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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have bought DD a Krispy Kreme?

238 replies

IJustNeedaKitkat · 25/11/2017 17:45

I've been really ill the last few weeks; middle ear infections in both ears, and on Thursday and Friday both ear drums perforated thanks to the infection. I've been in absolute agony and have lost the majority of my hearing.

DH could only take a few days off work when I was really suffering because it's the busiest time of year for his company. But DD has been so good; eating all her food without fuss, playing or watching TV quietly while I snoozed on the sofa when I had no energy, helping me feed the cat by putting the bowl of food that I've filled on the floor as at one point bending down like that made me lightheaded, she's put her toys away without having to be asked repeatedly etc you get the picture.

She's only 2 and a half, and has really really impressed me with her behaviour. I've still got only about a quarter on my hearing (50% in right in, 5% in my left - just a rough guess), but we went shopping today to finish the rest of the Christmas shopping - she has a few extra needs, but didn't play up once; when walking she stayed nearby holding my hand or the pushchair where it was really busy and got into her pushchair without a fuss when I asked her too.

We passed a Krispy Kreme stall on our way in and DD was happy just to look and say "wow". So I bought her one as an extra special treat and told her why - because she's been so well behaved over the last few weeks when mummys been ill and she was well behaved that day. I took a photo to put on Facebook. She chose it herself - a ring donut with milk chocolate glaze and white chocolate sprinkles. It was quite expensive for a donut at £2 something but she deserved it, she even managed until we got home and had had her tea before asking for it.

A friend said it was an awful thing to give a 2 year old they contain a lot of sugar and it'll rot her teeth. She said I'd have been better getting her some normal sweets or a small chocolate bar. I'm usually pretty strict on sugar, she's only allowed water or milk to drink unless we're at my mums or PILs where she's allowed squash. She's allowed sweets and chocolate but I try and limit it to a few times a week and even then it's only something small like a fudge bar or half a kinder egg. I make sure she brushes her teeth in the morning when she gets up and also before she goes to bed at night (apart from the odd time she's fallen asleep in the car and been carried in asleep) and the dentist never has a problem with her teeth when we go. The friend knows this.

But I'm doubting myself, possibly because I'm still taking painkillers every 4 hours and still on quite strong antibiotics to clear the infection which is still lingering. I just wanted DD to know that her good behaviour had been noticed.

So WIBU to buy the donut for a 2 year old?

OP posts:
MrsPringles · 25/11/2017 19:21

A doughnut as a treat is fine my 3yr old DS is quite the fan of Krispy Kreme

As am I

ProseccoMamam · 25/11/2017 19:22

You must be amazingly proud of how well behaved your daughter is, she sounds lovely OPSmile
It's your child, and your choice in how you bring your daughter up, and she more than deserved a small treat. Hope you get better soon and please do ignore the Facebook judger. Your daughter sounds incredible!!

CarrieBradshaw85 · 25/11/2017 19:23

Sounds like my future MIL & SIL. Who are both size zeros and health lunatics, I dared to say I had a doughnut as an afternoon snack and they recoiled in horror saying that doughnuts are 800 calories blah blah blah Was VERY close to telling them to DFO.

Katyppp · 25/11/2017 19:26

Well, if the purpose of this post was to validate your parenting and be praised for your exceptionally well-behaved toddler, you've got the jackpot OP!GrinGrinGrin

IJustNeedaKitkat · 25/11/2017 19:29

Stables My DD is not perfect, she threw an absolutely epic tantrum in front of the Nursery staff a few weeks ago before I got ill because her friend touched her favourite teddy. She kicks me or DH often during nappy changes (not atm but has done in the past). She pulls the cats fur sometimes when the cat won't do what DD wants. She is nowhere near the perfect child and never will be, I'd not want her to be either.

And I am not a good parent or at least I don't think I am. I shout sometimes, I give in to stop tantrums, I send her to nursery in her pyjamas because she won't get dressed and I can't be bothered to argue. I feed her macdonalds or KFC at least once a month. I am also probably a lot more laid back than I should be given her extra needs and often I'm not firm enough. But she's generally pretty well behaved, and has been really good recently while I've been ill, she's 2 and a half can't I be proud of that?

Also I expect to be a little PFB, she has extra needs so I worry about her, a lot!

OP posts:
BuzzKillington · 25/11/2017 19:34

YABU to seek FB likes and MN approval for your kid's food

This exactly.

I wouldn't buy a doughnut for a 2 year old, but that's just me. I never bought mine sugary things - it just didn't occur to me. But what you feed yours is no-one else business and you certainly don't need validation from social media Hmm

Chrys2017 · 25/11/2017 19:37

I don't think children should be 'rewarded' with food of any kind... they aren't dogs, after all. Wasn't there a non-food treat you could get her—like a colouring book or something?
Just my two cents.

TheFirstMrsDV · 25/11/2017 19:37

A 7 paragraph OP and FIVE pages about a kid eating a doughnut?

Seriously?

InLoveWithLizML · 25/11/2017 19:38

Why not, both mine would go crazy over Costa Creamy Coolers, so I'd buy 2 large Mango ones and split one in 2. Obviously they wanted the chocolate one, that is way too much chocolate, but a Krispy Kreme isn't that bad. Don't be so hard on yourself. BrewCake

Tipsytopsyturvy · 25/11/2017 19:39

Chrys what is your reasons for not using food as a reward?
I do and can’t understand why not so I’m curious?

Rainatnight · 25/11/2017 19:40

I think it's fine. And also fine that you posted it cos sometimes we all just need a bit of reassurance.

IJustNeedaKitkat · 25/11/2017 19:40

Chrys But she wanted a donut, I could tell when she saw them but she's speech delay so couldn't say "can I have a donut?"

Plus she has loads of colouring books. I could of got her a magazine or something but I was there and had the money.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 25/11/2017 19:43

When I was growing up, things like cake and chocolate were considered a treat. Now I’m an adult, I still see them as a treat. Which means I don’t eat too much of them. I’m a healthy weight (9st 4, size 10) and always have been.
I don’t get the ‘dont use food as a treat’ thing.

Tipsytopsyturvy · 25/11/2017 19:44

Ijustneedakitkat don’t explain yourself what is life if we can’t treat our little ones to something that makes their eyes light up?
It would be more harmful never to allow it and have them stuff themselves full of it later on Wink

Battleax · 25/11/2017 19:44

Chrys what is your reasons for not using food as a reward?

To avoid emotional relationship with food, disordered eating etc.

Fantasticmissfoxy · 25/11/2017 19:44

YWNBU at all, It was a treat - one she richly deserved from the sounds of it! Pay no attention to your 'friend' some people just love to rip others down. I think it was the body coach who said, one doughnut won't ruin your health anymore than one salad will fix it! Everything in moderation, children are no different IMO.

VladmirsPoutine · 25/11/2017 19:44

It's a donut, not crystal-meth. Yabu for making a song and dance about it, however. Bloody hell. Let it go.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 25/11/2017 19:48

Rewarding good behaviour with food is only a problem if it's done regularly and systematically. If it's a rare treat I don't see that it's going to set up some sort of negative emotional relationship with food.

You could say the same about chocolate advent calendars. A chocolate treat every day until Christmas and you might not let them have it if they are naughty.
That's not going to set your child up to a life of comfort eating and obesity.

I actually think it's more harmful to label any food group "bad" eg sugar and off limits. Everything in moderation seems more sensible to me.

Tipsytopsyturvy · 25/11/2017 19:49

Battleax what’s the evidence that restricting a food to occasions where it has been earned leads to a disordered relationship with food? I’ve never heard of this before.
My family have always done this. All of us are healthy weights not under or over. One takeaway or meal like pizza, or meal out, per week as a treat at weekend. But would be with held if behaviour had been bad.
So this will lead to a bad emotional relationship with food?

Tipsytopsyturvy · 25/11/2017 19:49

*restricting certain foods

Chrys2017 · 25/11/2017 19:52

I've read that it sets up an 'unhealthy relationship' with food in the child's mind. They start to associate good feelings with normally-forbidden foods and this carries into the future when they are adults and can have whatever they want. I can certainly attest to this from my own experience!
There is an article about it here:
www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=160&ContentID=32

Ecureuil · 25/11/2017 19:54

Luckily it never set me up for an unhealthy relationship with food then I guess. I see things like cake and chocolate as a ‘treat’ in the sense that it’s not something I routinely eat. If I didn’t see it as a treat I’d probably eat it a lot more often!

Katyppp · 25/11/2017 19:55

I agree with Vlad, OP. You need to let it go.
Every time someone is the slightest bit negative, you come back to justify your transgression to the dark side of Krispy Kreme.
You are after validation, aren't you?

User700800 · 25/11/2017 19:55

Yanbu it was a treat for good behaviour which is perfectly fine.

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