To have bought DD a Krispy Kreme?

[IJustNeedaKitkat]

I've been really ill the last few weeks; middle ear infections in both ears, and on Thursday and Friday both ear drums perforated thanks to the infection. I've been in absolute agony and have lost the majority of my hearing.

DH could only take a few days off work when I was really suffering because it's the busiest time of year for his company. But DD has been so good; eating all her food without fuss, playing or watching TV quietly while I snoozed on the sofa when I had no energy, helping me feed the cat by putting the bowl of food that I've filled on the floor as at one point bending down like that made me lightheaded, she's put her toys away without having to be asked repeatedly etc you get the picture.

She's only 2 and a half, and has really really impressed me with her behaviour. I've still got only about a quarter on my hearing (50% in right in, 5% in my left - just a rough guess), but we went shopping today to finish the rest of the Christmas shopping - she has a few extra needs, but didn't play up once; when walking she stayed nearby holding my hand or the pushchair where it was really busy and got into her pushchair without a fuss when I asked her too.

We passed a Krispy Kreme stall on our way in and DD was happy just to look and say "wow". So I bought her one as an extra special treat and told her why - because she's been so well behaved over the last few weeks when mummys been ill and she was well behaved that day. I took a photo to put on Facebook. She chose it herself - a ring donut with milk chocolate glaze and white chocolate sprinkles. It was quite expensive for a donut at £2 something but she deserved it, she even managed until we got home and had had her tea before asking for it.

A friend said it was an awful thing to give a 2 year old they contain a lot of sugar and it'll rot her teeth. She said I'd have been better getting her some normal sweets or a small chocolate bar. I'm usually pretty strict on sugar, she's only allowed water or milk to drink unless we're at my mums or PILs where she's allowed squash. She's allowed sweets and chocolate but I try and limit it to a few times a week and even then it's only something small like a fudge bar or half a kinder egg. I make sure she brushes her teeth in the morning when she gets up and also before she goes to bed at night (apart from the odd time she's fallen asleep in the car and been carried in asleep) and the dentist never has a problem with her teeth when we go. The friend knows this.

But I'm doubting myself, possibly because I'm still taking painkillers every 4 hours and still on quite strong antibiotics to clear the infection which is still lingering. I just wanted DD to know that her good behaviour had been noticed.

So WIBU to buy the donut for a 2 year old?

Chrys But i've said she gets sweets or chocolate which aren't treats and are never used as a reward for good behaviour. I don't have a problem with her Nursery giving her a bit of chocolate or sweets for someones birthday or because they're having a party (although there's been a lot recently - Halloween, Bonfire Day/Night, Children in Need). And if she asks I usually give it to her (she can say "choccy" and "eets" (sweets)).

But growing up cake was a treat. My mum bought it when she got a promotion at work, or because we got star of the week at school, so it wasn't an everyday or even week thing. I see no harm in certain foods being treats. I don't binge out every time I see a cake in the shop now and still restrict it to being a treat as cake everyday isn't good for you. Her face lit up when she saw the donut, she's been really well behaved recently which must have been hard with her extra needs so I got it her.

Our mothers would think we were mad if they read MN. Or at least mine (80 years old) would.

The problem lies with a parent using food to make their child feel better.
For example, they're upset- you give them ice cream, they're bored- you give them a chocolate bar, they've hurt their knee- you buy them chips.
That sort of thing done systematically can lead to associating certain foods with comfort/ dealing with feelings. And this is not what is happening when you have a donut or takeaway as a family treat!

Of course the cause of eating disorders is far more complex and can be triggered by a myriad of other things.

Your dd is fed clean (guess so as you brush her teeth twice a day i know some who do not) loved.

Shes also a normal 2 year old who likes to push boundries do not worry i bet your a bettet mum than you think and i do not know you just from what youve written.

I treat every so often will not hurt.

My 2 dc get mcdonalds and kfc as long as its not every night and they get good meals inbetween there treat nights it is not going to do any harm.

It won’t do he any harm as a one off BUT I would’ve ever give a young child a whole donut. The amount of sugar in it is ridiculous. I would have given her a quarter and eaten the rest with dh.

I can see your point Chrys.
But my ds who generally has a very good diet most of the time with one indulgent meal per week and 2-3 chocolate bars per week has nothing off limits. In my opinion children who don’t experience more indulgent foods end up overdoing it when mum or dad isn’t monitoring what they are eating later on.
However ds knows they are a treat as he doesn’t get them every day. Also if he has misbehaved it would seem wrong to me to give him chocolate later that day as it may be seen as rewarding bad behaviour. I’d rather give it when he has been well behaved as a sort of re-enforcement for good behaviour. However if he has had too much chocolate that week I may use a sticker book instead.
You can’t help some associations with certain foods it’s human nature - for me roast lamb Easter, after eights Christmas, a certain ice cream my aunts house, all from lovely childhood memories. I’m a healthy adult now not overweight or too thin.

Not at all unreasonable and I think your friend was petulant to comment,you weren't asking for her approval. Hope you're feeling better now.

Yabu to buy one for £2 when you can get 12 for about £12 and your dd wbu choosing a ring one, the ones with the creamy filling in are the best.

My own dd is only one and she’s had the odd Krispy Kreme (would be a tad unfair to eat them all in front of her).

I think anything food related is about balance and common sense. You know she’s not having a box of 12 washed down with a bottle of coke for breakfast. So don’t worry about what others think.

And in regards to teeth, as a child I’d sometimes (a bit too regularly really) eat buttercream by the spoonful. My mum makes cakes/cupcakes etc and I’d eat the leftovers. I’ve got no fillings and have never had any issues with my teeth or weight.

Having pleasant associations with certain foods isn't the same as rewarding with food though, psychologically.

You do something 'good' so you're given a certain type of food (usually sweet) as a reward. Being rewarded makes you feel good. You start to associate that food or type of food (sweets) with feeling good and then eventually start to crave it/reach for it whenever you feel bad. It's been proven that sugary foods in particular have a direct effect on the brain.

Honestly OP. You are way over thinking. It was Christmas Lights switch on here last night. Cue loads of kids wolfing down massive bags of candyfloss. I don't imagine they are all living on it. This place is full of organic, fair trade, clean eating, superfood, unprocessed, undyed, eco friendly types as well. (We are well known for it actually ).

Wendy Cope said. "We all have to be sensible sooner or later but I refuse to be sensible all the time."

You are not being unreasonable, you were'nt being unreasonable to post on facebook either- comment back to your friend that ha ha- you think its funny that she has decided to take that stance regarding a rare treat for a very well behaved little lady- (well done tiny kitkat) gosh- anybody would think it was blummin child abuse and perhaps she ought to lighten up before people thought she was being dramatic- after all- if it was real concern then perhaps a little nudge via messenger about the dangers of a one off krispy kreme- rather than publicly attempt to shame you. Nasty way to go about it.

dentist never has a problem with her teeth when we go She's 2 and half? That's not really suprising.

I agree with your friend. KK are loaded with fat and sugar and artificial colours and it was probably the pretty look of the thing that made her face light up, not the thought of eating it.

You don't need to justify what you buy for your child as a treat (well earned by the sounds of it too). You do need to stop sharing stuff on FB as there are some sanctimonious arseholes about.

You do something 'good' so you're given a certain type of food (usually sweet) as a reward. Being rewarded makes you feel good. You start to associate that food or type of food (sweets) with feeling good and then eventually start to crave it/reach for it whenever you feel bad. It's been proven that sugary foods in particular have a direct effect on the brain

I must be extremely lucky that being rewarded with food as a child has never had this effect on me

Ecureuil me neither
If a child is given the food anyway on occasions and also as a treat then surely it can’t be too harmful.

Yanbu to buy her a donut or to put it on fb!

Yes I am looking for validation and also other peoples opinions, I believe every opinion is valid and it's nice to know there are other parents like me out there who think it was ok as a one off.

If it helps DH made ravioli for tea, he makes the pasta himself then fills them with mince and bolognese sauce, peppers, onion, carrots and tomato sauce which he also makes himself with both fresh and tinned tomatoes. Pretty healthy.

When I bought the donut out of the cupboard she says "wow" and then I put it on her plate she pointed at herself and said "me?" meaning is that for me when I said yes she looked so happy and said "tanks" (thanks). She knew it was food even when she saw it in the shopping centre, she's got extra needs but she isn't stupid.

YWBU not to have had one yourself too, would have helped you to forget the earache. They're bloody lovely

*Pretty healthy and she ate all of it, so isn't adverse to healthy food.

She sounds adorable. Good for you for treating your dd.
Don’t worry about what anyone else’s thinks.
When your friends kids get old enough I bet they will stuff themselves silly with sugar any chance if it’s always been withheld and you can be the smug one then.

It’s totally fine feed your daughter whatever you like.

Don’t know why people keep saying that there are 10g of sugar though, an iced Krispy Creme is more like double that.

*sorry tomato sauce is on top of the ravioli.

You're definitely overthinking this if you're still here posting details of subsequent meals.

It doesn't matter what we think.

It doesn't matter what the FB massive think.

What matters is what you think.

Chrys That is true to an extent but I don't think it applies to a sweet treat/reward given to a child very occasionally. If a child is well behaved or achieves something good at school for example and isn't rewarded with sweets every time then they won't make the association.

Consistently rewarding, soothing or bribing your dc with Haribos is a different matter.

Labeling some foods as a "treat" can be helpful because it implies it's not an everyday occurrence and needs to be limited.

The OP's situation was a one off and won't have a lasting psychological impact on her daughter.

Labeling some foods as a "treat" can be helpful because it implies it's not an everyday occurrence and needs to be limited

^ this