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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your bedtime routine with your partner/DH is like?

187 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 26/11/2017 13:01

What do you do? Do you go to bed together regularly? Do you sit together in bed and read? Watch TV?

I used to stay up much later than DH and he hated it...he always wanted me to go at the same time, which I wouldn't have minded if he'd been reading or whatever but no...he just wanted company!

Anyway...years later now and it's different again. He walks the dog and I go to bed at about 11...then I go online till he comes back...then we go to sleep/cuddle whatever!

I'm happy with it but I do sometimes think I'd quite like to watch a film in bed...but he's very much disturbed by the idea and thinks the sofa is the place for that!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 27/11/2017 08:56

I can't imagine going to bed at the same time as my DH - are you all 'tired' at the same time? Confused

I got to bed when I am tired, might be 9pm, might be midnight. DH goes to bed when he is tired.

We have separate bedrooms as well, can't bear sharing a bed, arguing over the duvet weight, lights, window open or closed etc etc etc. Would never consider having a TV in a bedroom.

My favourite time is being alone downstairs, with everyone else asleep in their own rooms Grin. Must work for us - married 30 years !

gamerchick · 27/11/2017 08:57

eally surprised at the number of posters with separate bedrooms too
Personally would not contemplate that

A good example ^^ those who can’t contemplate the seperate bedrooms thing have the emotion already to understand the opposite. Some of these replies sound controlling and suffocating to me and it would take a brave husband who would penetrate my silence by reading or even touching me when I’m trying to actually sleep.

Different strokes indeed.

isthismummy · 27/11/2017 09:05

We usually go to bed at the same time. DH occasionally stays up later as I get tired quite early these days (at the ancient age of 38!Shock)

No TV in the bedroom. I don't believe in them. Bedrooms are for sleeping and shagging.

CheesyFootballs · 27/11/2017 09:09

No real routine.

At least a couple of days in the week I go up to bed, read and then fall asleep while he does paperwork downstairs (self-employed).

Other days we go up together and watch a box set in bed, or I read/he surfs the net, we chat etc.

Weekends we always go to bed together Wink

DeathMetalMum · 27/11/2017 09:19

Generally go to bed between 9/10 together. Dp works early shifts and dc still get up at the crack of dawn. Usually stay up and watch a film/Netflix once or twice a week. Generally always stay up late in a Sunday. One of us usually says we're ready to go up and we head upstairs shortly afterwards, if either one of us isn't tired we read/watch TV/ go on our phones. Unless the other is ill/extra tired and goes up before 9 (usually me) then we almost always go to bed at the same time.

RaeSkywalker · 27/11/2017 09:23

We go to bed at the same time. Sometimes DH will read on his phone for a bit before going to sleep, but we come up at the same time.

sinceyouask · 27/11/2017 09:31

These days he tends to go to bed before me as he gets up earlier and because ds3 is going through an "only mummy" stage plus is taking very badly to my ending breastfeeding (he just turned 3! I cannot bear it any more, I just cannot) so I am spending hours trying to get him to settle and then need some cooling off time alone before I go to bed. If he's asleep when I get into bed I just kiss him (the way he kisses me in the mornings when he's leaving for work, thinking I'm asleep although I always wake up for that kiss even if just for a second). If he's awake we say the things we always say just before sleep, it's sort of a joke routine now but still if we miss any of it out it feels wrong, have a snuggle for a few minutes then roll over, he sticks his hand under my bum and we go to sleep.

Oysterbabe · 27/11/2017 09:34

We go to bed at the same time, bit of a cuddle then sleep. We are tired at the same time. We have a nearly 2 year old and I'm very pregnant. We're tired all the time.

Sallystyle · 27/11/2017 09:35

Bed at the same time. He comes into my room, we talk for a bit, cuddle etc.

He then goes into his room. We both read then sleep.

He snores so we have separate rooms.

Sallystyle · 27/11/2017 09:39

I love being read to. So relaxing and dh has a lovely voice. Not that it happens much these days.

WonderTweek · 27/11/2017 10:45

I want LittleKiwi's bedtime. I'd love to take a bath whilst my husband showers and we could chat about this and that.

Bummybum · 27/11/2017 11:05

I suffer REALLY badly from sleep disorders so we quite often go to bed as soon as ds I’m down. In separate rooms.

Ds sometimes drops naps and goes down early so then we’ll get in to another bed and watch tv then both go back to our own rooms. Like musical beds every night.

Before ds was born and I didn’t have such bad sleep issues he’d read me to sleep every night. We read the whole Harry Potter series and the lord of the rings pretty quickly. Grin

Bummybum · 27/11/2017 11:16

Although sometimes it wouldn’t be conducive to sleep as he’s American and although he has a lovely, smoothing and boring voice he’d say the odd thing like ‘lie-Chester-square’ and id bolt upright with rage. Grin

heron98 · 27/11/2017 11:22

If we're both in on an evening, we usually go to bed at the same time, pretty early as we both get up at 5. I usually fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, I think he stays up for a couple of hours watching shit on his phone.

Mrskeats · 27/11/2017 11:22

gamer did you notice I said ‘personally’ ?
That means it’s personal choice. I would not consider different bedrooms unless for a medical reason etc and I was expressing surprise that many people do have their own room. Practically too people must have lots of space to do that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/11/2017 11:29

I didn't realise reading to each other was so controversial. Might not be for everyone but we like it and we take it in turns.

Given the choice between leaving my husband asleep on the sofa with the tv on to get cold and a cricked neck and going to bed on my own, or turning in together, chatting about our days, having sex and nodding off while he reads to me, I take the latter. The former was a hallmark of my previous marriage, which was shit.

Original poster
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 27/11/2017 11:32

Rag yes, DH and I do get tired at the same time. It must be years of habit...if you get into a habit, then your body adjusts.

OP posts:
Bummybum · 27/11/2017 11:46

Wouldn’t it be nice if the jfs would just stay off mumsnet for a day? Or even an hour!

Domani · 27/11/2017 12:10

What's the jfs, if you don't mind me asking? BunnyBum

StrawberryMummy90 · 27/11/2017 12:19

Sorry but am I the only one who finds it bizarre that people agree to sleep at the same time, almost have it as a condition for their marriage?! I’m finding some of these posts really weird and quite controlling actually.

What if partner isn’t tired? What if you just want your own space for an hour or so? What if something good is on TV and your partner doesn’t want to watch it?

Seems bizarre to have a bedtime routine for adults and almost have that as a precedent for life..

Me and DH go to bed same time some nights, different times others. Normally I go up first so he does all the locking up etc. sometimes it’s the other way round. I would never ask him to come to bed with me at the same time, how strange.

Domani · 27/11/2017 12:25

Sorry (my previous post) it's Bummy not Bunny.

Jolonglegs · 27/11/2017 12:29

We generally go to bed together, but it does vary. I always have a shower before bed whilst DP finishes downstairs and lets the dog out. We usually read in bed and talk about the day which we both think is important. Then have a cuddle, sometimes sex. Sometimes if he's out late I'll be asleep before he comes in, and usually wake up when he comes to bed.
We don't have a TV in the bedroom as we see the room as the space for sleep and sex, but we're all different aren't we and thats good.

mindutopia · 27/11/2017 12:31

We always go to bed at the same time (unless one of us is working late or out doing something, which happens occasionally, but not often). I struggle to fall asleep, so dh comes to bed when I do so as not to disturb me coming in later. Frankly, our days of staying up really late watching films or doing whatever are a bit past with full-time busy careers and the school run to do in the morning. It would have been a bit different when we were younger and first living together though. We don't have a tv in the bedroom (I agree with the OP's partner that that's what the sofa is for). Dh showers after work so he usually gets in bed and reads for 20 minutes or so while I have a shower and get ready for bed. I might read for a bit as well (sometimes he goes to sleep while I stay up and read for a tiny bit longer). Then lights go off and I read on my phone for 15-20 minutes longer (can't go to sleep otherwise, I know it's probably terrible for sleep hygiene, but it's what's worked for me), then I go to sleep as well. We're usually in bed by 10pm. On Friday and Saturday nights, we might stay up until a crazy 11pm. But nothing more wild than that.

Fruitcocktail6 · 27/11/2017 12:35

We generally go to bed at the same time, cuddle and go to sleep. Occasionally dp stays up watching match of the day or some crap, but generally always together.

Taffeta · 27/11/2017 12:36

We are both larks and usually manage to stay up til about 10.15 before we go up. At the start I wasn’t bothered about going to bed at the same time, but it’s important to DH so where practicable that’s what we do.

If I’m especially tired and go up early then he will often come up anyway. If there was something special like golf on, he’d stay down and watch it as I’m not interested in it. But with the advent of iPads excellent headphones etc he just watches it in bed. It doesn’t keep me awake.

We usually have a chat about stuff, as it’s the only time the DC aren’t listening in! And we go online, read etc.