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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your bedtime routine with your partner/DH is like?

187 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 26/11/2017 13:01

What do you do? Do you go to bed together regularly? Do you sit together in bed and read? Watch TV?

I used to stay up much later than DH and he hated it...he always wanted me to go at the same time, which I wouldn't have minded if he'd been reading or whatever but no...he just wanted company!

Anyway...years later now and it's different again. He walks the dog and I go to bed at about 11...then I go online till he comes back...then we go to sleep/cuddle whatever!

I'm happy with it but I do sometimes think I'd quite like to watch a film in bed...but he's very much disturbed by the idea and thinks the sofa is the place for that!

OP posts:
Yeeeha · 27/11/2017 00:21

*Get over yourself, scuttle

If you are happy with what you do why should a random on the internet "sour" it for you ?
*

If you need to ask you need to take a look at yourself, your posts, and the way you interact with other posters.

ohtheholidays · 27/11/2017 00:23

We usually go to bed together,some times I'll go first but that would be really early and because I'm feeling really ill,otherwise we go to bed at the same time and I'll usually read,come on here or watch tv.

AnyFucker · 27/11/2017 00:25

Meh

Seeds1962 · 27/11/2017 00:26

I've moved into the spare room and made it my own due to his snoring and my really difficult sleeping patterns. It's had a hugely detrimental effect on our relationship, but OTOH I do get more sleep. It's really hard tbh.been like this for over a year and yes it's impacting on our 32 year marriage tbh

LittleKiwi · 27/11/2017 00:40

Favourite part of the day. Shower for DP, bath for me but in the same bathroom so we chat at the same time. DP lets dog out and then we go to bed together. On my own, I’d read before I went to sleep but if DP’s around (most of the time) it’s lights out and chatting until we fall asleep.

DP is a bit of a bedtime nazi, but I wouldn’t miss going to bed at the same time as him for all the tea in China so I put up with going to bed earlier than I might like!

Mrskeats · 27/11/2017 00:42

Really surprised at the number of posters with separate bedrooms too.
Personally would not contemplate that,

Winniethepooer · 27/11/2017 00:50

In 18 years dp & i rarely have gone to bed at the same time. He goes to bed when hes tired. I go to bed when everything is organised & prepared for the following day.

ethelfleda · 27/11/2017 01:16

Before I was pregnant with DS, we would watch TV together on the sofa and DH would rub my feet until I fell asleep. Then he would wake me when he was ready for bed and we would go up.
When I was pregnant I was either really tired or had bad backache so went before him.
Now, I go up at around 9pm while he stays downstairs with DS (4 weeks old) and gives him a bottle - then they both come up.at midnight and I hope DS will sleep until his next feed. You can tell by the time I am posting this that he didn't Grin

CakesRUs · 27/11/2017 01:21

DH snores terribly, I'm an insomniac, the two don't mix well. We have a tv and I might watch that. Sometimes he, happily, goes into the spare room if I've had a bad run of sleeplessness. Don't always go to bed at the same time either. Did tonight, he's snoring and I'm lying here typing this.

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 27/11/2017 01:28

DH works shifts and I work three days a week so it's rare we have the same sleeping patterns.

Bedtime is usually a lone affair but when it isn't we tend to take food we've hidden from DS and have a little picnic and watch something on tv that doesn't contain talking fucking animals!

CakesRUs · 27/11/2017 01:32

I would love separate rooms permanently - doesn't mean you can't be affectionate or intimate, does mean a stress free, snore free night.

DS is murmuring about getting a flat (everything crossed), can't wait because he's 21 and needs that next step himself now.

Acrosstheuniverse123 · 27/11/2017 01:40

We have always gone to bed at the same time. We read for a bit, he usually goes to sleep before me and I read on. I think if we went to bed at different times it would really change our relationship and make us more distant. We used to talk in bed, but that never happens these days, even if we both can't sleep! I miss talking...

Kickassname · 27/11/2017 02:01

We often go to bed together but no strict routine about it really. Since we had dd it's embarrassingly early...sometimes we go at 8.30. Often we just talk and he massages my back. He usually sleeps first no matter what we do, and I watch/listen to something on iPad with earphones for a bit. Usually too exhausted from dd to have sex at night, we find time in the day instead. We also watch movies in bed on a weekend, not on the sofa. (It's because I usually fall asleep straight away if it's a good one.)

He's on nights atm which is why I'm up. I can't seem to sleep as well on my own, don't know why. Have the whole bed to myself, it should be great!

Anyfucker you sound grumpy and miserable, cheer up hun Wink

ivenoidea Grin brilliant

OnlyAmy · 27/11/2017 02:16

DH was my high school sweetheart. We broke up in the 80's and I married, had a family and when my marriage ended, found ourselves back together after 24 yrs apart. We do EVERYTHING together. I know it wouldn't work for most people, but we don't want to miss a moment together now, and we've been back together 10 years now! We shower, shop, eat, travel, do everything together. While I'm on my laptop, he's nearby on his. We go to bed at the same time, but he surfs the 'net on his tablet while I fall asleep faster. Other than dinners out with my girlfriends, I pretty much come home after work to a very boring, very happy life with DH. He is my best friend and I never get tired of spending time with him.

Ginandplatonic · 27/11/2017 02:26

I go to bed when I feel like it, he goes to bed when he feels like it. Sometimes me first leaving him snoring on sofa, sometimes him first, occasionally together. Our marriage is totally fine.

I would find having to go to bed together annoying and suffocating. What if you're not tired? I don't like routines much though.

chestylarue52 · 27/11/2017 02:36

I don't have a partner but I would absolutely love to be read to, don't see what the problem is with that.

Juanbablo · 27/11/2017 03:12

We usually go to bed together. We tidy up and lock the doors then off we go. He usually watches something on the iPad, I browse my phone, then we sleep.

afishnotabird · 27/11/2017 03:26

DH comes to bed with me for a while, winding down/chatting/cuddles sort of time, then puts the light out and stays up for a while doing whatever. It’s like a child being put to bed and tucked in, but it’s nice and works for us.

lborgia · 27/11/2017 05:00

scuttle thought you said “sex when DH is asleep”...which would need a whole other thread....

Mixture of all of the above. I’d really love my own bedroom. Again, another thread.

CiderwithBuda · 27/11/2017 05:32

He goes to his room and I go to mine. Never thought I would want separate rooms but it works for us. He snores. He reads for a bit and then falls asleep with the light on. When we used to share a room it used to drive me mad - I'd nudge him to switch his light off and he wouldn't. I'd end up getting out of bed and walking around to do it. Now I don't care. He also sometimes stays up to watch TV and falls asleep on the sofa. If we were sharing a room I'd be more aware and not settle till he was in bed as I'd know he would wake me anyway when he came up. Now I just leave him to it.

I also often wake and can't get back to sleep (like now) so end up on here or reading. Couldn't do that if we were sharing as it would wake him.

And if he can't sleep he moves constantly.

Sleep so much better separately!

Don't think I'd like being read to. And don't get it being a household rule that you have to go to bed at the same time. But different strokes and all that!

Domani · 27/11/2017 07:11

I'd love separate bedrooms but how to approach it? Dh would be offended. At DD's graduation, we had to have separate rooms due to staying in halls of residence. It was bliss Smile Anyway, bedtime for us is, I come up about 10 and read or MN, dh comes up 11ish. Bit of a chat, cuddles then keep each other awake half the night due to me being a bad sleeper and dh wearing cpap mask which is quite noisy. When I do get to sleep the mask or dh moving about wakes me again, then I disturb him going for a warm milk. Both get up shattered every morning, grrrr!

Domani · 27/11/2017 07:14

Reading to each other sounds nice but I would find it irritating. Maybe I'm just grumpy (through lack of sleep)

RiverRose · 27/11/2017 08:14

We go to bed together. It just naturally fell into a pattern and remained that way. We go up quite early but do have a tv so we will settle down and watch sometging together.

We have the same sense of humour and taste in films so we usually end up chatting and laughing about what we are watching then we settle down to sleep. It is a nice way for us to reconnect at the end of the day. Most days we have sex before we fall asleep.

Highpeak · 27/11/2017 08:34

When DH had a job where he mostly worked from home I would get annoyed when he came to bed late on a work night. I'm a light sleeper and he'd usually wake me.
Now we go to bed together as he has to get up early for work and DD wakes up at the same time. At weekends he still stays up late, usually watching sport but I don't mind that.
I prefer when we go together.

teabagfreak · 27/11/2017 08:41

Weekdays we both are in bed and asleep by 9pm 😂 both up at 5am. Normally watch an episode of the box set we are watching before going to sleep.

Weekends are a whole different story, OH normally up late watching tv or playing PS4 and I'm in bed watching a boxset, asleep before he comes to bed.