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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have bought DD a Krispy Kreme?

238 replies

IJustNeedaKitkat · 25/11/2017 17:45

I've been really ill the last few weeks; middle ear infections in both ears, and on Thursday and Friday both ear drums perforated thanks to the infection. I've been in absolute agony and have lost the majority of my hearing.

DH could only take a few days off work when I was really suffering because it's the busiest time of year for his company. But DD has been so good; eating all her food without fuss, playing or watching TV quietly while I snoozed on the sofa when I had no energy, helping me feed the cat by putting the bowl of food that I've filled on the floor as at one point bending down like that made me lightheaded, she's put her toys away without having to be asked repeatedly etc you get the picture.

She's only 2 and a half, and has really really impressed me with her behaviour. I've still got only about a quarter on my hearing (50% in right in, 5% in my left - just a rough guess), but we went shopping today to finish the rest of the Christmas shopping - she has a few extra needs, but didn't play up once; when walking she stayed nearby holding my hand or the pushchair where it was really busy and got into her pushchair without a fuss when I asked her too.

We passed a Krispy Kreme stall on our way in and DD was happy just to look and say "wow". So I bought her one as an extra special treat and told her why - because she's been so well behaved over the last few weeks when mummys been ill and she was well behaved that day. I took a photo to put on Facebook. She chose it herself - a ring donut with milk chocolate glaze and white chocolate sprinkles. It was quite expensive for a donut at £2 something but she deserved it, she even managed until we got home and had had her tea before asking for it.

A friend said it was an awful thing to give a 2 year old they contain a lot of sugar and it'll rot her teeth. She said I'd have been better getting her some normal sweets or a small chocolate bar. I'm usually pretty strict on sugar, she's only allowed water or milk to drink unless we're at my mums or PILs where she's allowed squash. She's allowed sweets and chocolate but I try and limit it to a few times a week and even then it's only something small like a fudge bar or half a kinder egg. I make sure she brushes her teeth in the morning when she gets up and also before she goes to bed at night (apart from the odd time she's fallen asleep in the car and been carried in asleep) and the dentist never has a problem with her teeth when we go. The friend knows this.

But I'm doubting myself, possibly because I'm still taking painkillers every 4 hours and still on quite strong antibiotics to clear the infection which is still lingering. I just wanted DD to know that her good behaviour had been noticed.

So WIBU to buy the donut for a 2 year old?

OP posts:
josbd · 26/11/2017 18:22

You are free to treat your daughter AND to post whatever you like on your fb page without being judged by ANYONE. Your daughter, your life. No-one has any right to judge you. They can fuck right off

tiptopteepe · 26/11/2017 18:23

haha well friends can also be 'random' at times! Theres no accounting for the opinions of some people and youd probably never know about them if it wasnt for social media. I do think its usually best to completely ignore things like that unless its especially vitriolic or aggressive in which case try and sort it out with a private message and report it if that doesnt work. Sometimes people have strange opinions that are very clearly a bit OTT. Ive had this with 'friends' on facebook before. One example was a on a pic of my husband dancing round to music with our newborn to stop him crying (with text explaining) and a random friend wrote 'oh my gosh you shouldnt do that with a newborn, newborns need quiet and calm and security, you are traumatising the poor baby!'
I just left it lol because life is too short! If you put something up you can be sure there will always be at least one who reacts badly. Its best to just not react badly back.

ellesworth · 26/11/2017 18:30

YANBU, It's only a bloody donut! My 14 month old has just quite happily indulged in a slither of his brothers caterpillar birthday cake! Yes he got messy and yes it's not great for his teeth, but he eats healthily most of the time (practically a vegetarian), so one treat isn't gonna kill him.

helsinkihelen · 26/11/2017 18:37

What is U is that you felt you needed 6 paragraphs to justify buying your child a donut. You have every right to buy your daughter a donut. If you posted doing it every day then I might be a bit Hmm but having a treats in moderation is one of the great things about living in a modern civilised society. And hopefully leads to a healthy attitude towards food. You definitely weren't BU and I would de'friend' the person who made that comment. X

jayne1976 · 26/11/2017 18:37

Nothing wrong with giving her a doughnut - it won't disintegrate her teeth overnight with a good brush.
But as someone who's suffered -try think that food is not a treat or punishment food is just one of life's essentials, buy her something else as a treat! By all means buy her a cake but don't associate it as reward.

FaveNumberIs2 · 26/11/2017 18:38

Don’t put it on Facebook.

Parent your way, and keep your private life, private.

helsinkihelen · 26/11/2017 18:42

And you had every right to post it on fb without expecting negative feedback. You weren't asking for opinions you were posting a snapshot of your day. X

Shouldnotwouldnot · 26/11/2017 18:51

ellesworth why does your child being veggie equate to meaning a healthy diet? You could just eat cake, chips and krispy kremes......

tiptopteepe · 26/11/2017 18:55

shouldnotwouldnot Im veggie and I agree haha that is my diet

LilQueenie · 26/11/2017 19:00

yanbu dd and I have them because we lie them no special rewards needed. your 'friend' needs to mind her own business/kids/get a cat.

nanimobars · 26/11/2017 19:11

This is one of the dumbest posts I've ever seen on MN. You bought your kid a doughnut for being good. Not worth a FB nor a MN post. Total first world problem! 🤦‍♀️

GerardButlersBird · 26/11/2017 19:23

Oh yes Gods... Battleaxe WHY is it unreasonable to post a picture of your small child with a doughnut on Facebook?!? I suggest it's BU to suggest that it was Hmm

It didn't even OCCUR to me what people would think when I posted a pic of myself and my 16 y/old DS pigging a KK doughnut each in the car, on fb! Bollox to the food police... (DS has special needs hence like a much younger child and needs food chosen for him). It was a bloody treat but actually not all THAT rare even though his sugar intake is monitored for health AND behavioural reasons.. but he's my child and if I want to buy him a KK and show the world (albeit my social media world/friends) his cute little face eating it then I will. As expected I got lots of likes from our friends who know me and know him. As one would expect on Facebook.

I suggest you cull your friends list OP to those who are less judgy and more interested in yours and DD's generally wellbeing and happiness.

As an aside, (because you should buy one for DD whenever you feel like it actually) it certainly sounds like she deserved one (yeah yeah good behaviour rewarded with food on this occasion, so what, blah) and hope you got yourself one too. Ear infections and perforated ear drums are dire! Also hope you're feeling much better now.

Try to care a little less what the judgy folk with sticks up their arses think

PurplePenguins · 26/11/2017 19:26

It was a treat and like you said her teeth are fine. It's not like she gets them all the time. No YANBU xxx

GerardButlersBird · 26/11/2017 19:31

josbd yeah basically EXACTLY what you said... much more succinctly that my long winded mini-rant Grin

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 26/11/2017 19:32

YABU doing Christmas shopping when you're still poorly.

misses the point

bluelampshade · 26/11/2017 19:42

Yes but OP has posted because someone made her feel shit about it. It’s obviously got to her.

Alphvet · 26/11/2017 20:14

Block that friend. You don’t need that in your life

Alidoll · 26/11/2017 20:19

What a lovely daughter you have and a real credit to her mummy for being so helpful. No one else’s business what you do as a treat for her good behaviour and one donut is hardly going to rot all her baby teeth.

Hope you are feeling a bit better and that you get the hearing back (as someone partially deaf in her left ear from childhood ear infection and remember just how much pain it caused even after all those years).

emmakc1977 · 26/11/2017 20:34

She’s not a friend being so judgy- unfriend her and get yourself a donut

purplecorkheart · 26/11/2017 20:41

Your daughter sounds wonderful, kind and thoughtful. Your "friend" dorsn't. Hope you are feeling better. The only thing that makes me sad is that you did not get a Kreme too.

SammySays · 26/11/2017 20:45

YNBU!! Let the tot have a doughnut, one treat will not do her any harm. Your friend sounds like a miserable know it all!

manicmij · 26/11/2017 23:49

Posting on Facebook is a NO. Buying the donut is a well done for acknowledging your DD had behaved and helped when you were under the weather. One sugary treat now and again won't hurt and think how special DD must have felt being rewarded for being so good.

lolalola19 · 26/11/2017 23:53

Tell your friends to bugger off - your daughter sounds fab and deserves a lovely treat. Well done mum Smile

RosemaryHoight · 27/11/2017 00:25

Got me thinking. I've read most of the thread but have to sleep soon.

I told my dc that they could only have something sweet if they waited at the table for each other.

My friend potty trained her dc with buttons and smarties. I think I judged her hypocritically. Oopsy.

Therealjudgejudy · 27/11/2017 01:43

One of the weirdest threads ever. You sound highly strung and attention seeking. You gave your kid a doughnut. Get over it and move on.