Did I overreact? DD (3) a&e

[Doublemint]

Hi, had a bit of a morning today.

I went out last night and was promised a lie in by DH. He took our DDs downstairs.

I'm fairly sure he sticks on Netflix/a DVD and falls asleep on the sofa. We have stair gates to the kitchen and at the door way to where the stairs are, so although I'm not happy about him dozing when it's my lie in, it's such a rare occurrence that I've let it go. More fool me I guess. Plus he doesn't admit to it.

Anyway-
I woke up to hearing our three year old tumble from the top to the bottom of the stairs. I jumped out of bed (a bit hungover) and got to her at the bottom of the stairs before DH. Straight away I said this is an a&e job. A toddler falling all the way down the stairs and banging her head, is, for me a case for a&e. My mums a nurse so generally don't take my kids in unless they've got an arm hanging off or whatever, but I know that head injuries need checking out.

So DH said I was being paranoid and over reacting. He got quite grumpy/angry with me to be honest, but I wasn't bothered, DD is obviously the priority. I said if it was me or him who had fallen that far, or if we were babysitting, we would go in. He rolled his eyes and basically inferred I was being dramatic because I'm hungover. He then took his sweet time in the shower and got dressed. I just stuck DDs shoes on and a coat and said GO! He got shitty saying she needed to get dressed properly first. I just kept saying you need to go! More eye rolling. DD had gone quiet by now and was just sitting on the stairs resting her head on the wall. She got a huge bump on the side of her head and her wrist was hurting.

I did say that if you don't take your child to a&e when necessary then that's basically neglect. I also said that they would question why the fuck he had fanny'd around getting her dressed, getting himself ready; because who does that?!

So AIBU in insisting DH take DD to a&e?

Glad your DD is ok, OP.

DD1 was running up and down the hallway when she was about 3. She fell and hit her head really hard on the door frame and had an enormous bump there. It looked awful so we took her in to the Sick Kids' A&E here to be checked over. The doctor said she was fine but it was right for us to bring her in. He also told us that if the lump is hard they're ok, but if it's soft then there's a fracture in the head and they MUST be checked. If the lump is hard then you only need to bring them in if they have other symptoms of concussion.

My 13 year old son has had three top to bottom stair falls recently (he has a condition where he blacks out and failed to follow the safety procedures we had set up - which have now been tightened up).

Every time I have called the GP for advice and every time, despite him insisting he was fine, they have told us we have to take him to A&E.

As a parent of a child with a condition that means we spend far too much times in hospitals as it is, I would really rather not go and spend umpteen hours in a germ filled waiting room, but his welfare comes first. The last fall he seemed ok, just a bump with no obvious lumps or bruising and said he was fine, but he developed stiffness and pain in the waiting room and on examination they discovered tender, bruised vertebrae in his neck which they suspected were fractured. He was very lucky they weren't, but still needed a week off school.

With a toddler, who wouldn't be able to explain clearly what/how they are feeling, especially if they were unusually subdued, I wouldn't hesitate.

So imho, no, you didn't overreact re A&E and I probably would have been peed off if my husband dragged his feet taking my child to be checked after that too. I do think it's a case of 'there but for the grace ...' re the fall itself though, even super vigilant helicopter parent's kids have accidents sometimes, you only have to nip to the loo or be distracted for a couple of minutes. No-one's fault, just another one of life's curve-balls.

Have you taught your daughter to use the stairs independently? I don't think he did anything wrong by having a doze and I wouldn't immediately go to a&e. Depends on the fall though, since no one actually saw her fall it is best to be safe although I'd just comfort them to start with and phone 111 while watching out for drowsiness.

She already said she knows he doesn’t interact with the DC when it’s his turn to be ‘on duty’, but rather shoved them in front of the TV

No, she said she suspects that's what he do s. She hasn't actually confirmed that he was doing that at all.

YANBU. My daughter ell from the top of the stairs to the bottom a few months back and we did not go to A&E though. She had no injuries that we could see and seemed ok in herself, if a bit shaken. Kept a very close eye on her for the rest of the day though and were prepared to go. Totally depends on how your child is..I wouldn't necessarily say a fall from top to bottom of stairs requires A&E

I work in a and e. All those people saying you over reacted really don't know how serious falling all the way down the stairs from top to bottom can be. If you brought your child to our emergency dept she would be taken straight to resus and have a thorough assessment, as would any child or adult who booked in for the same thing. I hope everything is ok now

I wouldn't have taken her. My three year old ran into a door frame last week and had a big bump on her head that swelled and bruised badly. We considered taking her in but decided to observe her closely at home instead.
You weren't wrong to take her in but neither was your husband wrong. It's a judgement call.

We don't have stair gates and I don't know anyone with a stair gate for a three year old. It's bonkers to think a three year old needs an adult with them every time they go upstairs.

Paeds A&E doctor here... you definitely did not overreact and tbh if you had told your HV that she'd fallen down the stairs and you'd not taken her to A&E that would be ringing alarm bells. Head injuries can be serious and with that mechanism of the fall I would have definitely gone to A&E. if I saw your child I might even admit them for a few hours observation. I'm glad your DD is ok

You didn’t overeact. Falls downstairs result in a&e referrals for adults let alone kids. The people saying otherwise are neglecting their kids.

Why didn’t you take her if you were concerned about the faffing he
Was doing? When my girl had a seizure, paramedics turned up and said they’d take her in but said i had time to get showered, dressed and brush teeth.

Why didn’t you take her if you were concerned about the faffing he Was doing

OP says she was a bit hungover. Probably not safe to be driving. And someone had to stay with the 18mo.

YANBU

Our 2 year old fell top to bottom on the stairs a few months ago and we took her to A&E. They took it very seriously, and reassured us that it was the right thing to do as it was a serious fall.

Backstreet - oh please. You don’t trust mothers (and fathers) to be able to make a judgement?! I thought you were overworked? And judging by the judginess I’ve have for bringing my dd in for genuinely emergency situations (that the a and e drs missed initially) you just can’t win as a parent. Stop judging parents!

You probably should have taken her to a minor injuries unit than a&e. If you are worried about a child you should get it checked IMO

What are these minor injuries units? I'm in London but pretty sure we don't have these. Once 101 told me to take DD to the urgent care centre and I asked where that was and they said A and E.

Minor injuries is what we have at our local hospital since they closed a&e. So if you have something a bit more serious than a gp appt would fix but not an emergency you would go there. Eg badly swollen sprains, cuts that you won't bleed to death from but that need a bit more than a sticky plaster, that sort of thing. Sort of a half way house, to cut down pressure on emergency departments in theory

so will they always do an mri for every head injury?

No. That's why this development in paediatric neuroscience is both recent and tentative.

Medical experience of clinical outcomes has not justified the expense of imaging whenever a child presents with head trauma BUT occasionally children with catastrophic subdural haematoma also exhibit pre-existing brain damage where there is no evidence, suggestion nor opportunity for serious violence previously but where there has been what one would reasonably regard as 'just a bump on the head'.

This has led to the theory (in the scientific sense - a conclusion from repeated observations) that contrary to previous thinking, brain bleeding can result from rather minor household injuries.

Hence my saying the default position should be to take a small child with a bump on the head to A&E. Particularly (and my professional suspiciousness kicks in here) if the child is pre-speech and only one parent was present at the time...

You don’t trust mothers (and fathers) to be able to make a judgement?! I thought you were overworked?

If you had to deal with one week in the life of an A&E doctor, particularly a paediatric one and particularly a paediatric neurological you would not dare suggest that the detection of brain injury is something that can be achieved by a parent staring at a child's head or following advice from that there interweb. If it was as easy as you suggest, how would Dr. Stavros Stivaros have built an entire career on paediatric neuroradiology? Why would such a specialism exist?

(neurological one...)

Fuck me people love to brag about how hard they are or hard their kids are.
You are the mother, you decide. If you feel that your daughter should be checked then your husband should agree with you and get her checked.

I always find people on here competing to say how shit something was that they endured and how weak you are if you request help. I had people flaming me on here last week about hospital only for me to be in there 3 time and justifiably so in 2 days!! People were telling me about their 30 mile drives etc.

Whatever.

I'm glad you took her to be checked. How could you forgive yourself if you didn't?

I work in a and e. All those people saying you over reacted really don't know how serious falling all the way down the stairs from top to bottom can be. I don't think it is so much about over reacting by going to hospital but more about her attitude to her husband. The martyrdom, such a rare event for him to have the kids, the wanting him to have to answer the questions at the hospital as if it has never been known for a child to have an accident. I took one of mine to hospital once with a broken arm, he had broken it several hours earlier and I hadn't realised it was that bad. I felt awful and said to the doctor how awful it was that I hadn't realised. He laughed and said one of his colleagues had his daughter walking round on a broken leg for several days before he took her in for an x ray. Even doctors children have accidents and even doctors don't always realise how serious they are.

Who wants to have a row when their child is hurt rather than comfort the child who is sitting on the stairs with the head against the wall? I think that is the over reaction to me, and possibly others.

I still don't understand how the OP knows the child fell from top to bottom of the stairs when she was asleep in bed.

I agree that you overreacted, and your DH underreacted- he should have been more concerned, I think you (understandably) were over concerned based on his reaction. I am very glad that she is well- ultimately a decision to go to A&E can only be made by those who are present, others can have an opinion, but it’s not an emotive opinion as they are not involved. Hopefully he realises that he needs to be more hands on if supervising solo, but sneaking suspicion that due to the lack of injuries, he may see it as you were u reasonable in your demand for haste and it ‘proves’ you overreacted (in his view) all the best for when they come home.

Why didn’t you take her if you were concerned about the faffing he Was doing

OP said she had a hangover. Quite possible she wasn't within the legal limit to drive anyway. I'm sure a hungover mum turning up with toddler who's just fell full throttle down the stairs will ring more alarm bells than perfectly able DH.

Also, the DD has two parents. The other perfectly capable of doing parenty things, even though they do take more effort than netflixing but such is life.

Glad your DD is okay OP.

We don't have one either longestlurker.

You're still expected to rake DCs and yourself to something that's non existent though.