Did I overreact? DD (3) a&e

[Doublemint]

Hi, had a bit of a morning today.

I went out last night and was promised a lie in by DH. He took our DDs downstairs.

I'm fairly sure he sticks on Netflix/a DVD and falls asleep on the sofa. We have stair gates to the kitchen and at the door way to where the stairs are, so although I'm not happy about him dozing when it's my lie in, it's such a rare occurrence that I've let it go. More fool me I guess. Plus he doesn't admit to it.

Anyway-
I woke up to hearing our three year old tumble from the top to the bottom of the stairs. I jumped out of bed (a bit hungover) and got to her at the bottom of the stairs before DH. Straight away I said this is an a&e job. A toddler falling all the way down the stairs and banging her head, is, for me a case for a&e. My mums a nurse so generally don't take my kids in unless they've got an arm hanging off or whatever, but I know that head injuries need checking out.

So DH said I was being paranoid and over reacting. He got quite grumpy/angry with me to be honest, but I wasn't bothered, DD is obviously the priority. I said if it was me or him who had fallen that far, or if we were babysitting, we would go in. He rolled his eyes and basically inferred I was being dramatic because I'm hungover. He then took his sweet time in the shower and got dressed. I just stuck DDs shoes on and a coat and said GO! He got shitty saying she needed to get dressed properly first. I just kept saying you need to go! More eye rolling. DD had gone quiet by now and was just sitting on the stairs resting her head on the wall. She got a huge bump on the side of her head and her wrist was hurting.

I did say that if you don't take your child to a&e when necessary then that's basically neglect. I also said that they would question why the fuck he had fanny'd around getting her dressed, getting himself ready; because who does that?!

So AIBU in insisting DH take DD to a&e?

I don't think you overreacted - a big visible bump, a fall that no one witnessed (so you don't know how far/fast/what she hit - multiple bumps on the way down or just one?), a sore wrist and a potentially drowsy little girl; I would have gone to A&E. I would have gone to A&E if I'd done that, tbh.

Perhaps in the heat of the moment you and he didn't treat each other kindly and that needs discussing, but taking her to be checked over was definitely correct, and it should have been him because you weren't sure if you were safe to drive.

"Well my kid's head fell right off after a fall and I didn't bother with A&E"

There is NOTHING WRONG with taking a child to the hospital after a severe fall (entire flight of stairs) and visible signs of a head injury. The fact that some people don't bother even when their child has lost consciousness is their bloody problem frankly.

People have severe injuries from falls on stairs. Nothing wrong with getting her checked out.

Gobsmacked at the people saying you wouldn't take your child to A & E for a fall from the top of the stairs! Crazy. Who knows if there is internal swelling or bleeding. I would take my DS 100%.

I hope she's ok OP. I agree your DH reacted like that because she was In his care and he was trying to minimise it and probably felt stupid.

liminality

Who lets the kids watch TV whilst they have a doze cos they can’t be arsed to actively parent?

Ummm, everyone....

Guilty as charged lol. I actually taught my 4 year old how to put cartoon network on for him and his little brother to save me getting up at 5am lol.

They're grown up now but the idea of eyes on all the time does tickle me.

OP, I'd not have gone to A & E I admit. I spose having had 6 I'm a bit blasé about it all and my judgement is pretty spot on usually. If I was concerned I would have though and we all have different levels of what we accept or consider 'normal'.

Your DH though..... cut him some slack.

Based on what you've posted, I would have gone along to A & E to ensure the accident was accurately reported and not attributed to 'mum being in bed drunk' or some such nonsense.

What kind of relationships have some of you got where you think your dp would try and make out to the hospital that you were drunk in bed!?

I wouldn't go to A&E unless there were signs of a serious injury. I'd observe at home. If I suspected concussion or a wrist fracture I'd make an emergency GP app or go to a minor injuries unit. They will send you for X-rays or arrange a CT scan if they think it's needed.

I always thought A&E was for life threatening things like unconsciousness, severe bleeding, seizures, compound fractures, difficulty breathing etc.

YANBU about A&E but YABU a bit I think blaming your dh for this. My 2.5 year old is trusted to go up and downstairs on her own. Accidents happen. There but for the grace of god and all that. I also think you know when you're going to A&E "to be on the safe side" and when it's a genuine emergency. You've talked an awful lot about what your dh was up to and how annoyed you were, but very little about your dd. Did she seem generally OK, if shaken and bruised?

Yea pengggwn I am. It's also the wrist Injury too. Could be broke.
I'm not a doctor and most people aren't so I'll leave it to the professionals to make judgments about the medical attention the child would need. Not mine.
If it turns out something is wrong and I sat there doing nothing I wouldn't forgive myself. Better to be safe than sorry.

I have taken DD to a Minor Injuries Clinic a couple of times when I thought she might need x-rays. I'd be pretty reluctant to take her to A&E tbh, not the greatest place to hang around with a toddler!

In these circumstances I think I'd have rung for advice or gone to the MIC again. It does come across as you wanting someone else to tell your DH he is not looking after them properly, tbh OP.

I went out for the first time since September for a friends birthday. I can't believe I'm having to defend myself for having a night out and a lie in!

Come on OP this is mumsnet where you have to be permanently attached to your kid making memories at all times.

Glad to hear she’s alright

FWIW I would have gone to A+E OP. The MIU around here does not do paeds X-rays so you invariably get sent up to the main A+E anyway....

I would have waited half an hour if dc hadn't passed out and just calmed her and observed. Then if I was still concerned I would call 111 or taken them to a&he. I think panic and shock caused you to overreact which is perfectly normal.

My very accident prone ds2 has been in A&E a few times, one of them life threatening, and in minor injuries unit more times that I can count and has never once been flagged as a safeguarding incident. Staff are very capable of assessing the difference imo.

I would only go to A&E if I thought something was wrong (symptoms), rather than what happened (fall) . So, if showing symptoms of head injury or injured wrist I would go but otherwise would have kept a close eye on her and taken if concerned. Think you have over reacted.

I think your DP has been quite clever actually. He’s proven that he can’t look after your DC adequately so next time you go out (if?) you won’t want a lie in as you can’t trust him... Smacks of punishing you for daring to have a good time, if you ask me.

Stairgates for a 3 year old? Teach her to use the stairs like you should have done at least a year ago and she won't fall down them.

Bit of guilt yourself that you are trying to push onto him?

Sprinklestar
I think your DP has been quite clever actually. He’s proven that he can’t look after your DC adequately so next time you go out (if?) you won’t want a lie in as you can’t trust him... Smacks of punishing you for daring to have a good time, if you ask me.

Projecting much?

Nowhere does it say he can't look after their child. Nowhere does OP indicate her going out was an issue.

Responding to the OPs AIBU is one thing, fabricating stories is pointless though.

@sprinklestar your posts on this thread are ridiculous and you come across as rather hysterical.

The ds could have fallen down the stairs wether the dh was there or not. She's not a baby that needs help up and down the stairs, it was just an accident. Unless you know op and her dh in real life of course and know that she's in an abusive relationship

Not projecting at all. It’s just interesting that what sounds like the one time in forever the OP has a hangover and tries to lie in, she ends up having to get up and deal with an injured child as her DP was negligent. She already said she knows he doesn’t interact with the DC when it’s his turn to be ‘on duty’, but rather shoved them in front of the TV. It doesn’t take a genius to work out who’s the more engaged parent of the two.

Not everywhere has minor injuries though? We do have out of hours docs (referral through 111) but anything requiring an X-ray would need to be a&e. So op may not have had that option.

OP, I'm assuming you've stopped reading this now (I would have), but I would have reacted 100% the same as you.
I would have insisted on a trip to A&E. Heck I rang 111 after DS tumbled off the sofa the first time. My husband has had concussions a few times (plays rugby) and he's ended up in hospital, unconscious as a result of a head injury which he just walked off at the time.
I would have been raging if my husband took his sweet ass time in getting DS to the doctors.
And nights out are a must, so are the lie ins that follow. Keeps one sane.

I took my 6 months old ds to A&E after he rolled off our bed. Now I think I overreacted, but then, I had no clue about a baby. It at least made me feel better after seeing Dr and being reassured he is OK.
I think you should do whatever you think is right.