yes, it's unnacceptable from the sunbather's POV, but what about OP's? Would he like it if you were eyeing up other guys? and taking photos of ones you really liked so you could look at them again?

NK383883bdX1181c63e20e · 27/11/2017 14:44

Maybe think it over a bit longer when you came down.... it is not ideal but it’s not that bad.... ask why he did it and tell him it upset you.... people on this place are so quick to judge it’s absolutely incredible !!! This is my first day of joining!!

TheCatIsMyEnemy · 27/11/2017 14:45

Things like that don't offend or worry me, but it seems plenty find it 'creepy'.

Really? It doesn't offend or worry you that a man would take a picture of a woman's breasts without her consent?

TheCatIsMyEnemy · 27/11/2017 14:45

Maybe think it over a bit longer when you came down.... it is not ideal but it’s not that bad.... ask why he did it and tell him it upset you.... people on this place are so quick to judge it’s absolutely incredible !!! This is my first day of joining!!

So it is perfectly OK for a man to take a picture of a woman's breasts without her consent then?

Dear god, the internalised misogyny is staggering. No wonder the patriarchy prevails.

sandytime · 27/11/2017 14:46

This is sick! Has he ever done anything like this before?

Pumperthepumper · 27/11/2017 14:47

Maybe think it over a bit longer when you came down.... it is not ideal but it’s not that bad.... ask why he did it and tell him it upset you.... people on this place are so quick to judge it’s absolutely incredible !!! This is my first day of joining!!

Do you think he got the consent of the women he photographed topless before he did it?

What about this situation needs reviewed before judgement?

LeCroissant · 27/11/2017 14:47

NK would your partner be ok with you taking pictures of other people's body parts?

Original poster
Angelwendy · 27/11/2017 14:48

@sandy never! He's normally very respectful and doesn't come across as a sleaze in the slightest. Maybe there's a side of him I don't know about though :-(

OP posts:
Annelind · 27/11/2017 14:50

I agree,TheCat this is why, in 2017, men are still entitled, pervy gits. In no way is this behaviour acceptable Angry

EdinaMonsoon · 27/11/2017 14:51

Wow. I cannot believe some posters are saying OP is overreacting! I would be livid. Not only for the disrespect he has shown you OP but also on behalf of the poor woman whom he photographed. Just vile. And yes, absolutely creepy & weird. It makes me shudder to think of someone doing this to me.

What do you want to do, OP? Confront him? Or delete & ignore?

sandytime · 27/11/2017 14:52

Ask him how he would feel if a stranger took a pic of you or him without your consent.

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