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AIBU?

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Original poster

That this behaviour is totally not ok?!

304 replies

Angelwendy · 27/11/2017 13:56

Im on holiday with my OH this week and have just found a few photos of a topless sunbather on his phone that he must have taken earlier (was looking at a photo he had taken of me from last night).
I'm gutted as I'm going to have to confront him about this asap and it's going to ruin the holiday which I've been looking forward to for so long and has cost us a small fortune. Would never have expected this sort of behaviour from him! Absolutely fuming!!!!

OP posts:
WildBluebelles · 27/11/2017 16:00

Confronted him and he was really shocked and said that he had been taking photos of the pool area as it's so luxurious and he wanted to be able to remember it.

Of course. The luxurious pool.

Whinesalot · 27/11/2017 16:00

They do seem deliberate as you describe them. The lying does make it much much worse. It would be better if he just put his hands up and admitted he made a big mistake.

SaturdayNIghtAtTheMovies · 27/11/2017 16:02

Has no one ever taken a pic of a topless bloke on holiday to send to mates like "look at the view" jokey sort of way?

Erm... no... Hmm

I haven't and I wouldn't.

GeorgeTheHamster · 27/11/2017 16:04

The luxurious pool. Ha ha ah ah ah ha ha.

I probably wouldn't be as bothered about the photo as lots of people here are though.

SaturdayNIghtAtTheMovies · 27/11/2017 16:04

he's sitting in a huff on the balcony now

If he genuinely didn't mean to take them (which, of course, he did), then he would be trying to reassure and convince you.

Lazypuppy · 27/11/2017 16:06

Wouldn't bother me, would have presumed he was going to send it to his mates on their whatsapp group or something -childish yes, but thats what most lads whatsapp messages are full of. I wouldn't be happy about him lying about it though-just own up to it.

headintheproverbial · 27/11/2017 16:07

He's been caught and is in a huff with you to try to make you feel you're the one being unreasonable. Incredible!!

TheCatIsMyEnemy · 27/11/2017 16:07

Wouldn't bother me, would have presumed he was going to send it to his mates on their whatsapp group or something -childish yes, but thats what most lads whatsapp messages are full of

Really? Most Whatsapp "lads" groups are full of perverts sending pictures of half clothed women taken without their consent?

What "lads" do you know?

Whinesalot · 27/11/2017 16:08

If he'd have said "sorry, I just thought she was rather attractive but I shouldn't have taken them" then there might be some wiggle room in eventual forgiveness, but to lie and go into a huff about it. Mmmn...

ILoveMillhousesDad · 27/11/2017 16:10

Wouldn't bother me, would have presumed he was going to send it to his mates on their whatsapp group or something -childish yes, but thats what most lads whatsapp messages are full of.

Depressing.

I can assure you that my husband respects women and would not take secret peeping tom photos of a strangers breasts and send them to his mates.

I would bet my life on that. Because he isn't a fucking pervy dickhead.

I am sorry for you that the men in your life are like this.

TheFirstMrsDV · 27/11/2017 16:12

Who goes to the gym on holiday?

Brazenhussy0 · 27/11/2017 16:13

he's sitting in a huff on the balcony now

If my DP dared to do something as sleazy, disrespectful, and creepy as this, then assumed me to be an idiot by making up some lame excuse, and (mostly irritatingly of all) took himself off in a sulky huff when he got caught - I’d leave him.

No fucking question.

Whinesalot · 27/11/2017 16:14

Who goes to the gym on holiday?

My sad Dh

Brazenhussy0 · 27/11/2017 16:16

Wouldn't bother me, would have presumed he was going to send it to his mates on their whatsapp group or something -childish yes, but thats what most lads whatsapp messages are full of.

It really should bother you Lazypuppy.

Lazypuppy · 27/11/2017 16:17

If your OH is part of a lads only whatsapp group i can guarantee theres those sort of pictures floating about, along with a load of other random memes and stupid comments. How is it any different to when girls look at guys, everyone does it and comment on people they find attractive.

Like i said doesn't bother me, but if it bothers the OP then he should know that and not do something that will upset her.

StormTreader · 27/11/2017 16:18

"She was right in the centre of the photos instead of the pool area"

Thats the key, if the pictures had been of the pool area and she happened to be off to one side then maybe, but photos centred on her? They were of her.

TammySwansonTwo · 27/11/2017 16:21

Dear GOD some of these comments are depressing. You do know it's illegal to take photos of people's bodies without their consent for your own sexual gratification, right? As it should be.

What worries me here OP is that if he wanted to look at naked women, there's an internet full of naked women accessible from the same device as he took the photos. Why did he need to take photos of this woman's breasts without her consent?

So sick of all the "just" nonsense that goes on around here. Oh it's just a photo, oh it's just a joke. Ugh.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/11/2017 16:24

Is he still sulking on the balcony, OP?

Suggest you treat yourself to a nice cocktail at the bar or something. Gin

lasttimeround · 27/11/2017 16:26

Ugh that's grim. And to sll the people minimising it this is an offence. What a total creepy dick. I would get rid.

Original poster
Angelwendy · 27/11/2017 16:27

He came back into the room and asked if my paranoia was going to ruin the rest of the holiday. I'm going to feel awful when we see that woman again, knowing he found her body that attractive that he wanted a keepsake. It's half 6 here so we're going to start getting ready for dinner now but I still feel very upset and pissed off

OP posts:
Kickassname · 27/11/2017 16:28

Agree with Storm. Pictures of the pool? Give me a break. How could he see the pool clearly and remember it in all its glorious luxury if she's half starkers in the middle of the picture? Surely you'd notice a pair of boobs in front of you and think 'hmm I will wait til she's gone, or move to a different side of the pool for the shot.' At least, any respectable human being would anyway.

He took pictures of a topless woman on purpose. It's down to you whether you find that acceptable or not within the confines of your relationship.

Personally it would be such a turn off for me. I don't find disrespectful, lying, perverted men attractive. Creepy af.

TheCatIsMyEnemy · 27/11/2017 16:28

He came back into the room and asked if my paranoia was going to ruin the rest of the holiday.

Say no, but your misogyny is.

DiegoMadonna · 27/11/2017 16:29

If your OH is part of a lads only whatsapp group i can guarantee theres those sort of pictures floating about

No you can't. Nobody in any of my whatsapp groups has ever secretly taken pictures of a woman half naked and sent them to our group, and we're not a bunch of choirboys by any stretch of the imagination.

As someone else said, I'm sorry that this is what you deem normal based on the men in your life,

Whinesalot · 27/11/2017 16:29

It wouldn't worry me that he found someone attractive. What is the worrying thing is what he actually did about it and then lied about it and is trying to minimise it.

TheCatIsMyEnemy · 27/11/2017 16:30

How is it any different to when girls look at guys, everyone does it and comment on people they find attractive.

The OP's husband was not "looking" at this woman. He was photographing her naked breasts without her consent.

What part of that do you find acceptable?