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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your bedtime routine with your partner/DH is like?

187 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 26/11/2017 13:01

What do you do? Do you go to bed together regularly? Do you sit together in bed and read? Watch TV?

I used to stay up much later than DH and he hated it...he always wanted me to go at the same time, which I wouldn't have minded if he'd been reading or whatever but no...he just wanted company!

Anyway...years later now and it's different again. He walks the dog and I go to bed at about 11...then I go online till he comes back...then we go to sleep/cuddle whatever!

I'm happy with it but I do sometimes think I'd quite like to watch a film in bed...but he's very much disturbed by the idea and thinks the sofa is the place for that!

OP posts:
tiptopteepe · 26/11/2017 23:32

because ive already gone to bed and i dont really want to have to get back up to then turn off a blaring tv and all the lights which he would just sleep the entire night through and which would keep me awake.
Its not just his welfare its mine. Hes constantly tired because he tries to stay up so late. I know i shouldnt care because hes a grown man but i just want him to see that its actually negatively effecting our relationship because we are both tired and grumpy all the time. I mean what is the point in insisting on staying up to do things if you dont even bloody do them you just fall asleep then your wife has to get out of bed and come and turn everything off!

AnyFucker · 26/11/2017 23:33

Do it before you go to bed then. Which is what I said.

GetMeOutOfHerePlease · 26/11/2017 23:34

I won’t lie and will, admit I thought being read to sounded weird but dh just said I get read to almost every night via an audiobook and I can’t think of a way to say paying to listen to a stranger read is less weird than having someone you love read to you for free :)

gamerchick · 26/11/2017 23:35

He falls asleep in his chair and I chuck cushions at him until he goes to bed. I go much later to my own bedroom with my own bed where no man has tossed and turned or sweated and go to sleep quite happily.

Going to bed together as if it’s the household law is well alien to me! Whatever floats your boat.

tiptopteepe · 26/11/2017 23:36

trust me it doesnt work ive thought of that. He stays up a lot later than i want to stay up. I have to get up for the toddler and i cant operate on as little sleep as him so i try and go to bed but then i always have to get up again. Im basically being forced to stay awake until he falls asleep. I just think its a little selfish considering that he doesnt actual do the things he says he wants to do anyway so may as well have just come to bed for my sake.

Hopefully it will be sorted soon anyway as ive said we are moving to a place with actual doors and walls. Also closer to where he works so he wont be out of the house 16 hours a day which may mean he will faff about earlier and so get into bed earlier.

piglover · 26/11/2017 23:37

Being read to is lovely and comforting and I'd love it if my partner did that.

Yeeeha · 26/11/2017 23:38

Anyfucker - you sound horrible.

Why wouldn’t someone enjoy being read to? Why shouldn’t someone want to worry about the welfare of the person they have chosen to spend their live with and who they love?

You just come across like a barking batshit crazy feminist who can’t accept that some people just like doing nice things for their lovers/partners of the opposite sex because it’s nice.

HolyCreamola · 26/11/2017 23:41

I used to be with someone who read to me in bed. And I would read to him too. I loved it. He had the sexiest voice and it was just a very bonding thing for our particular relationship.

HolyCreamola · 26/11/2017 23:42

I even got him to read John Donne's erotic poetry to me.

Because I can be that pretentious. And John Donne makes me tingle.

cherrycola2004 · 26/11/2017 23:44

Both go to bed about 10pm. Use the bathroom etc... chat/cuddle/sex then he goes to sleep and I Mumsnet or read my kindle. May stay up til 11pm on a Saturday Grin

redshoeblueshoe · 26/11/2017 23:47

anyfucker I'm with you on this. I go to bed when I want, as does my DH, at the minute he is asleep and I'm drinking his good whisky. The benefit of this is - now I know he needs some decent whisky for Christmas

GetMeOutOfHerePlease · 26/11/2017 23:51

Why shouldn’t someone want to worry about the welfare of the person they have chosen to spend their live with and who they love?

It should go both ways though, @tiptop partner knows he is keeping his partner awake and preventing her from staying keeping, but still chooses to do it, he could put the lights off and have tv in timer so at least when he falls asleep on couch, she doesn’t have to get up. He doesn’t care much about her welfare so why should tiptoe run around after him? I’d lock doors and windows when going up to bed, set the tv to turn off to turn off (all four of ours vary between thirty mins and four hours) and leave him on sofa.

CuteKinn · 26/11/2017 23:51

I would love to be read to and My back rubbed. Sounds warm and idyllic. Pleased for both of you, I am sure you return the favour in a different form

Kahlua4me · 26/11/2017 23:51

We tend to have the same routine most nights. Dh makes us both a cup of tea, sorts out the dog, locks up etc whilst I go upstairs tidy our room and get ready for bed.
We then chat about the day, kids, plans for the next day etc, then either read or watch tv and go to sleep.

Exciting life we lead! But it suits us and that is just a general routine it does change depending on social life etc.
Tonight I have a bad cold so am in bed whilst dh is sleeping on the sofa so he doesn’t get ill too 😀😀

Yeeeha · 26/11/2017 23:52

anyfucker I'm with you on this. I go to bed when I want, as does my DH, at the minute he is asleep and I'm drinking his good whisky. The benefit of this is - now I know he needs some decent whisky for Christmas

Yeah. Most people probably go to bed together sometimes and seperatley at other times.

No need for AF to belittle what other people do thoughts. That’s just horrible and a bit weird.

Wanting to be kind, nice, loving and supportive of your life partner shouldn’t be mocked like she did. What works for one couple won’t work for another. There is no right or wrong answer. It’s always wrong to sneer at other people’s choices though.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/11/2017 23:52

DH used to read to me but it just makes me go straight to sleep. It's not even as if he has a really boring voice or anything, it's just so relaxing and comforting. I never had a bedtime story as a child, so I don't know why it has such pleasant associations for me.

HidingBehindTheWallpaper · 26/11/2017 23:54

We generally go to bed at the same time. Chat, read etc. Find the cat and bring her to bed too. Sleep.
If one of us is ill then we will sleep in separate bedrooms.
We chop and change bedrooms, preferring to use the second bedroom on the weekend as it has a nice view and is completely unoverlooked so we can sleep with the curtains open.

SlartyFarkBarstard · 26/11/2017 23:55

I go to bed first and DP comes up within 5 mins of me, he’s very sweet and wants a cuddle before sleep but I secretly wish he’d fuck off a bit so I can star fish the bed for a while on my own Blush

GetMeOutOfHerePlease · 26/11/2017 23:56

@redshoeblueshoe

HA! I always said I didn’t like whisky until had a glass of DHs glenfiddich a few days ago, (had toothache and was desperate) and it was gorgeous, I’d onky ever had bells and shit like that, I. have literally just added a bottle of glenfiddich to Tesco shop for dh xmas gift as it was lovely and I’ll be having another few glasses before Christmas I’m sure. Its currently £10 off at Tesco’s btw.

AnyFucker · 26/11/2017 23:57

barking batshit feminist

Brilliant Grin

Tip honestly, the day you stop getting stressed about what another grown up is doing is the day you start sleeping soundly. My H is a nightmare if I would allow it to affect me. He is convinced he can stay up to watch the next episode of Peaky Blinders. The reality is he is snoring 5 mins in. I just leave him to it. I used to leave him a pillow and a blanket in the 1st 20 years of our relationship. Now I lock up and leave him doing what he enjoys doing. Which is wathing every episode 5 times to catch up on what he missed. And he still swears blind he only closed his eyes for a minute Smile

tiptopteepe · 27/11/2017 00:03

anyfucker I would but as ive said the bedroom literally has no wall. We live in the centre of the city this is not a big place where you can shut the door and do what you like. It takes compromise to live in a place this size but he is not currently making any.
Its not that I dont have sympathy for him i think its coz he works such long hours he just has unrealistic expectations of what hes gonna be able to do in his free time (all 7 hours of it on work nights)

I do know i am making myself extra stressed worrying about it tho. The anger does keep me awake and all the while im thinking 'if you didnt get so wound up about this it might actually be easier to sleep' but thats how it is lol

Like i said it will hopefully be sorted soon. He has agreed we need to move away from here.

Scuttlefunge · 27/11/2017 00:04

We go to bed at the same time, sometimes have sex then he’s asleep and I mumsnet till about this time. Although any fuckers given me the hump! A nice thread turned sour by a misery guts Grin

LadyB49 · 27/11/2017 00:09

Both go to bed around 11. Each showers. Both read kindles.
I have insomnia so I'd read for longer. If dh/we get intimate i soon toss the kindle aside. After I am still wide awake and might get up especially as I also have severe rls. I might go into the spare room cos I'll thrash about. Might sleep, or not. Will be back in our bed and sleep with dh by about 6am. Might not get up till 10ish as we're both retired.

AnyFucker · 27/11/2017 00:16

Get over yourself, scuttle

If you are happy with what you do why should a random on the internet "sour" it for you ?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 27/11/2017 00:18

We're both owls, but always trying to become more lark-ish.

Eat, glass of wine and chat, then close down animals/lock doors (DH) and put stuff in dishwasher and general straighten things for morning (me).

We then have separate bathrooms for washing/cleaning teeth etc. and then to bed, sometimes to read, sometimes not.

Frequently, DH will go ahead of me as I like to do some late night work or potter quietly.

I like hearing the quiet minutiae of people's lives! Smile