Did I overreact? DD (3) a&e

[Doublemint]

Hi, had a bit of a morning today.

I went out last night and was promised a lie in by DH. He took our DDs downstairs.

I'm fairly sure he sticks on Netflix/a DVD and falls asleep on the sofa. We have stair gates to the kitchen and at the door way to where the stairs are, so although I'm not happy about him dozing when it's my lie in, it's such a rare occurrence that I've let it go. More fool me I guess. Plus he doesn't admit to it.

Anyway-
I woke up to hearing our three year old tumble from the top to the bottom of the stairs. I jumped out of bed (a bit hungover) and got to her at the bottom of the stairs before DH. Straight away I said this is an a&e job. A toddler falling all the way down the stairs and banging her head, is, for me a case for a&e. My mums a nurse so generally don't take my kids in unless they've got an arm hanging off or whatever, but I know that head injuries need checking out.

So DH said I was being paranoid and over reacting. He got quite grumpy/angry with me to be honest, but I wasn't bothered, DD is obviously the priority. I said if it was me or him who had fallen that far, or if we were babysitting, we would go in. He rolled his eyes and basically inferred I was being dramatic because I'm hungover. He then took his sweet time in the shower and got dressed. I just stuck DDs shoes on and a coat and said GO! He got shitty saying she needed to get dressed properly first. I just kept saying you need to go! More eye rolling. DD had gone quiet by now and was just sitting on the stairs resting her head on the wall. She got a huge bump on the side of her head and her wrist was hurting.

I did say that if you don't take your child to a&e when necessary then that's basically neglect. I also said that they would question why the fuck he had fanny'd around getting her dressed, getting himself ready; because who does that?!

So AIBU in insisting DH take DD to a&e?

He left a 3 year old and an 18 month old unattended in the shower??

Glad she's ok x

"111 is the NHS non-emergency number. It's fast, easy and free. Call 111 and speak to a highly trained adviser, supported by healthcare professionals "

Phoning the non emergency NHS number is the best thing to do if you are unsure. Unless it's obviously a proper emergency.

I don’t think you overreached and your DH sounds lazy and uncaring. Who lets the kids watch TV whilst they have a doze cos they can’t be arsed to actively parent? And not actively parenting led to one DC being injured! I’d be extremely disappointed in him as a father and a husband.

Evidently your DH's instincts were correct and your instincts incorrect on this occasion, since child was fine.

So let’s imagine for a second thatbthe OP had follow the lead of her DH and they had not taken the dd to the hosp.
And actually, the dd HAD a serious injury.
What wouod you have said then? That the OP should have followed her instincts? That you should always follow your instincts as a mum, That mum knows best and that really you always want to be sure with a child so young?
It’s always easy to be judgemental AFTERWARDS when you know the outcome.
Never as easy in the heat if the moment and when you have no medical background.

Fwiw I think it’s even crazier to make any judgemental comment from an internet post when you are NOT medically trained tbh.

I wouldn't have launched straight for the A&E route. I'd have given them time to calm down and get over the shock, and monitored them for any potential issues.

I'd especially object to taking my child in after an accident if they're going to quiz you about it for 'safeguarding'. Accidents happen. One accident doesn't mean poor parenting, or a dangerous household. I remember when I was little, on new years day I was running through the house and ran straight into the back of a chair. Split my head open and mum had to take me to A&E to get it stitched. She said they made her feel like she was being raked over hot coals over her parenting capability because they assumed she was hungover...being new years day and all. She wasn't. I was just an eejit.

PP - over reacted? Seriously?

OP - YADDDDDNBU

Who lets the kids watch TV whilst they have a doze cos they can’t be arsed to actively parent?

Ummm, everyone....

I can't believe that everyone thinks it's okay for a three year old and eighteen month old to wander about the house unsupervised, while dad dozes on the sofa and mum sleeps off a hangover upstairs. It's another universe on here sometimes.

I'm not sure it's ever worth the risk to under react when a child has a bad fall.

I've worked in A&E for many years , although your reaction was rather dramatic I certainly wouldn't have been surprised to examine your DD after such a mechanism. I can't load all the comments but no I wouldn't consider it a safeguarding issue, accidents happen. If your at all concerned regarding ahead injury it's absolutely fine to come to us , even if it's just for some reassurance.Hope you sort things out with DH!

Yadnbu your lo has a lump it needs investigating. My LO fell down a few steps but was ok just shaken. If there had been a lump of any kind I'd of taken het

In fairness liz, not 'everyone' thinks that it's OK to leave an 18 month old unsupervised. The fact the 18 month old was also present was only mentioned in op's update. People have said it's OK to doze on a sofa while your 3 year old watches TV - which is a pretty different scenario. 18 month olds do need closer supervision.

I've had a few trips to a+e over the years and never once been quizzed about safeguarding or had ss turn up in my doorstep, in case anyone is worrying about that happening to them.

Op, I'm glad your dd is ok. I hope you can have a good chat about this later with your dh. I don't think he should be sleeping on the job with an 18 month old around.

I fell down the stairs from the top of the stairs backwards to the bottom once. I was given a drink with lots of spoons of sugar in it, I remember. I think that was it.
I suppose it depends on how high the flight of stairs, how hard the landing surface and whether bannisters etc

Fall down stairs top to bottom - it needs to be checked.

111 would have sent you to A&E.

People seem to have very different ideas about what can be expected of 3 year-olds - who don't have special needs.

For example, when commenting on someone stating that ' neurotypical 3-year-old shouldn't need supervising on stairs!'

Don't be stupid! She's three. She doesn't know how to cross the road by herself! She's barely toilet trained at that age.

I think that though homes are not risk-free, a 3 year old is capable of going up and downstairs independently at home. That is a very different matter from negotiating busy roads independently. And many 3 year olds are fully toilet trained. Again this is an area where children today do seem to be only becoming accident-free a little later. (Possibly as a result of the almost universal use of disposable nappies.)

I think it just makes me very glad that my own children are pretty much grown up. If I become a grandparent it will clearly be a total minefield if my children are the hyper-vigilant sort. Though I'd obviously take great care if left in sole charge of grandchildren.

@sprinklestar "Actively parenting"? What a wanky phrase! Youre obviously very lucky that you've never been so exhausted that you physically can't stay awake.

Dh being asleep is a red herring because I'm assuming at 3 she usually goes up and down stairs by herself anyway?

I don't think you over reacted but neither do I think your dh was being unreasonable.

I'm overly cautious compared to my dh, we've had a couple of a&e/ out of hours visits where he probably wouldn't have taken them and they have ended up needing treatment. (Nothing major by the way and only one actual accident).

V glad she's ok, OP. If a child bumped its head and then went quiet, you bet I'd be getting them checked out, and as it's a Sunday you had no choice. You did the right thing as far as i am concerned.

In fairness the OP doesn't actually know what he does, she assumes he sticks the kids in front of the tv and sleeps but she doesn't know. He could have been doing anything - doesn't sound like she stopped to ask so busy was she blaming him for being negligent

liminality - maybe in your world, but certainly not in mine

One other thing that really annoys me on threads like this is the comments around safeguarding and interrogations; I hope those of you scare mongering never put anyone off taking a child for medical attention. I'm sure most people are aware that the hospital has a safeguarding duty.

YWNBU to seek medical advice.

YABVU with your attitude to your husband and prattling about safe guarding and hoping they grill him etc.

Day after day mums are advised to doze on sofa whilst kids watch Cbeebies on this forum. Why the hell is it neglectful and lazy parenting when dad does it?

She is three. If Neurotypical and typically developed physically I see no reason she shouldn’t navigate stairs.

If you honestly thought this was an emergency you would have insisted you all get straight in the car, or called said taxi. Or run to your neighbor. Whatever.

This really seems more about punishing him. And what’s this about “he’s looking after them so he should take her”?? If you were at work and your DD was injured and needing rushing to A&E, would you honestly
Just blithely say “oh I’m not on active parent duty, I’ll stay here”. ? (If you are a surgeon etc and cannot get away that’s different, I’m hypothesizing)

I’m
Glad she’s ok. I would have rung 111 and observed, not straight to A&E. Or we have a minor injuries unit here.

But the medical advice is sensible, the apparent anger and holier than thou attitude to parenting is not.

Gingernaut who said anything about crossing roads? I said climbing stairs! My son isn't toilet trained but he can climb the stairs and has been able to do so for months and months. I wouldn't let him near a road on his own.

You can count me for the numbers of parents who doze by the way. I’ve just had a blood hemorrhage and transfusions plus a week in hospital last month. Trust me, when I came back home I dozed.

Wow lots of perfect parents on here. Sometimes I have been so exhausted after looking after my kids, that I have put something on for them, and sat down, and dozed off. Especially if my dd who has ASD has not slept well in the night, that means my sleep is disrupted.